How do I go stealth in HS if I switch schools?

[maiLMan]

He does have a point about the constant fear of being stealth, but I'd take that risk. Idk, I just don't like being open about it.

[aross1015]

He does have a point about the constant fear of being stealth, but I'd take that risk. Idk, I just don't like being open about it.

FWIW I live stealth and there is no constant fear for me, nor for many of my friends who are also stealth.  There have been situations where I have felt afraid, but it was mostly irrational fear about stupid stuff.  It helps if you have a good friend or two who you are not stealth to, but in the end you won't end up talking to them about trans issues more than you would if they didn't know you were trans because a lot of stuff they won't be able to relate to, won't have advice about, etc.  I get most of my advice, venting, and other trans related support needs online from other trans people, because they are really going to be able to relate in ways that cis people won't be able to. 

[Brandon]

Please quit using your personal feelings towards being out and the way you are treated by your peers as a reason for why other's should be out.  And please quit trying to use the tragic death of a trans person as a reason to shame the OP for wanting to be stealth while in school.

His feelings about wanting to be stealth are just as valid as any feelings you may have about your outness.

I am not I am trying to help him out something your not.

[maiLMan]

I already decided that, if I can, I would go stealth.

[Brandon]

FWIW I live stealth and there is no constant fear for me, nor for many of my friends who are also stealth.  There have been situations where I have felt afraid, but it was mostly irrational fear about stupid stuff.  It helps if you have a good friend or two who you are not stealth to, but in the end you won't end up talking to them about trans issues more than you would if they didn't know you were trans because a lot of stuff they won't be able to relate to, won't have advice about, etc.  I get most of my advice, venting, and other trans related support needs online from other trans people, because they are really going to be able to relate in ways that cis people won't be able to.

Yea but are you in highschool? I never vent about my trans issues because I'm treated like a normal guy I didn't say tell everyone in th school no I am just saying I'd atleast want my friends to know and such like they already do.

[aleon515]

I think it would be a bigger concern for a "MTF" person.

Bathrooms tend to be a bigger issue with MTFs, but in a school all bets are off. I doubt you'd face violence, but the staff is going to know he is trans and not allow it. Many of the kids were required to use the nurse's office or perhaps if lucky single stall staff bathrooms. I believe, however, most exceptions were from students who were FTM.

Being completely nonjudgemental on "stealth" or not. I doubt it is possible to go stealth in high school unless you are one of very few people who has changed their birth certificate and all relevant documents. Normally schools go strictly by this stuff. THe only way out of it, is to go to the school and see if they will make modifications in the rolls.

You need to deal with the realities of doing this, which I think don't exist.

--Jay

[maiLMan]

Bathrooms tend to be a bigger issue with MTFs, but in a school all bets are off. I doubt you'd face violence, but the staff is going to know he is trans and not allow it. Many of the kids were required to use the nurse's office or perhaps if lucky single stall staff bathrooms. I believe, however, most exceptions were from students who were FTM.

Being completely nonjudgemental on "stealth" or not. I doubt it is possible to go stealth in high school unless you are one of very few people who has changed their birth certificate and all relevant documents. Normally schools go strictly by this stuff. THe only way out of it, is to go to the school and see if they will make modifications in the rolls.

You need to deal with the realities of doing this, which I think don't exist.

--Jay

Well, I will see if they'd change all my documents (provided I had my birthname and legal gender changed by then), and if they do then why can't I go stealth? Couldn't it be possible for the administration to know, but not the students? Could be risky, but it's better than nothing.

[maiLMan]

Also, does anyone have any links to surveys or articles showing that trans teens don't regret transitioning?

[Asher123]

I am out and people see m as a real male again you care wayyyy to much about what others think, no one said walk around with a big poster on your for head all I am saying is its probaly not the best idea pre t hell I get called handsome and everything along the lines of you don't look like you were ever born different your like any other guy and I am out to most, I'd rather be out than have this constant fear of what if they figure me out. You remember Brandon Tenna don't you?

Bringing Brandon Teena into this situation isn't acceptable at all. He was a stealth man who lived in rural Nebraska in the early 90s. That's like saying no one should drive because we might get killed while doing it. If he doesn't want to be out, he doesn't want to be out.

[makipu]

 Isn't it safer to be stealth anyways? 

[Asher123]

Isn't it safer to be stealth anyways?

I think so. If someone is going to go crazy on you after you're outed, they probably would've done the same thing if they knew you were trans from the start.

[aleon515]

Well if you can get EVERYTHING changed by then, bless you. Then I feel it would work.

BTW, if you want to go stealth, that's fine. And your decision. But I want to push back on the idea that it is EXTREMELY dangerous to be out. In fact, most trouble starts not because someone is "out" but because they thought they were "a real ____" and then it is discovered. The idea is that they feel lied to, though I think it's a raw excuse for transphobia.
I am completely "out". I agree it has it's own issues. But I have had no trouble.

--Jay

Well, I will see if they'd change all my documents (provided I had my birthname and legal gender changed by then), and if they do then why can't I go stealth? Couldn't it be possible for the administration to know, but not the students? Could be risky, but it's better than nothing.

[maiLMan]

Well if you can get EVERYTHING changed by then, bless you. Then I feel it would work.

BTW, if you want to go stealth, that's fine. And your decision. But I want to push back on the idea that it is EXTREMELY dangerous to be out. In fact, most trouble starts not because someone is "out" but because they thought they were "a real ____" and then it is discovered. The idea is that they feel lied to, though I think it's a raw excuse for transphobia.
I am completely "out". I agree it has it's own issues. But I have had no trouble.

--Jay

I'm not exactly sure if I could get everything changed in the next few months (especially cause of my dad), but if I can I'd definitely take the opportunity to be stealth. The thing is, I don't like being trans. All I want to do is live as some regular run-of-the-mill guy, and live my life in peace.

[aleon515]

It's your choice. I just read all this stuff re: how dangerous being out is. I think that's (in many cases) not true at all. I feel that someone has to say so.

--Jay

I'm not exactly sure if I could get everything changed in the next few months (especially cause of my dad), but if I can I'd definitely take the opportunity to be stealth. The thing is, I don't like being trans. All I want to do is live as some regular run-of-the-mill guy, and live my life in peace.