This has been a great year for coming out to friends and family

[Kendall]

At the beginning of this year, only my current GF, past GF, and a school counselor knew about Kendra. I first told my mom. I talked to her about it a few months till I mentioned possibly seeing about getting Hormones. At this point she told my sister, and several brothers. I think she sort of did it in a panic mood, as if I had just got into an accident or something. Was sort of a OMG he wants to be a woman sort of reaction with trying to find a blame (blamed my father or course for never wanting me, and me never seeing him or something). Her beginning shock lasted only like 2 days.

From that point the word spread to all the family (i think) lol. My father found out, and maybe even my cousins now know. They had a reunion few weeks ago that I did not attend. From that they must have told others because my child hood friend emailed me through my website (which was a little shock to me lol). He basically said he never knew but guessed it was really really difficult growing up with a female gender identity.

At work I showed a gay guy who is in drama and playing a woman in the theatrical play "Hair" in the future. He was like, what does this mean. I also showed it to a girl that came to me one day and told me she wanted to be a boy or do boy things as a child. I had told her I was the same but about being a girl. She looked at me and said I sort of looked like stevie nicks lol. She then said I am really really pretty,  . That made me feel really good. The first real complement from someone else sort of made me melt.

Last week I got adventurous going to my main boss, pulling out several pictures and saying, "ever see these shots of my girlfriend?". She looked at them then said, "I've seen your girlfriend before." She didnt really pay attention to it, or I must have looked really different. I then said, "thats me actually". That stopped her. She kind of looked at it , then at me. She was like "thats not you. You look really different. I would have never guessed that was you had you told me."

So, so far all the main people know about me, except her side of the family (I think a few know). And many more coworkers ( though I am sure it will spread ).

All of this has made me feel good about myself. Just them knowing (weither good or bad resonses) helps build my own self esteem that had been suppressed my whole life.

[stephanie_craxford]

That's such good news.  it seems that the more people who know the better life gets, well at least the stress starts to disipate .

Congratulations, you must be feeling on top of the world.

Chat later,

Steph

[Kendall]

Yes , telling has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life lol. I think because I built such an impenetrable defense, or thought I had. I cant believe how it fells without that fear that was always there. I havent appeared in front of them in girl mode yet so I still have that hurdle to jump.

[Shelley]

Well done Kendra,

The next step should at least be a little easier now.

Shelley

[Cassandra]

That's great news Kendra. I'm really happy for you. When you do appear in girl mode you may find one or two people who find the reality a little hard to accept even though they may have already accepted in theory. Don't fret it though, give them a little time to get used to the real you and they should come around.

Way to go!

Cassie

[Kendall]

Yes I think I do fear some rejection and dont expect everyone, or many to accept it. I dont think I am alone in having the defensive shields ready for when that happens. I can imagine others are in my same boat.

[harbour]

well done on the coming out thing, like the song goes "coming out is hard to do"

ive had a couple of months of coming out to friends and family and its gone pretty well, ranging from the good (friends who are proud i spoke up now) to the not so good (confused and troubled parents, you cant blame them really)

[Kendall]

To me the reaction isnt the hard part. Its the actual doing. After all, I think most of them know something is different with me (long sculpted nails, shaped feminine eyebrows, mascara, two earrings, arm hair removed).

And they probably have a clue that I go in fem a lot. Even when I go in boy mode, I have feminized myself quite a bit. I could probably live with them even not accepting it. Its just that I am a very very shy person. I have never really thrown myself into any spotlight or tried to attract attention. Doing so does I think, at least a little. I just have trouble bringing out my voice and opinions.

I have an easier time just making changes and doing it , then talking about it and trying to explain things.

The two most troubled coming out parts are with my mother (very religious) and my oldest brother (who I heard was upset about something [though he has called me since then right before going to a reunion]). With my mother, she is very much the "god" oriented, though she wonders if I was born with "both parts in me". In other words she kinda tries to accept me by in her mind making me intersexed, which isnt the truth. Evidently she accepts intersexed sex duality and changes (as should all people as well as for TS), and can find it in her list and rules of living to accept.

Whats most important to me isnt trying to define what I am, just expressing it so that my core doesn't conflict with the outer me anymore. And to free the ability to bring out my feminine self that brings real meaning, honesty, personal acceptance, natural behaviors, free  flowing feelings, integrity, and a bit of pride.

[Kendall]

Added one more coworker to the list now. Told and showed Bobby, a long time employee of our store. He looked kind of nervous after I did or something. There is around 5 more old time employees I still want to tell and show. Showing the picture really helps since I get nervous talking and telling, so it seems to work better for me. Gives them something to look at while I myself am nervous. Then I can focus at them looking at the pics Instead of having them stare at me.

[Cassandra]

Not a bad idea Kendra. Keep them focused on something else while judging their reaction. Clever girl. How is it looking though? If you came out completely how do you think it might go?

Cassie

[Kendall]

That I would worry about AFTER I did it , if you mean dressing the part. The dress code for our store is the same for males/females (slacks and polo shirt).  Of course my face and body would change and some details. Honestly I dont know how it would go. There are a few that I figure it would go bad with. Then again I make a ugly guy. And according to two of the responses I look somewhat pretty, so I dont know.

My store has several gay outed managers (Bobby, Matt, and one more that transferred to become a store GM).

I currently live at home in Kendra mode about 60% to 80% of the time.

I do have 2 earrings, long finger nails, shaped feminine eyebrows, and wear mascara and coverup everyday. Really all that would change is hormones/ name/ hair/ voice / and underwear. I guess even those are dramatic a bit, but not as dramatic as others in this situation (since I feminized part of my everyday already).

So I dont know...

[Denise01]

I am so happy for you that you had a good year coming out to some of your friends. I just hope for you that this continues.

I Had the same good experiences this year as well. While I can't come out at home for various reasons including living in a small town where every one knows every one, I did take the big step when on vacation, and in a way, came out to my self by going out shopping fully femme, with some girls that I know.
The feeling was great and can't wait to have the chance to do it again

Denise

[Kendall]

Yes shopping sounds nice. I havent done that yet, I just have been to a fast food place in girl mode.

Going to church seems like a good step, if they are open to it.

Today I went with my pink gemmed earrings and heavier than normal makeup. Lainna, one more person that was on my list asked "are you wearring makeup?" I answerred "yes". She sort of was surprised and said "most guys when you ask if they are wearring makeup say No." She asked if I wore it often, I said everyday. Later she when we were talking about christmas gifts  I said "guess what I got for christmas?" She asked if it was those pink earrings, I said " actually yes, with a whole set of matching jewelry, but I also got...."

Then just before I was about to leave a customer wanted a book about marraige prep or something. I looked it up. She said " You have long fingernails. Mine cant grow that long. Are you a musician?" lol, i almost laughed and said nooo.

Lainna was one person that had always joked about me being interested in girl stuff, though I actually never admited it to her. This was the first time saying it.

[Kendall]

I told and showed 2 more people yesterday and today.

Paige, one person that works in the kids department had a bad day. She had come in late due to power outage, and had got hit in the head that night with a beer bottle thrown across the room. I came up to here later saying a joke about a song, then said that this last weekend I channeled my girl in me. Showed her. She seems to have thought it ok, and asked many questions.

Today I showed some of them to Laina, that I had told  a few days ago. She liked my picture I am using as an avatar right now (I showed her 4 pictures all together).

Rochelle (my big boss) saw it too and when laina asked why I do it, she just jumped in and sort of defended me already lol.