Bad shopping experience.

[Vicky Mitchell]

Please don't let this discourage you.   

So I went to Walmart to look at bras.   Now I am not one that gets embarrass easy. It seems to go back to I don't care what other thinks of me. Well strangers that is.  I do care about friends and family but then I am also very open and have no issues laughing at myself.  The way I look at things if people laugh or talk about me behind my back and I don't know about it then what harm does it do to me. So now I am sort of clues less about what size of bra I need. First I don't know my band size and then the cup. Well I have pecs or man boobs sort of so I think I can do a A cup but my band size I have measured a few time s and come up with 38 inches to 42. And I know even when you do know you size. Different makes of bras fit differently so I figured I will grab a few and just try on to see what feels right.  First I know there will not be any A cup 38 inch bands maybe B cup. And I am right most of them are C and up but I do find a few B cups to try on. Now it is late at night so store mostly empty. But I still have the employee at the dressing room that sorts of checks stuff and sorts clothes most of the time. I am also there for new pants for male mode of me for work as I am losing weight and my current ones are too big now. So I grab the pants and bras putting them between the pants and thinking she will just ask how many since she is a older lady and I walk up she ask how many and I tell her how many items and then she like ok let's count them.  I am like omg to myself I get the one employee hat is doing her job but ok I am cool with that. So we count them and she looks at me and the bras and she is like "those are bras" I try not to say in a dumb founded voice and hold back the well duh comment and I say "yes ma'am". And then says "you are going to try them on".   It is about then that it took all I had from ripping her a new one for the 20 questions routine.  So I just said "yes ma'am"  and she waves me to the room and I hear her say "really".   So I go about trying on my different items to see how they fit. Mean while I hear another employee come up I guess to swap places and I hear the old lady say only one in there and he has 8 items so make sure you count each one to make sure they are all there. So now I am wondering if she is really good at her job and want to help with shop lifting or does she want her employee to see the bras too.  Mean while I go about find what fits and what does notams then I walk out. And have two stacks what I want to keep and what did not fit I look at the woman who barely raises her head and points me to the basket and says what you don't what put there.   So now that I have a ideal of sizes I am. I go about looking though the bras that happen to be other side of the dressing rooms I hear the old lady talking. And then I hear her talking about me/us.  Did not get it all but heard her talking about me going into the dressing room with bras to try on. She goes onto say he was a nice looking man and very polite.   And it was about then that she walked off and as I look down the aisle she walks by talk about a deer in headlight look. I think that was about the second she realized I was the same person.  Now granted I am the one standing there with bras in his hand and yet I feel that she was more uncomfortable then I was and then she quickly walked off.

Now this has left a impression on me but has not discouraged me from going out shopping again.  Part of me says it was no big deal, part of me say that will be what it is like to be clocked.  I hate that term and I personally hope to be able to pass and go stealth.  But like I said don't really worry about what others think if I did I never leave the house for you cannot keep the world happy all the time or go out without offending some one somehow.  But this made me think did I do the right think I don't think I am bullet poof to emotions heck jut today I was crying in my therapist office. But I do consider my emotions or at least some of my actions to be calm and controlled for the most part.

So now that left me thinking I consider going up to her and saying something but not sure what exactly I would say. I consider going to management in the store but then I have to out myself again.  So I did not say anything but now here it is a few days later and I feel I did wrong that I should have said something not for me but for the transgender community as a whole.  I feel bad that I had a chance to right a wrong and I did not and for that I am sorry to all. For I don't think it is right of one old lady reaction to scar someone especially if it is hard for them to just step into the woman dept.  So please do not let this stop you from going  out and finding yourself.  And just know that we all have the right to be happy and on one can take that away from you unless you let them.  Look even after that I still walked out with a bra. 

Best of luck.

Vicky

[stephaniec]

well, now you know what fits, just shop online. shopping online a lot easier any way.

[Jill F]

I had a bad experience at a grocery store that I have frequented for 15 years last year where the newer checkout clerk called me "sir" repeatedly and even said, "You're a MAN!" out loud.  One call to upper management and I never saw him working there again.  Yes, I outed myself, but it was worth it.

[April_TO]

I completely emphatize with you Vickie. It does take courage to stand for yourself and be who you are.
I suggest that you give them an honest feedback about your experience. I say the old lady reacted due to her ignorance. However, that is not an excuse.

I also suggest online shopping for now or go with a woman to shop with as it makes it easier. Buy it and try it at home - if it doesnt fit, return it.

Love,

April

[Jill F]

I also suggest online shopping for now or go with a woman to shop with as it makes it easier. Buy it and try it at home - if it doesnt fit, return it.

^THIS^  It saves a lot of time.  Once you find the brand and size that works best, it makes things a lot simpler.

[ImagineKate]

Don't hide behind a computer. I only shop online when I can get a better price but I shop in person a lot! I even try stuff on. I use the women's fitting rooms now. I DONT CARE ANYMORE. It helps that I don't go shopping in male mode anymore too. But store employees ask? I say I am transgender. End of story. Beyond that is none of their business.

Assert yourself and don't hide. If you pass, good. If you don't, don't make it an issue.

In the end you're spending your money and you can take it elsewhere.

[suzifrommd]

And it was about then that she walked off and as I look down the aisle she walks by talk about a deer in headlight look. I think that was about the second she realized I was the same person. 

Hah! Maybe she'll learn her lesson about gossiping about the customers.