I don't know about your situation or your partner... but presented with crossdressing for kink, my wife was open-minded before the fact, and all existential crisis after the fact. When that developed into a non-kinky desire to present as female, she hated the idea. Later still, as it went from CD for fun to extreme dysphoria for weeks at a time... she does her absolute best to be supportive. And even so... "absolute best" involves occasional meltdowns.
At every stage, I've talked about things with her, and she's been discouraging. I never make promises, and eventually I've had to act on the things that she's discouraged. There's fallout, but there would have been fallout either way. In short, it's often better to ask forgiveness than permission, and repression only amplifies the pain. But that all depends on how aware / compassionate / open-minded your wife is on gender issues. And that can be impossible to discover without serious risk -- I think more women are okay with it than they'd let you know, because of how prevalent transphobia is in male culture.
Things I use to cope with dysphoria on bad days: panties or tights under my jeans, lipstick that's the same color as my lips.
Do people ever see you with your socks off? If you've got a foot fetish, you could probably get away with painting your toenails! Do your wife's too, and she might call it even.
