Advice for trans kids in small communities/schools?

[Myshonok]

I'm talking REALLY small here, like less than 500 people. I'm absolutely terrified of coming out to anyone due to how quickly rumors spread here and how little anonymity I have. There are also absolutely no resources for LGBTQ+ people. Everyone here knows me as a butch girl, no more, no less. I never even came out to them when I still thought I was bi. Even though I know there are people in my high school (of about 20 kids) who are accepting of trans people, I'm afraid they wouldn't be able to make the switch since I've gone to school with them for literally our whole lives. It's hard. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this situation or give me some advice?

[suzifrommd]

I'm talking REALLY small here, like less than 500 people. I'm absolutely terrified of coming out to anyone due to how quickly rumors spread here and how little anonymity I have. There are also absolutely no resources for LGBTQ+ people. Everyone here knows me as a butch girl, no more, no less. I never even came out to them when I still thought I was bi. Even though I know there are people in my high school (of about 20 kids) who are accepting of trans people, I'm afraid they wouldn't be able to make the switch since I've gone to school with them for literally our whole lives. It's hard. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this situation or give me some advice?

No, don't have any experience to relate with small towns. I'm a Gay/Straight Alliance advisor for a large suburban school.

My suggestion would be to find an adult who can be an ally. Will your parents be supportive? A counselor? Where is the nearest PFLAG chapter? You can try emailing someone there, even if it's many miles away.

If you have a friend you can trust, try coming out to them. If they can be an ally in your transition it will make it easier. If someone can speak up or advocate for you, it makes things easier.

Finally, read up on the transgender anti-discrimination laws in your area. If you're in the U.S., for example, the department of education has guidelines that schools who receive federal funds must follow.

Most important, keep posting here. You have lots of brothers and sisters here who can help you through this process.

[Myshonok]

My suggestion would be to find an adult who can be an ally. Will your parents be supportive? A counselor? Where is the nearest PFLAG chapter? You can try emailing someone there, even if it's many miles away.

If you have a friend you can trust, try coming out to them. If they can be an ally in your transition it will make it easier. If someone can speak up or advocate for you, it makes things easier.

Finally, read up on the transgender anti-discrimination laws in your area. If you're in the U.S., for example, the department of education has guidelines that schools who receive federal funds must follow.

Most important, keep posting here. You have lots of brothers and sisters here who can help you through this process.

I'm super grateful for everyone on this forum! I already feel less alone having been signed up for one day.

My mom has shown to be somewhat supportive of trans people. I'm out to her as gender variant, but she still considers me to be her daughter and not her child or son. She's also stated that, if I were to decide I "wanted to be a boy," she wouldn't be able to support me in transitioning. She's afraid I'm already making my life too hard as it is. I don't even want to think about what my dad would do, since he's pretty conservative and could barely handle me being bi. He doesn't live at home, though, so it's not as big of a deal to me. I do, however, have an upcoming appointment with a counselor a few towns over to help with my depression, and I plan on coming out to her. The nearest PFLAG chapter is about three hours away, but I hadn't really thought of emailing them. I'll get right on that after I finish this reply!!

I don't have any friends in my school that I trust. All of my friends who I do trust live several hundred miles away and they already know that I'm trans. I'm reluctant to come out at school anyway until I do fully come out to my parents. The word would get back to my mom before I even made it home thanks to how fast rumors travel in small towns.

[suzifrommd]

She's also stated that, if I were to decide I "wanted to be a boy," she wouldn't be able to support me in transitioning.

I wonder if your Mom could use some educating. It might help her to know:
* We don't "decide" we want to be a particular gender. We're born that way.
* Transgender is serious. Anxiety and depression are common among those who ignore it. These do not respond to the treatments that most anxiety and depression respond to.
* Transitioning is recognized by the therapeutic community as a successful treatment. Most of those who transition end up with satisfying, fulfilling lives.
* Transgender doesn't go away on its own, and often becomes worse.

[Myshonok]

I wonder if your Mom could use some educating. It might help her to know:
* We don't "decide" we want to be a particular gender. We're born that way.
* Transgender is serious. Anxiety and depression are common among those who ignore it. These do not respond to the treatments that most anxiety and depression respond to.
* Transitioning is recognized by the therapeutic community as a successful treatment. Most of those who transition end up with satisfying, fulfilling lives.
* Transgender doesn't go away on its own, and often becomes worse.

I've done my best to educate her on these things in the past, but she always says she doesn't have time to think about it. I guess I believe her since she works just about around the clock but it still hurts. I'm hoping that I can talk to her with my counselor at some point.

[suzifrommd]

I've done my best to educate her on these things in the past, but she always says she doesn't have time to think about it. I guess I believe her since she works just about around the clock but it still hurts. I'm hoping that I can talk to her with my counselor at some point.

Good plan.

But I dispute her claim that she doesn't have time to think about it. She doesn't want to think about it.

Hugs. This is a hard place to be. Small town or big city, it's hard to deal with parents who don't want to be educated.

One of the hardest.

[Myshonok]

Good plan.

But I dispute her claim that she doesn't have time to think about it. She doesn't want to think about it.

Hugs. This is a hard place to be. Small town or big city, it's hard to deal with parents who don't want to be educated.

One of the hardest.

I really appreciate the support!

I should mention that when I came out to her as gender variant, she stated that the whole idea of me not being able to live "easily" (as a girl) scared her. It makes me think she's just worried about my livelihood, but it's frustrating that my livelihood is being hurt by her more than anything else. sigh.

[suzifrommd]

I really appreciate the support!

I should mention that when I came out to her as gender variant, she stated that the whole idea of me not being able to live "easily" (as a girl) scared her. It makes me think she's just worried about my livelihood, but it's frustrating that my livelihood is being hurt by her more than anything else. sigh.

Well I transitioned as a teacher in a high school, and I'm still doing fine. I know lots of trans people that work as professionals. Cis or trans, f you work hard you'll find a way to make a living. If you transition, you'll make that living as your genuine self which is a bonus.

[eli8282]

I delt wih the same exact thing. Kids are suprising. I was expecting bad when i came out but i was fully exepted and i can use the boys locker rooms with kids i've known since preschool and they don't care! Just go for it!