So I just came out by email to my two closest friends by email, since our weekly tv night/ get together was conflicting with my appointments, I didn't want to come up with some lame excuse, and I felt encouraged by the response to my transition posts on here and ->-bleeped-<-. It was not very well prepared, but I thought I knew them well enough that they would be accepting.
So far one has responded pretty much as I thought he would.
I am an emotional wreck right now, been crying for hours, but I think in a good way.
Here is what I sent:
Alright, I was going to wait till this become more obvious, but...
I have an appointment with an electrolysist and will not be home till 7 or so since I am coming from Queen Anne. My face will be really swollen somewhere, so I will not want to go anywhere, and will be icing my face all night. I have been doing this about every Saturday, and now Fridays as well, but this time happened to be on a Thursday. This has pretty much been my weekend for months. It is a long, slow, painful and expensive process.
The reason why I am going to an electrolysist is because I am now trans, I am transgender. I have been on hormone therapy since August. Yup.
I hear Derek going "WOW" out loud right about now.
The short version why is, I have been fighting this for years, and I got tired of fighting it, fighting myself. I want to be happy and completely true with myself, and find someone who will love everything about me. I thought about what kind of person I want to be when I die, do I want to go through the rest of my life repressed, with fear and regret, wondering what could have been, or try to truly be myself.
After a lot of research I came to realize that a lot of issues I have had most of my life is related to it. Points in my life are obvious in hindsight, I wish I had known sooner. The only alternative is what I had been doing all these years and it hadn't worked out. It got to a point where it was now or never. There were enough examples of transitions online, and of couples with women that I found attractive, that gave me hope that this possible. I am not sure where I will eventually end up in the gender spectrum, I am just taking it slowly and learning along the way, trying to be smart about it and will try not to look like a freak. For various reasons I believe in the theory that it could be related to hormone fluctuations during embryo development. The hormones have worked like an antidepressant for me, it felt like a weight was lifted off of me and I am much happier now. It could take another three months to a year before my appearance becomes more obvious.
I could potentially be jeopardizing everything, friends, family, work and my life. It was not easy signing up for one of the most misunderstood and at risk minorities, risk giving up "male privilege", and other gender issues. But it is not something I choose to do, but something I choose not to do. Luckily, Seattle happens to be one of the most trans friendly cities, if not thee most, and there have been recent advances in the media, and for trans rights, even Obama mentioned transgender in the SOTU address. So on some Wednesdays I go to a support group and on some Fridays I go to a counselor.
I am writing this without much sleep, Cyder woke me up again, so I hope this is not too disjointed.
I hope this doesn't freak you guys out, and I am sure you will have lots of questions, I would be open to talking sooner when you are ready.
-J
