when your family rejects you....

[Wild Flower]

I need to start preparing for this. My family will first break down and cry... call me a bunch of names and reject me. I know that will happen... but I think theyll come around in yrs to come.

I dont need their love... its this or suicide. I know this. This little hope keeps me alive. You tell me Ill die like an old man then Ill die now. I hate my very existence....

And I know Im a woman. Theres nothing male about it. I was never a male... probably the reason why men like me... but thats something else. I got nothing else....

[Ms Grace]

You never know, they mightn't react as badly as you think. I expected to be disowned but have been luke warmly accepted. My motto is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". An oldie but a goodie!!

[Wild Flower]

You never know, they mightn't react as badly as you think. I expected to be disowned but have been luke warmly accepted. My motto is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". An oldie but a goodie!!

I think it is the best... even if my immediate family. Ill be shunned by all the rest... and I hate to cause them pain... but this is my pain too. Its like Im suiciding the old me for someone else. I will lose all of them... they probably just see me privately after i transistion since itll be embarassing.... but im dying.

They couldnt even accept if I was gay... which came up. Im so tired.... its killing me now. Im losing my will to live everyday. I dont like myself anymore. I knew for sure I was trans for over 7 yrs now.... Im never enjoyed my life. It just keeps going... and going....

I consider suicide to reincarnate but... theres no guarantee. I dont like being a guy... or pretending to be one... which Im not really good at.

[SimplyConfused]

Rejection is never easy, but you are who you are, and who knows you better than yourself.  It might be a good idea to find someone who you can trust to help and support you through this.  I know for me I needed someone to help me speak up.  It's amazing what a little outside confidence can inspire.

[alexbb]

Laugh at the ones who dont like you being happy, and do it anyway.
I bet any under 30 or anyone who liked Dallas Buyers Club will be overjoyed for you.

[ImagineKate]

Family acceptance is important but I was prepared for complete rejection anyway. From everyone.

Is your life worth living as a man? Would you rather grow old as a man or a woman?

You said the choice is between transition or suicide. For many it is. Your family should be glad you're choosing life and not death.

You need to be happy. Your family needs to see that. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Even If your family is ultra religious they can come around. But I've found often that religion is a crutch used to support biases that people may have.

[Brenda E]

I bet any under 30 or anyone who liked Dallas Buyers Club will be overjoyed for you.

Exactly.  Young people these days really are far more accepting about these issues.  The older ones (40+) seem to be unable to shake the narrow opinions formed when growing up without the internet and without diverse friends.  Some are accepting, some aren't.

My blood family has reacted unconditionally positive to my coming out (so far), but my in-laws are not.  My friends are also unconditionally accepting, but I guess that's because it's what good friends do.  But yeah, I'm starting to feel the twinges of rejection the further I come out.  I've gotten the "easy" ones out of the way - parents, spouse, kids, close friends - and I'm not too surprised that they weren't concerned about the news; I know them all fairly well.  Now that I'm coming out to more distant family members and in-laws, things are starting to turn sour.

Best of luck.

[Wild Flower]

Family acceptance is important but I was prepared for complete rejection anyway. From everyone.

Is your life worth living as a man? Would you rather grow old as a man or a woman?

You said the choice is between transition or suicide. For many it is. Your family should be glad you're choosing life and not death.

You need to be happy. Your family needs to see that. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Even If your family is ultra religious they can come around. But I've found often that religion is a crutch used to support biases that people may have.

Its suicide now... it hasnt hit this level till now. I had a taste of being a woman, and I want more of it. Im fighting myself but I cant be a guy.... when people say man or guy.... it irks me.

That man... who I talk about.for the past 3 months... saw me as a woman. Im convince he saw the real me... and he fell in love with the real me.  Im over it. I cant have him. But.... that love was deeper than any love I ever had.... it was because I WAS 'love for the true me... not as a guy. I dont know how he seen it but he did. Hes not bisexual.... his wife was as pretty and feminine as can be (we never kiss by the way)... but with him I could talk like a girl (giggle, look pretty for him, turn on my Regina George personality and be a witch)

Now... i know i can be accepted and love as a woman which was a huge fear of mine.  I broke down a lot this week because i have no one who sees the real me.... self actualization.... im a woman.  Im more woman than a lot of women.... my personality is too feminine... when others just look feminine... i am feminine.

[Eva Marie]

Its suicide now...

I hope this doesn't mean what I think it might mean. If it does please seek help now - the world is a much better place with you in it. You can call these numbers for help:

National Hopeline Network  1-877-235-4525
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
The Trever Help Line (for gay & questioning youths 1-866-488-7386

If it doesn't mean that then forgive my misunderstanding, and lets talk some about you and where you are.

First off.... breathe! I (and many others) have been in your shoes before - the world is black and you are consumed with your thoughts of wanting to be a female and also of wanting just to end it all - it all just seems hopeless..... but it's not! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you have a therapist? If not - that should be the #1 task for you to do TODAY. A therapist can explore these feelings with you and will help you work your way through them. If you do have a therapist call him/her TODAY and tell him/her whats going on. If you don't have a therapist and you think you might do harm to yourself call emergency services (911 in the U.S.) and tell them that you are planning to harm yourself and they will send help.

Also - keep coming here and talking with us - many of us have been through this ourselves and we will be glad to talk you through whatever might be going on.

This can be dealt with, but only if you are still among us. You can be the woman that your are, it is very possible! Two years ago I was a fat, married, alcoholic dude living a miserable life - I reached a point where I had to do something about it, much like the point where you are - and I did. Today I am the female I should have been all along and while my life is not perfect it's pretty dang nice.

My family rejected me too. It is hard to deal with sometimes (ie: holidays), but if I didn't transition I would not be here today. I can live without my families approval, but I could not continue living with the way things were before. I chose life.

Please respond and let us know that you are ok!

~Eva

[allisonsteph]

What Eva Marie said...

I have stood in your shoes and the people hare have been very helpful and supportive. I also have used the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 a few times and they have given me hope when I needed it the most. Plus as others have said you never know how family will react. The family members that I expected the harshest rejection from are actually  the ones who embraced and support me the most.

[mrs izzy]

I think it's a good idea to step back and take a breath.

Seek out medical intervention to help you deal with the issues in a calm setting.

As others said reach out .

[Rosa]

I suggest that you have a strong support system before you tell your family, and when you do tell them, remember that you have been processing your feelings and identity for a long time whereas they will find out about this all in one moment and very likely without knowing anything factual about the whole thing.  Give them time, but then, don't allow their reactions control how you live or feel about yourself.  Courage, girl!

[Brenda E]

Should this topic not be titled: "if your family rejects you..."?

By all means plan for the worst, but hope for the best.  Families can be surprising - in a good way.

[ImagineKate]

Don't forget trans lifeline

http://www.translifeline.org

Life is beautiful and it's worth living.

Suicide attempts... I've been there. Thankfully they failed or I chickened out. East river water too cold, bleach didn't go down well, dad calling the cops... Thankfully all those things happened or I would not have a chance to become the beautiful woman on the outside I know i am on the inside

[barbie]

In my case, it takes several years for my family to accept my gender expression. Still my sister does not understand me at all. Be patient.

barbie~~

[Wild Flower]

I hope this doesn't mean what I think it might mean. If it does please seek help now - the world is a much better place with you in it. You can call these numbers for help:

National Hopeline Network  1-877-235-4525
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
The Trever Help Line (for gay & questioning youths 1-866-488-7386

If it doesn't mean that then forgive my misunderstanding, and lets talk some about you and where you are.

First off.... breathe! I (and many others) have been in your shoes before - the world is black and you are consumed with your thoughts of wanting to be a female and also of wanting just to end it all - it all just seems hopeless..... but it's not! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you have a therapist? If not - that should be the #1 task for you to do TODAY. A therapist can explore these feelings with you and will help you work your way through them. If you do have a therapist call him/her TODAY and tell him/her whats going on. If you don't have a therapist and you think you might do harm to yourself call emergency services (911 in the U.S.) and tell them that you are planning to harm yourself and they will send help.

Also - keep coming here and talking with us - many of us have been through this ourselves and we will be glad to talk you through whatever might be going on.

This can be dealt with, but only if you are still among us. You can be the woman that your are, it is very possible! Two years ago I was a fat, married, alcoholic dude living a miserable life - I reached a point where I had to do something about it, much like the point where you are - and I did. Today I am the female I should have been all along and while my life is not perfect it's pretty dang nice.

My family rejected me too. It is hard to deal with sometimes (ie: holidays), but if I didn't transition I would not be here today. I can live without my families approval, but I could not continue living with the way things were before. I chose life.

Please respond and let us know that you are ok!

~Eva

Thank you.

I am okay. I just feel suicidal but I do act on my thoughts. On Wednesday last week it was pretty bad but I got over it... I need to start some form of HRT. I dont know if I can find a theraphist at least were I am.... Im not in the US but an Asian country.

Thank you everyone.

[VikingArchangel]

I thought my religious, judgemental family would be the same way. There's a thread on here about me coming out to my mom. She's misinformed, but accepting and supportive. It does get better, my friend.

[ImagineKate]

Thank you.

I am okay. I just feel suicidal but I do act on my thoughts. On Wednesday last week it was pretty bad but I got over it... I need to start some form of HRT. I dont know if I can find a theraphist at least were I am.... Im not in the US but an Asian country.

Thank you everyone.

Do they do informed consent or similar there? That's an option. It has worked well for me.

[Monika the diva]

Its suicide now

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Yes, death is a part of life but it's at the end of your life when you lived a long fulfilling life. I felt just like you at one point or another minus the suicide. I never thought attempt suicide because i am transgender. When i was about to come out to my mother a few days before thanksgiving my heart was pounding i was barely eating. I was ready to take my leave and quit my job and move to Las Vegas to be away from my family. In the end my family excepted me. I think it's pretty common that among family member's you'll find one of three categories:  The full-supporter, the wild card and the opposing member. The full support and opposing member are very self-explanatory. The wild card is interesting the wild card is someone who is in between the two categories where they can't make heads or tails of it. They support you but no 100%, they would typically see how things play out at first before they could support you. Mom turned out to be my full supporter, my brother was the wild card and my dad was the other. In all families you'll find these people. If you have a supporter one is better than nothing. I think if your family really loves you for you they'll stick with you no matter how much they disagree. Just because they might not see you as a female yet doesn't mean it's the end of the world. For those of us who are working at achieving at becoming female we are just physically under construction to match our inner-selves. And another thing, you're not allowing other people the opportunity to get to know you. Perhaps your future spouse whom ever they may be is out there waiting for you and if you do commit suicide you're robbing those who haven't met you yet of yourself. Give yourself a little more time. I find that coming out to one person at a time is better than dealing with the whole crowd.

Please allow yourself to be loved by you first. Allow yourself to be happy open your heart to you. Once you can do that you can left your family in.

It's not easy but you must have the inner strength to do this and achieve what you need to do.

Please think things through and you can be happy and not rob yourself for a chance at real love.

[tinatrixie2]

when i told my mum and brother that im a transgender mtf they were very shocked but they said they would stand by me and support me ha ha , it has been over a year since i told them and guess what mum refuses to call me tina  and never will my brother has his head in the sand and just ignores me . well as time goes by you relise that your so called loving family isnt as important to you anymore im strong ive got support from my loving wife and the gender clinic in nottingham . its a selfish jorney we are all on and you need to think of number 1. get out there girl and try and find some support tell your family when your good and ready dont let it drag you down not every family is the same . dont give up on the woman you want to be good luck