It's as I suspected all along. :/

[muffinpants]

So, it's been a while since I've been to these forums.. thought I'd put out an update though. Relationship with SO (mtf translady) is still intact.. open relationship aspects are kinda wack though. I hate it. And turns out she was straight all along. not asexual as she thought, which was easier to live with. I hate knowing that she is not sexually attracted to me because of my genitals. She never could touch them, I accepted her as asexual, but how does a relationship between a pansexual woman (me) and a straight woman (her), how does that work?? I'm so confused. She has all but said the words 'im straight' to me.. she tells everyone else she is only sexually attracted to guys. I was hoping it was a validation thing at first. How do things like this work out. I hate this.

[Ms Grace]

Sadly it doesn't sound like it's going to work out too well
Are you doing couples counselling? That might help.

[synesthetic]

I agree with Grace. It's not easy and may not work out, but of course nobody knows your relationship better than you two do, and couples counseling may really help.

[blueconstancy]

I'm so sorry. It seems especially cruel that *your* genitals might be the dealbreaker, but she can't change her orientation either...

[genderirrelevant]

Relationship with SO (mtf translady) is still intact.. open relationship aspects are kinda wack though. I hate it. And turns out she was straight all along. not asexual as she thought, which was easier to live with. I hate knowing that she is not sexually attracted to me because of my genitals. She never could touch them, I accepted her as asexual, but how does a relationship between a pansexual woman (me) and a straight woman (her), how does that work??

I'll say first that I don't want to touch anyone's genitals so I see things through an asexual lens. If you had a good relationship before you found out she was straight then that doesn't have to change. She didn't want sex with you before and she still doesn't. She has a non-sexual love for you and that can be awesome. What strikes me more is the open relationship aspect. Sounds like you were OK with it only as long as you were the only one looking elsewhere. Now she wants to change from an unequal relationship to a more equal one. If your need for outside relationships doesn't threaten this primary one then neither should her need.

That't my two cents based only on one little paragragh. You'll have to figure out what to do based on all the other messy details of feelings and life circumstances. Good luck!