Hi everyone, my female name is Diane and i had too tell how I reduced my new Gender Dysphoria yesterday. I gave up Diane at age twenty, because after weighing all the options back in 1981, I felt I really wanted it all. If I could not be a genetic woman and have children, then I didn't want Diane. That hasn't changed now, even though I hear her Sirens call now. Yesterday while crying with my wife, who loves me very much, but was unsure how she would feel, once I changed. I was at my wits end after two weeks of not sleeping and research on transition options. I am looking for a therapist now.
Diane is a part of me ,but so is my male persona. He has been here for a long time and I would give him up if God made me a real girl. with no remorse at all.
We as Transgendered people, I feel are the Bridge between both sexes. We can see both sides. We are special and should be cherished. The trick is to see that Duality and use it for our own purposes. I noticed Diane was using every trick she could muster to make me change as quickly as possible. She wants out. She sees a crack in the jail wall and she's going for it.
I noticed the triggers she used to bring on the Dysphoria, which I had never had in my life.
I was watching the movie Trans and broke down during the part on the memorial for slain transexuals and came out to my wife. For 56 years i have told no one but my mother sincethe age of five. My wife responded that she loved me and could support me in this transition, She just didn't want me to leave. She wanted my happiness.
This was the second trigger. I was so happy. Not since my sister dressed me in that sailor dress with Marry Janes and a straw boater have I been as happy.(I was so pretty) I was finally going to be a girl.
In the last two weeks Diane has tried every mental trick in the book. Shave my legs. Relief a little. Wear perfume now she'll give me a little rest. Same with exercise to relieve the anxiety because she wants 100 pounds off to fit into that pencil skirt. Stop my appetite for the same reason. Lack of libido soon to become hatred of my male parts maybe?
Yesterday she entered my dreams as soon as I fell asleep to show me want my world could be like. I longed for this and she knew it. i came to the realization that I was feeding her just like a Goddess. I was sacrificing my male self at her alter and i don't blame her, but it is unfair of her. I always liked my male self and for the sake of my wife i don't want him to leave. i don't want to be selfish because i've always been a good man. This has brought my wife and I closer and i hope that i could show her the love that Diane would have given her. All life is a balance and the realization that Diane was playing unfair and subconsciously tricking me was my revelation.
I feel this is our Duality and there are no right and wrong answers to this because we are normal and ->-bleeped-<- is normal. It is our cross to bear. Let us bear it with class are you listening Diane?
Thank you and I dearly hope I haven't offended anyone. I love you my fellow sisters and brothers. Good Luck.
