transphobia vs.... transphobia?

[Emmaleigh]

I attended a new (for me) group tonite, where I learned a new definition for 'transphobia'. Whenever I have encountered this word in the past, it was used the same as homophobia, similar to 'racist' or 'bigot', as in probably engendering some form of rage or outrage or 'gonna beat the livin hell out of you' aggression.

The person who was talking brought up the subject of 'internalized transphobia', which really confused the hell out of me, especially as they continued to speak about the pain they felt because of what they were learning about themselves. I had to interrupt and ask for an explanation of WTF they were talking about. Turns out, they were using it like agoraphobia or claustrophobia (which may explain some occasional confusion I've had when reading or hearing this word in the past - LOL).

Isn't there a better word for this? For the confusion we feel, and the fear we feel toward the discoveries about our selves we are making? Some word that isn't easily so confused with the negativity of 'homophobia'?

[Devlyn]

The internalized transphobia often manifests itself by the person lashing out at other transgender people. This is a negative behaviour.

[Rachel]

For me, internalized transphobia and homophobia is being exposed to hate about trans and LGB by parents, siblings, teachers, clergy, police, television (radio, television and film)  and legislation. It is so pervasive, persistent and hateful that a young mind believes who and what we are is evil and vile. Yet, we are who we are and have this negative impression. For me it resulted in self hate to the point of resistance to my almost death. I was living with what felt like two personalities within myself and they were at war.

I asked myself how can a 5 year old be evil and perverted for being themselves? My answer is a 5 year old is innocent and should be loved for who they are. Those who push their brand of ignorance and hate are evil and perverted.

To me this is what internalized transphobia means.   

[Beth Andrea]

I understand, JayEm....When I first came out to myself, I had a mixture of eager giddyness, and loathing about being a caricature of a trans*person..."a man in a dress." (No offense to those who do look this way, either by circumstance or by choice)

I would look at my arms, see hairy and muscular, and think "How the HELL can these EVER be feminine?!" And nearly every other part of me...(my fingers have always been feminine)...so yeah, there is an element some of us have to deal with, and the best way is to ACCEPT who we are, do the best we can with what we have (body- and money-wise) and whatever HRT can do internally.

And be patient with ourselves. It takes time...and the knowledge that we are doing what is RIGHT for us, regardless of our own fears about other people.

Let go of those fears...we can't do anything about other people anyway, except to smile and be ourselves.

Damn I think I was lecturing again....