How can you be certain?

[Mara]

So this is going to sound bad, but I'm on day 3 of HRT and am not really sure whether or not I should be doing this. Part of the issue is that I'm just absolutely terrified of what is going to happen and how people will treat me since there is no guarantee that I'll ever be passable. However, the main issue is I am wondering whether or not my dysphoria is severe enough for me to be doing this. I definitely don't fit the standard narrative. Did any of you have doubts about whether or not you should be doing HRT when you began? How severe does your dysphoria have to be for you to be certain that you're trans?

[Cindy]

Honey, many of us don't have dysphoria. We just want to be our affirmed gender.

I think a long talk to your therapist is in order?

[Mara]

Honey, many of us don't have dysphoria. We just want to be our affirmed gender.

I think a long talk to your therapist is in order?

Isn't wanting to be your affirmed gender the same thing as having gender dysphoria? To my mind, its the same thing regardless of how you frame it. But lets say there is a difference, how do you know you want to be your affirmed gender enough to undergo HRT? How did you personally know it was the right decision for you to transition?

Of course I'm going to talk to my therapist, but I posted this because I wanted to hear the opinions of real trans people.

[darkblade]

Since I read Stone Butch Blues I've been wondering about the same thing...to me it seems like the line between, let's say, being cis with a bit of gender issues, and being trans is kinda blurry.

[Cindy]

Honey, many of us don't have dysphoria. We just want to be our affirmed gender.

I think a long talk to your therapist is in order?

Isn't wanting to be your affirmed gender the same thing as having gender dysphoria? To my mind, its the same thing regardless of how you frame it. But lets say there is a difference, how do you know you want to be your affirmed gender enough to undergo HRT? How did you personally know it was the right decision for you to transition?

Of course I'm going to talk to my therapist, but I posted this because I wanted to hear the opinions of real trans people.

Mmm OK. I did have dysphoric feelings to my male appearance, but more to my need to be my affirmed gender. I am a woman and I needed to be one in everyday real life. I thought that I needed GRS, but recently when booked in and the appointment for surgery confirmed, I realised I didn't. I'm me a very happy content woman. HRT has taken me there.

My feelings about myself, and I do not think I'm alone here, changed drastically as T disappeared and my brain was finally soaked in E.

Was it the right decision?

For me an emphatic yes. Did I have fears? Some, but they disappeared as E worked on me.

Where am I now from before? I have the same job, I'm a FT woman, I have respect as a woman from both males and females. Yes I faced the whole 10 yards each day.

But where am I now?

I'm happy. I enjoy my life.

Before, I was a miserable beast who struggled to exist.

Is it right for you (which is the key question), I don't know.

But I was miserable trying to be a man. I'm euphoric being a woman.

[kelly_aus]

So this is going to sound bad, but I'm on day 3 of HRT and am not really sure whether or not I should be doing this. Part of the issue is that I'm just absolutely terrified of what is going to happen and how people will treat me since there is no guarantee that I'll ever be passable. However, the main issue is I am wondering whether or not my dysphoria is severe enough for me to be doing this. I definitely don't fit the standard narrative. Did any of you have doubts about whether or not you should be doing HRT when you began? How severe does your dysphoria have to be for you to be certain that you're trans?

I'm a long way from the 'standard narrative'^* and I had almost no physical dysphoria. I did have a fair bit of social dysphoria though.. I could probably have survived without transition, but I'd never have been happy and would never have been a whole person. Yeah, I had doubts.. But I also had doubts I could stay as I was - so I took a leap of faith. And I'm so glad I did.


*: The 'standard narrative' is essentially a load of crap, it doesn't really exist.

[suzifrommd]

I went through a lot of soul searching before HRT (For example this post). I definitely don't fit the standard narrative and I did not have body dysphoria. What finally put me over the top (and I'm not proud of this) is that a voice inside my head said "WAKE UP SUZI!!! YOU'VE WANTED BREASTS ALL YOUR LIFE. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE THEM!!!"

I've never regretted taking HRT.

Hope this helps.

[Eveline]

Mara, you mentioned the fear of not being passable. I had the same concern, so one of the first things I did was get Virtual FFS.

It helped so much to see a possible "new me", and actually helped me over the acceptance hump.

I taped the best image on my bathroom mirror as an encouragement.

[cindy16]

I am pre-everything, and probably going to be so for a few years. I am getting more and more certain about myself every day, but what keeps me back is the social consequences.
I do not have much of body dysphoria, do not fit the 'standard narrative' and did not even realize my gender identity issues until very recently. Maybe that is also making me wait to see how much more certain I get, and whether I can live with or overcome the social consequences as well.

[Dierdre Lenore]

I just had my first therapy intake appointment and just in that amount of time she already coined me beyond crossdresser into the transgender spectrum. That had me rattled for a minute but after sleeping on it... My anxiety is already down at least 60 %. So, where's my gut? I don't know a lot of talking and soul searching is the real answer. Just breathe and think hard, the answer will come from inside.

[Future_Tense_Spence]

I've had my hormone letter for almost three months -- I haven't scheduled an endo appointment yet, because I'm struggling with a lot of the same apprehension and uncertainty that you are.  Like you, my narrative is different; I feel like I should be "100% positive" that medical transition is my only recourse, and I'm just not sure if I'm ever going to get to 100%, you know what I mean?

I have no real advice -- I just wanted to tell you that you're definitely not alone. 

[jaybutterfly]

Isn't wanting to be your affirmed gender the same thing as having gender dysphoria? To my mind, its the same thing regardless of how you frame it. But lets say there is a difference, how do you know you want to be your affirmed gender enough to undergo HRT? How did you personally know it was the right decision for you to transition?

Of course I'm going to talk to my therapist, but I posted this because I wanted to hear the opinions of real trans people.

To my knowledge, dysphoria meaning 'unwell' does not mean the same as wanting to affirm something. To me, you dont have to have gender dysphoria necessarily to be transgender

[JoanneB]

There is a Standard Narrative?

Why didn't anyone tell me this before!  Is that part of the "Gay Agenda"? I get so confused with this stuff. 

But honestly...If I didn't have doubts I'd be REALLY worried. I'm 6ft tall, deep voiced, big everything, balding since I was 14, attracted to women, married twice, engaged 3 times, do plenty of "Guy" stuff.

I Do Not Want To Be Trans

I didn't want to be a big fat, mouth breathing four eyed stuttering idiot when I was growing up either. Better luck next life time. However, it may have taken a long time but I eventually learned that actually taking on the Trans-Beast is a far better approach then avoidance.

Yes, it is scary as hell. You have no idea what to expect. What will work. Where this path may lead. How much of your life will change for the better. How much of it will become a fireball. But remember, the only rule is to figure out what it takes For YOU to be happy.

For me HRT is a big part of it. After 5 years I still present primarily as male. I also need to do that for now, just as much as I learned I need HRT. I learned I Need my TG group, without it and especially a couple angels sent there for me, I would not be alive today. Therapy... yes it helps, I guess I need that too. I have a TON of baggage I still carry around.  I collected a lot of it over the course of some 58 years. It's probably going to take a while to sort through what to loose and what to keep. Even that job is getting easier now that I have some idea of who and what I am.

Over these past 5-6 years I had plenty of these "WTF Am I Doing???" meltdowns, lasting from hours to months. In a way, in hindsight, I guess I needed them too. I was yet again forced to face my fears head on. Fight back the ghosts of the past that haunt me. Figure out what is truly important to me, and my life.

How can you be certain?

Perhaps a better question to ask yourself is: "What Does Not Work?" I suspect that is a lot easier to figure out.

I am certain of one thing. I Know what does not work. I spent the better part of 50 years trying things the "Normal" way, the way I was expected to live and think and feel and be.