What Made You Both Happy and Unhappy at the Same Time Today? 2.0

[Dee Marshall]

This is awfully long and a little messed up but here it is. (I really don't expect anyone to read all of it. It just helps to express it.)

Back story: Ten years ago or so, when all of this was just forcing itself into my consciousness, I was still presenting male and in firm denial. I had an affair with a lesbian. Neither of us understood the attraction but we couldn't deny it. She asked me to tell Randi. I did, it nearly destroyed us but we got past it and Randi and I stayed together

Randi isn't the type to forgive or forget, but she seemed to let it go. Four years ago I admitted to myself that I'm trans and admitted it to her. She said that she would stay until my transition was completed.

Two years ago she said that she wanted a divorce but has done nothing about it. Ambiguity like this stresses me out unbareably. It's been a tough roller coaster two years.

Today Randi needed the car and had to drive me to a client. She was stressed about her errand, doesn't know the route to my client, and we had an argument. She almost blew a stop sign and threatened to put me out of the car. I told her to do so. She didn't because she said we can't afford for me to miss clients and lose income. I told her that there is no "we" as she had told me two years before. She replied that there had been no "we" since I cheated.

I'm heartsick over this but relieved that the ambiguity is over.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[natalie.ashlyne]

My Doctors appointment was cancelled but thankfully the called before I left for my drive there. so now spending the day with my tria

[TicTac]

Life is not working out the way I want it to, and it is really bringing me down. At least I can say I am not homeless or dying from some disease so that is good I guess.

It is cold and rainy today so that is great! The house is dark from a lack of sun light, and I can hear the rain falling outside my window. I might actually remove my thick black window curtains for once. Best of all is that I actually have an appointment with my therapist which means I get to go out and enjoy the rain! Sigh, it is just so peaceful and quite...oh how I wish it could last forever. There is just something beautiful about a grey sky you know?

Yes, I like the rain.

[4A-GZE]

I debated on making a new thread for this, but I'm just going to put it here for now.

My girlfriend and I are in a polyamorous relationship, but I feel like she's uncomfortable with it. Yesterday, we had a wonderful first date with a beautiful woman that seemed to go really well, but after she went home, my girlfriend broke down crying because she was worried I was going to leave her for the new girl. I don't know where this came from, because we've already established that the two of us are going to stick together regardless.

So our date made me extremely happy, but everything else about it has been awful. I know that the simple answer is to just stop seeing other people, but I can't do that. I'm terrified of the concept of monogamy and I don't think that will change.

I guess what it boils down to is I'm starting to second guess our entire relationship. We're great for each other, but I don't think that we're capable of being truly happy together. I'm really firm on my position and I think that the only way this can work is if she can open up to polyamory. We've been together for two and a half years. She moved in with me to escape her abusive, alcoholic mother. I can't force her to go back, but I'm just realizing that I'm not happy with her.

This post has really changed course since I started writing it. I'm just realizing stuff as I go. I would feel like the absolute worst partner in history, but the ideal solution for me would be exactly what my girlfriend is afraid of. Maybe she can see things about me that even I can't.

I just want to start over...

[V M]

Endo appt. tomorrow, I always get nervous about it    The endo and staff are alright except the nurse who draws blood always acts put out for some reason

What makes me nervous is missing my ride and getting stranded so far away from home and having to find a way back

I'm sure it's just past experience impeding upon modern day and I shouldn't be so nervous but I'd much rather either drive myself or go with a well trusted friend

[4A-GZE]

Update on my previous post:

My girlfriend and I had a long talk and decided to have a completely open relationship for my sake. So that should hopefully be beneficial to my needs.

But on the flip side, the new girl from the other night has decided not to see either of us anymore because my girlfriend's discomfort made her uncomfortable as well. So... I'm kind of heartbroken. She was such a lovely person to talk to and it hurts to be cut off so suddenly.

[amberwaves]

When I looked in the mirror this morning I saw a pretty lady with no hint of a guy.  Unfortunately, I slept through my alarm and woke up right when I should be punching in.

[V M]

Stupid transport screwed up again and I had to miss my therapist appt.   Oh well, I don't really enjoy my visits there anyway

[TicTac]

I created this design in a a drawing program called Krita, and slapped it on to a shirt. The final version actually looks better but whatever. Anyways, I also bought leggings from KILLSTAR but I can't share the image due to copyright. The shirt looks cool right! My sister is jealous lol.



What made me unhappy is that I just spent close to $100 on 2 pieces of clothing, which makes me an idiot. I feel pretty depressed and guilty about it, but like I don't really have any cloths. I still have money left over, but that was for my dropshipping business, and instead I blew half of it...ugh. Well, my mom said she would support me on it, so spending a bit of my money on myself seemed okay. I don't know.

[4A-GZE]

Work was horrible today, between rude customers, excessive workload, and just outright nasty stuff. (I do junk removal. Sometimes that's just a sofa or something, but other times it's piles of moldy trash that have been sitting in a damp basement since the 1970s. This was one of those times.)

But, on the plus side, I get an extra $75 for the day because my partner and I made over $2000 in revenue for the company. That nearly doubles my hourly pay for today.

And... then again, it's pretty sad that he and I are only getting ~$150 each for the day when we earned that much. After expenses, we're still looking at $1800 or so. But that's capitalism for you, I guess.

[KathyLauren]

I do junk removal.

Maybe I've been hanging out here too long...  I saw "junk removal", and I thought of something else entirely!   

Nice that you got a bonus.  Sucks that it was nasty work.

[4A-GZE]

Maybe I've been hanging out here too long...  I saw "junk removal", and I thought of something else entirely!   

Nice that you got a bonus.  Sucks that it was nasty work.

Haha! That never even crossed my mind!

[Roll]

Got some good new women's tennis shoes I'm going to start wearing all the time. That's good. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, 10 and 1/2 go fast and that is my best size for shoes worn with potentially thicker socks like that. So I had to get 11s, meaning I have a little too much toe room. So yay for shoes. Boo for not being really the right size. (Though passable.)

(I fit a 10 on sockless shoes! Actually a 9 on left foot, but 10 on right if I don't want it to be cramped.)

[Northern Star Girl]

Got some good new women's tennis shoes I'm going to start wearing all the time. That's good. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, 10 and 1/2 go fast and that is my best size for shoes worn with potentially thicker socks like that. So I had to get 11s, meaning I have a little too much toe room. So yay for shoes. Boo for not being really the right size. (Though passable.)

(I fit a 10 on sockless shoes! Actually a 9 on left foot, but 10 on right if I don't want it to be cramped.)

@Roll   Ellie, thanks for posting your update....  just wondering, were they OBVIOUS female shoes ...
.... like pink or pink stripes with pink laces perhaps?   
Hugs,
Danielle

[Roll]

@Roll   Ellie, thanks for posting your update....  just wondering, were they OBVIOUS female shoes ...
.... like pink or pink stripes with pink laces perhaps?   
Hugs,
Danielle

Oh yes they were! One was a sort of peach-ish pink with either white or same pink-ish laces, other is solid white but in a distinctly feminine cut.

[Allison S]

I think I'm more accepting now that I honestly don't know my style anymore. I went into a store and I saw some stuff, even picked out a few plain tops and pair of short shorts. But I thought about it (maybe a bit too much) and just didn't want the stuff anymore. I feel like I just need to go to more stores and really look at everything.
I don't really even know what I want anymore. Maybe when my body changes more on hrt it'll be easier.. let's hope

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[Dee Marshall]

Got three nice new tops yesterday. Love them!

Felt guilty about spending the money, but then again I had to put three favorite tops into storage for "someday" and they needed to be replaced.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Sarah_P]

Got some good new women's tennis shoes I'm going to start wearing all the time. That's good. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, 10 and 1/2 go fast and that is my best size for shoes worn with potentially thicker socks like that. So I had to get 11s, meaning I have a little too much toe room. So yay for shoes. Boo for not being really the right size. (Though passable.)

(I fit a 10 on sockless shoes! Actually a 9 on left foot, but 10 on right if I don't want it to be cramped.)

I wear 10 1/2 without socks. I never find any in stores, and haven't found a lot of styles I like online (within my low budget). 11s are fine if they have laces or an ankle strap to help hold them on.

[amberwaves]

I wear 10 1/2 without socks. I never find any in stores, and haven't found a lot of styles I like online (within my low budget). 11s are fine if they have laces or an ankle strap to help hold them on.

I find it depends on the brand, but I wear 10 1/2or 11 usually.  Payless seems to be my go to for actually finding shoes in that size.

[4A-GZE]

Damn, are these women's sizes? I'm lucky if I can find a men's 11 1/2 that fits comfortably.