im Rebekka
im usually haunting the chatroom, in cyberpunk mode (black with colored fonts)
anyway, i figured that it was awhile past due for me to come check out the forums, so here i am \o/
and can you guess what sci-fi movie (and character) the title of this post/thread references ?
edit-
since it seems customary to tell ones life story up till this point, i guess i will follow suit....
i was a 'ritalin kid', so i don't remember my childhood, except in vague fits and spurts, and never intact. The drugs pretty much mind-wiped me out of a childhood, and mom had to fight The System (ie, doctors, school doctrines, school staff, ect ect) to get me off of meds by highschool. i am told that my father was abusive, and that in addition to the usual wife-beating, he sexually abused me.... Given that i was on a cocktail of drugs to begin with, my mind was not there, and so im inclined to think that it happened to 'someone else', and whomever that was which was wearing the body i have now, i hope they're in a better place.
From my perspective, i was a 'little girl' who suddenly woke up as a teenage boy in the social slaughterhouse that is american public high school - not only was i behind the (mental) age curve, i was also on the wrong side of the gender divide, and my only real asset was reading skills. While my 'normal' peers struggled to read material that was meant for later elementary students, i was swinging for the fences and reading fully adult material, mostly library books by my later sophomore year.
still, i had to let my mind recover from the drugs, and develop from its drug-addled stasis, so after graduating highschool, i took it easy and rehabilitated my mind - gone was the 'normal' zombie that the System had sought to make of me. However, at the same time, i was also different and separate from others around me, and most certainly a stranger in a weird land.
My access to a then-burgeoning internet filled my head with alot of dreams, but also showed me that the world is not as it is presented as. I discovered the full width and breadth of conspiracy theories. My first real exposure to the conspiracy theory world was when 9/11 happened, and the school practically shut down and everyone basically lost their minds, watching the endless repeats of the impacts and the towers coming down. I, being practically a space alien, was unaffected by it. After all, i was not a part of the culture, however much i was made to be in the culture.
Afterwards, the internet began to run abuzz with strange coincidences about 9/11, and the 'inside job' proto-movement was born, but more on that elsewhere.
Personally, as my body began to get even more male, and other people began measuring me with male standards and requirements, i began to recede back into myself; no longer was i welcome with my female friends, because i was male, and if i wasn't date material, then i was not worthy of tolerating. Concurrently, the divide between me and the few male friends i had also expanded; while they went on dates and managed to somehow get ahold of cars or motorscooters, and went on to be very successful in life, according to the societal criteria, i was more concerned with schoolwork, star wars, my gender dysphoria, and the Real Truths of the World at large..... along with being shuffled around from place to place alongside mom, which taught me several other life lessons, but more on that later.
(as abit of a sidenote, mom remarried for afew years to an older man, who among other things, rather quietly claimed to be 'the archangel michael', and had various folder files of UFO schematics, which inspired me to the alternate technologies side of conspiracy theory.... I now have as much, if not more information on flying saucers in PDF's and other computer files. What was rather convincing about 'micheal-angelo', was that he did indeed grow tiny pinfeathers out of his back, which required plucking and bandaging. )
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Today, i am largely the same as i was in highschool, except that with the development of the internet, so too has my mind developed..... Unfortunately, that also includes a developed sense of cynicism, instead of a developed sense of social-ness to complement my (anticipated, but never delivered-on) female body.
