Marissa is who I hoped I'd be one day, but that doesn't look like that's going to happen. I have always thought I wasn't right somehow and always wondered if I was meant to be female. Lately these feelings have come to the surface like a tsunami. I thing it might have something to do with the latest round of testosterone treatment. I was using T pellets. I sought out T replacement several years ago to try to make the female part go away, it didn't work. The implants I received in September didn't seem to work so I went in for blood work and it showed T levels were at 350, I went back to my uro and found that due to personnel changed at that clinic she was no longer working there. The other uro in the practice saw me and did another pellet implant and had me tested for estradiol. I turned out my E levels were high so he put me on arimidex, an aromatase blocker. My dysphoria has been unbearable the last month or so . In addition I came out to my wife of 24 yrs, and it was not received well at all, in fact she said that she would rather have heard that I was dying rather than me being trans. She could not bear to be married to a woman. I have south out a gender therapist and I have another appointment later today. It is my second appt. the first was before the holidays. I spoke to my wife about coming to a visit some time and she flat refused and said the therapist was "feeding me poison" I am at my whits end and don't know where to turn. It seems I can't transition nor can I bear living a life of dysphoria.
