Is it normal to sometimes think "maybe I could be a girl"?

[ScottyMac]

The majority of the time I feel 100% I am male. However, recently, whenever I see a YouTube video or whatever with I girl I like/admire I think "hey, I could be like her. I want to be like her, and I already have the female body so". This lasts for a while then I usually am like "no, I'm  boy". Is this normal?

[adrian]

Hi Scotty

is it normal? Yes! Does everyone feel like that? Probably not (I don't, for one) -- but gender identity is an incredibly individual thing. It could be there's some fluidity going on in how you identify. But it could also just be an expression of "admiration".

Accept this feeling -- nothing wrong with it! -- and try to understand what it's implications might be in terms of your identity and a possible transition. It doesn't mean you're less male or anything.

[ScottyMac]

I wouldn't say I was gender fluid. I am pretty much like every other teenage boy, except for the body. I wouldn't want to be a guy who cross dresses/wore make up for example. I never act girly.

When I think I could be a girl, it is like I could wear the make up and the clothes. I wouldn't want to as a male though, if that makes sense? I don't think I could ever be comfortable with boobs though.

[sneakersjay]

I was a tomboy in girl mode, but had long hair, wore some (minimal) makeup and earrings and such.  Definitely NOT butch in any way (other than the fact that I did like jeans and flannel shirts, LOL).  I would see some butch women who seemed very happy and think, why can't I just be like her and be happy???  Well, because I wasn't a butch or masculine woman, I was male, period.

And I would occasionally watch What Not To Wear and spent lots of money updating my wardrobe to be more feminine, thinking maybe if I looked good instead of frumpy I'd feel better about myself. But the clothes just made my skin crawl.  Lots of it went to Goodwill with the tags still on.

So yeah, I think some of us do go through stuff like this as we try to figure out who, exactly, we are.  It's a process.

[AbeLane]

Hey Scotty.

I think I share a bit of what you're feeling. Though I'm not sure it's exactly the same. I'm still fairly new to being comfortable with identifying as a male to myself (I was in denial for a LONG time). I still haven't come out to friends or my family. And sometimes when I think about the road ahead of me I think maybe I could stay a girl. Though I don't think I would ever be comfortable with it, I feel like sometimes if I just tried hard enough or found the right look as a girl I could deal.

But yeah...I'm a guy. So the feeling doesn't ever last long. I'm not sure if that sounds the same.

[Alexthecat]

I think we naturally want to try to the easy way first. It's easier to stay as you were born, but easier isn't always better.

[Colleen M]

From the other side of the fence, it sounds normal enough to me.  I found myself doing that less and less often as time went on, though. 

[zero.cool.crash.override]

And I would occasionally watch What Not To Wear and spent lots of money updating my wardrobe to be more feminine, thinking maybe if I looked good instead of frumpy I'd feel better about myself. But the clothes just made my skin crawl.  Lots of it went to Goodwill with the tags still on.

^ I have thought and done this EXACT thing!  I've gone through various variations of this many times throughout the years, but it always ended that same way. 

As to the original post, yes, I've experienced that as well.  It seems like I can find maybe 1 out of every 10,000 women I see who I think that maybe I could emulate in terms of style or countenance.  I'm pretty sure that was just a result of me trying so hard to be a normal woman.  And it never lasted.  I would guess that if cis people felt the freedom to explore their gender presentation freely, they would encounter this from time to time as well. 

[Arch]

Sounds like it's normal for you. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Going4Miles]

Hey Scotty.

I think I share a bit of what you're feeling. Though I'm not sure it's exactly the same. I'm still fairly new to being comfortable with identifying as a male to myself (I was in denial for a LONG time). I still haven't come out to friends or my family. And sometimes when I think about the road ahead of me I think maybe I could stay a girl. Though I don't think I would ever be comfortable with it, I feel like sometimes if I just tried hard enough or found the right look as a girl I could deal.

But yeah...I'm a guy. So the feeling doesn't ever last long. I'm not sure if that sounds the same.

Being transgender is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong answer regarding your identity or how far to go in transitioning.  What matters is finding and connecting to the real you.  Love yourself and only do the changes that work for you and that you are the most comfortable in doing.  Take all of the time you need and don't worry what other people will think because they will judge you no matter what you do in life.  This is YOUR life.  I am 46 years old and I am still making new discoveries about myself.  I am a preT, pre-op transman, and I will starting T by the end of this month.  This past year, I realized that for the past 25 years I was on an identity search but lived with a highly feminine persona.  I reached a point that I couldn't take it anymore because it wasn't really me.  I went through about 7 different hair colors and various styles of dress, and my weight varied as well.  Then it finally hit me that during those years, I had been playing characters.  I was actually hurting myself and I was holding myself back, because I was unable to express the real me.  This discovery hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew that I had to change.  I do not regret the years where I lived with such a highly female persona, as the experiences I had undergone while living this way was enlightening and if anything, it probably made me a better person and a strong supporter for feminism.  I recognize that I am not completely male or female and I may never know the balance between the 2 genders.  The only thing I know at this time is that the male is more dominant and in order to feel free and that I am being true to myself, that I've got to bring the male side out, full-time.  I always knew that something was "off" about me and it has taken all of these years to figure out what it was.         

[Going4Miles]

The majority of the time I feel 100% I am male. However, recently, whenever I see a YouTube video or whatever with I girl I like/admire I think "hey, I could be like her. I want to be like her, and I already have the female body so". This lasts for a while then I usually am like "no, I'm  boy". Is this normal?

IMO, there's no such thing as being 100% anything and this includes gender identity, sexual orientation and your beliefs and opinions about everything.  We never stop learning and growing in life.  I think it's perfectly natural and normal to second guess yourself; it only means that you are thinking critically and it's a healthy approach.  I try to examine things about myself from every angle.  You are expanding and broadening your horizons in your journey.  You may find that there is a tiny part of yourself that may identify as what society perceives as female, but this does not define your identity.  I wouldn't worry about it. 

Cheers and good luck to you on your transition to male. 

Miles

[Lukoshkin]

I think.... thinking is normal for the person. I have heard many stories in which people imagine themselves in the other gender, for a variety of reasons (not related with TS at all). I don't imagine myself as a girl, but, when I walked past the store with beautiful adornments, I think: it's a pity  I can't put them on. 

[Elis]

I don't imagine myself as a girl, but, when I walked past the store with beautiful adornments, I think: it's a pity  I can't put them on. 

I'm like that too

[DoYouRealize]

And I would occasionally watch What Not To Wear and spent lots of money updating my wardrobe to be more feminine, thinking maybe if I looked good instead of frumpy I'd feel better about myself. But the clothes just made my skin crawl.  Lots of it went to Goodwill with the tags still on.

Me too! Ha.
For years i never could get the "looking/dressing/acting like a woman" thing right. I felt off, oddly enough like i stuck out or wasn't "passing..." ... then i'd get confused & scold myself, wondering why "passing" as female was even a thought or impression in my mind at all.
I just felt dishonest in some vague, nebulous way.
Now strangely since starting T i am less concerned. If i do choose to do femme presentation, i accept within myself that i'm in a sort of drag and i choose to enjoy it. If i wont enjoy it, i stick with my queer/masculine style & worry a lot less.

[heavymetalkaiju]

I sort of experience this, but I think for me it's more of a denial kind of thing. "You could pull this off if you just tried..." but I'd feel slimy and fake. I'm not sure if yours is a denial, or simply an admiration for an aesthetic. Or perhaps both? You think they look well put-together, and you want to be that confident in your gender.