so how do you tell someone gentily online that your transgender

[stephaniec]

I don't put down on a couple of dating sites that I'm transgender as kind of an ego boost thing , but I'm finding I'd like to talk to a few and be honest. I'd really just like to be friends , but I don't know how to tell them without them running. any suggestions

[missymay]

Maybe something along the lines of: Hi, my name is Stephaniec, I'm a trans woman, and I'm interested in...

Anyway, there's lots of fakes and scammers online, and a lot of them will tell you what you want to hear, so they can take advantage of you in some way. 

[Mallory]

Maybe something along the lines of: Hi, my name is Stephaniec, I'm a trans woman, and I'm interested in...

Anyway, there's lots of fakes and scammers online, and a lot of them will tell you what you want to hear, so they can take advantage of you in some way.

Oh, geeze yes.  And stay away from "CL".  As for your question, it depends on how honest you want to be versus how honest you need to be.  If the thought of withholding that information bothers you, which I sense it does, then be open and honest from the start.  If withholding that information doesn't bother you at all, but you're also not leading into a committed and serious relationship, then refrain from disclosing anything until you feel comfortable.

[stephaniec]

yea, I've been thinking about that recently, how much are these guys telling me that is true. It does bother me a lot not to be honest with someone , so I'm quite conflicted because so far once I tell them they split. There this one that's really cute and interesting , but I'm afraid now that it's not in my profile and I'm 100 % sure its going to be goodbye if I tell him , so I haven't replied to him because I'm so screwed up about this. I know it should be in my profile , but I just wanted to know if I was attractive in any way. sorry for sounding like an idiot.

[littleredrobinhood]

Well you said you're only interested in being friends, so in my opinion, they don't need to know.

Just be sure you're upfront about only wanting to be friends - else the other person might feel like you were leading them on.

[Devlyn]

100% of people who know you're transgender but are interested in you anyway won't split because you're transgender. I don't know what the odds are on the others, but I suspect slim. You seem determined to find someone who will make it through a reveal. Is there a reason for that?

Hugs, Devlyn

[stephaniec]

I'd like to be able to talk to someone as me totally

[Mariah]

I can totally relate to that. Before I even started my transition I felt that same need to tell a friend and completely clean about everything about me. It was such a relief to be able to do that. We all need someone we can do that with. It allows us to let our guard down and share all of our ups and downs with someone. Since your just wanting to be friends I say wait and test the waters with something. It will help give you an idea of how open and understanding they maybe. You could easily test the waters early on so as to have an opportunity near the start to share that your a trans woman with him. At least that is what I would consider doing, but no matter what it really does come down to a leap of faith in regards to your telling them and taking a chance on how they will handle it.

I'd like to be able to talk to someone as me totally

[stephaniec]

I guess really the  only way is to get it over with if its someone you want to try to talk to meaningfully .

[JoanneB]

A member of my group has these hints  

[stephaniec]

thanks

[Zoetrope]

There's no script ...

If the day comes where I feel myself getting close to someone, and somehow they can't pick me, I will say something like ...

'You're a awesome guy/girl/other and I like you ... so I need to tell you something'

Fire the warning shot, then out with it.

And that will be a test - whether they are indeed good for me or not :~)

*own it* !

[spooky]

My biggest suggestion is to not frame it as something to apologize for. 

The fact that you are transgender is not a negative.  People worth having in your life will not love you despite the fact that you are transgender.

I have an OkCupid profile and my "The most private thing you are willing to admit" section says, simply: "I am transgender.  Hi." The intended subtext there is that it is just a simple fact, you either like it or you don't, let's move on.

Oh, geeze yes.  And stay away from "CL".  As for your question, it depends on how honest you want to be versus how honest you need to be.  If the thought of withholding that information bothers you, which I sense it does, then be open and honest from the start.  If withholding that information doesn't bother you at all, but you're also not leading into a committed and serious relationship, then refrain from disclosing anything until you feel comfortable.

I actually have met some great guys from "CL"!  My current boyfriend being one of them.

[Devlyn]

My okcupid starts with "I'm transgender, if that hasn't stopped you in your tracks, feel free to write"

I also agree there's nothing to fear on Craigslist. The personal ads are categorized from pen pals to casual sex. You seek your own level of involvement.