how often do you think about it?

kittylover · January 14, 2015, 02:59:03 PM

I'm just wondering how often people think about something having to do with being trans. Partially because I've been accused of "obsessing" by my parents and I'm wonndering how normal it is for it to almost constantly be on your mind.

Tessa James · January 14, 2015, 03:13:56 PM

I have been thinking about trans issues seemingly forever. I doubt a day has gone by in the last three years without a trans related thought or feeling. Coming to terms with our intrinsic gender identity impacts almost every facet of our lives. It is a big deal and why would anyone go down this road without thorough self examination and reflection?

Obsession suggests the depth and gravity of what we feel. I do think it is a good idea to maintain our other life interests, pursuits and hobbies. Nobody but my friends who are trans wants to talk or hear about this all the time. Relationships that are most successful often feature a balance and your parents may need a break or to hear about your other loving passions for music, literature, games and people beyond transgender. We might need to buff up our own listening skills and give others a chance to yak without interruption or comment. One of my personal wrong headed reasons for previously denying my truth was that i didn't want to be like or relate to the trans people I had once met that seemed to suck all the air from the room with the obsessive need and challenges we face. I run the risk of being just like that now and need to take my own advice

Jason C · January 14, 2015, 09:20:37 PM

I think about it everyday, more or less. But now that I'm out to everyone, I don't think about it quite so much, because a lot of it was me obsessing over coming out. I was always thinking, "If you don't come out, you can't get on T, and then you're stuck like this forever." Whereas now, obviously I think about the future, the legal name change, the T, etc., but it's not so heavy and stressful anymore.

IAmDariaQuinn · January 14, 2015, 09:47:35 PM

I would imagine if you're not living full-time, it's hard not to be thinking about it, constantly. I know for me that it's all I can do right now not to anticipate every second when I can finally shed my male identity and be Daria for a while, even if only online. I probably make this sound like some weird role-playing thing, but the moment you finally admit to yourself that you're living a lie, it's hard not to want to live your truth every waking second. At least, that's how I'm feeling about this.

Kitty June · January 14, 2015, 10:56:23 PM

I agree 100% all I seem to think about lately (let's say 80% of the time) is how to transition without totally screwing up. Mostly it's the desire to just do it, but I can't pass now.
I can dress at home with family and friends, but I chicken out going to the store. I believe that when I finally get to the other side it will no longer consume my thoughts. It will just be life as I know it.

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Tessa James · January 14, 2015, 11:07:51 PM

We are all such individuals but I have found that it may take years, post transition ,for some of us to get off the 24/7 trans is my life merry go round. Time does help heal us?

cindy16 · January 15, 2015, 04:45:02 AM

I've been thinking about it constantly for the last few weeks, and before that, it had been a nagging background noise for many months at least (years, maybe?)
Strangely, now the constant thinking is also matched by a greater focus on my work, health, personal life etc. It's almost as if my mind is telling me that I have to keep everything in good shape so that transition (if/when it happens) is that much easier, instead of letting things run on an auto-pilot mode as they were earlier.

minxiejinxielynxie · January 15, 2015, 05:42:32 AM

I haven't stopped thinking about it really, a day doesn't go by where I haven't thought about it. Whether or not this will change once I actually start transition, I'm not sure, but for now it's a constant thought

gennee · January 15, 2015, 04:49:51 PM

It's a part of me. How can I not think about being trans. I don't spend every waking moment obsessing about it.

LoriLorenz · January 15, 2015, 07:26:46 PM

I do think about it a lot, but I have to agree with Tessa. Family NOT going through the same issues may feel frustrated with the topic being the ONLY topic of conversation.

Alternately, they might be upset about it since they still might see you as your birth gender, though you are NOT that gender inside! (Case in point: I came out to my Dad and told him I'm a guy inside, and his response - while over all great - included "You'll always be my little girl... sigh, time and patience!!!)

Yes to personal research, yes to discovery, yes to sharing with open individuals, no to hounding them on the topic. (I make sure to listen just as much as I talk, so my friends can share their troubles too.)

NatalieInProgress · January 16, 2015, 10:04:04 PM

When I first became aware of what might be going on with me, I thought about it almost constantly. Once I admitted the truth to myself and began living as myself, things became a lot less frantic. While it still influences a large portion of my life, going through transition has allowed me to actually focus on something other than whether or not I was transgender. The more I tried to ignore it, the more all consuming it became. It sounds like maybe some of that is going on for you as well.

alex_p10 · January 16, 2015, 11:14:52 PM

I think about it like crazy, thats why im here. for the most part i identify as a butch lesbian, but its killing me cos i cant stop thinking about T and the changes it brings and top surgery. I wish it was easy to sort all this out but apparently it is not.

genderirrelevant · January 17, 2015, 01:01:29 AM

It's only recently that I realized one could identify as FtN trans* so now I think about it constantly because I want top surgery and I'm thinking back over my life about all the different ways I didn't consider myself to be female gender. I live a very private life where I certainly appear to be female sex but I'm not at all feminine. There was no conflict in my life so I didn't need to think about trans* stuff. For over 30 years I've thought *ick* I don't want to be female but since I didn't want to become male I assumed I wasn't trans*. I also knew my orientation was the opposite of bisexual but I never knew there was a whole asexual community out there. Not having the words/labels to describe oneself doesn't change who you are or how you feel about yourself but it can affect how much it occupies your mind.

I don't think about coming out much because I'll have to do very little. It will more be a matter of just informing a few people that I'll be having surgery and taking time off for recovery. If I manage to lose 10+kgs in the next few months pre-surgery (miracle of miracles) then I think the post-surgical look will simply appear to be some more weight loss during the time away in recovery.

V M · January 17, 2015, 01:24:02 AM

I never really obsessed about it, but for several years I thought, wished and dreamed

Finally in my early forties I decided to actively pursue those thoughts, dreams and wishes

Ten years later I am still a work in progress but have hopefully made some good progress in some ways

Rebekka · January 17, 2015, 01:27:59 AM

given that im pre-everything right now, my dysphoria is often enough and constant enough, to pretty much ruin my day, almost every day.

No really, my life has been on hold for about 30 years now, for one reason or another, and whatever meager things ive managed to accomplish in life so far, it is in full and violent spite of my dysphoric existence.

Im all but overtly at war with myself, between my seeing transition as a salvation of some sort, and deeply suspecting that i am condemned to a long life of poverty and male-ness, and that whatever asset-items i do get ahold of (tent, cargo bike, computer, whatever), will eventually be taken away, and circumstances will plot to make me kowtow to a society that i really don't look too kindly at, and which certainly doesn't look at all kindly at me, either.

it would please me to no end, to be proven wrong about many such things....To be able to find feminine redemption, and to see the world as a bright and good place, and be secure in life and in living.

Katelyn · January 17, 2015, 03:52:42 AM

About 99% of the days of the past 7 years I've been thinking about it.

Kitty June · January 17, 2015, 04:08:09 AM

This forum is taking up too much of my time lol. So much to read and it feeds my obsession. Oh my.
Could have worse obsessions I suppose

Wherever you go, then there you are

JynxRosalie · January 17, 2015, 05:27:20 AM

I suppose it depends on where you are in life and your education on this subject. I know up until about the last three years it simply was a nagging want or wish that would come on randomly. Now that I've begun looking closer at it, I think about it everyday. I'm sure it drives my girlfriend a little crazy when I bring up some new thing I've found ^^"

Elsa Delyth · January 17, 2015, 05:49:55 AM

Not always... you know... sometimes I'm asleep! Lol.

Seriously, gender is woven into discourse, and human interaction -- present in almost every facet of life. Your parents remember themselves in relation to others constantly as well, the difference is only that your thing is weird to them.

JoanneB · January 17, 2015, 07:47:33 AM

Quote from: Elsa Delyth on January 17, 2015, 05:49:55 AM
Not always... you know... sometimes I'm asleep! Lol.

Sometimes I'm asleep and am not changing sexes between my dreams, sometimes in the middle of them.

I think I obsess a lot more about it now after having been part-time. I now have affirmation about passing or getting by well enough. One major hurdle over. But then what? Work, family, etc. all major hurdles and balancing losses there against the joy of being out in the real world as the real me.

News:

how often do you think about it?