Tranistioning at work

[Joanne Feliz]

I am a bit apprehensive about transitioning at work.  It would be great if people could post their experiences of what they did and the reactions of their colleagues.

When I start HRT I will be working in a male dominated, engineering company that has few women and probably zero trans people working there.  Honestly the thought terrorises me.  I mean stupid issues like what toilet to use while on HRT.  I am making the assumption that you can only use the female toilet after you have had the SRS surgery.  That would be awkward if i have the FFS beforehand etc...Issues with female colleagues not wanting to use the same bathroom etc...

It would be very helpful to hear your experience.

[Eveline]

Joanne, I'm in high-tech and a mostly male environment, too. However, I work remotely so I haven't had to deal with some issues (like bathrooms) at all.

That said, here are some good things that happened:

1. While still working in the office, I gradually shifted to long hair with coloring, two pierced ears, buffed nails, and even got some cosmetic work done. No one said a darn thing.

2. i then had to move to another state due to family issues, and began working remotely. A year later, I transitioned with the full support of my manager and HR. They have just been amazing, and my co-workers have been either openly supportive or neutral.

I know this is an unusual situation but hopefully you can see some parallels with your situation and how it might work out well for you, too...

[ImagineKate]

I'm not out at work yet but work has been pretty supportive so far.

HR says no problem, just give them a cut over date when I'm ready.

My manager says the same thing.

CTO says he supports me in any way he can and whatever I need ask.

Coworkers have been mostly supportive. I've had one or two creepy coworkers staring at me though.

[Zoetrope]

I feel fortunate, being allowed to go totally full-time by work (private hospital, finance).

I also went full-time at the same time as starting HRT.

First few months were not easy - and that mostly had to do with my own awkwardness and re-adjustment.

What made it all work though, was attitude. Once I accepted that this was going to take some time, I settled down. In turn, my colleagues also relaxed.

Nowadays people have even forgotten 'old me'.

So yeah, just be kind to yourself above all else. Things will work out!

[April_TO]

I presented myself in almost full femme mode even prior to my actual cut off date. I was already wearing makeup, purse, and a knee high boots during this winter season and everyone adjusted quite well as I also work in a corporate environment.

I also think having a solid policy against trans discrimination in where I live helped me do all this.

[Handy]

I went full time at work about a month ago; I interned at the company over the summer, and they offered me a full-time job for when I graduate, all the while allowing me to continue my internship into the semester.

My company has an LGBT networking forum; when I first came on I joined the forum and did some volunteer events with them to make friends. A few months of working later I contacted the head of the forum and explained to him my situation. The head of the forum was overwhelmingly sympathetic, and he spoke on my behalf with HR until I was ready to identify myself.

After he spoke with them for a while, they expressed an interest in meeting with me, and I subsequently reached out to them. They were incredibly understanding, assured me I'd have NO problems, told me if ANYONE gave me any trouble to report them immediately, told me I WOULD be using the women's restrooms, told me they'd change my name on everything to whatever I wanted, etc.

In short, they were incredible.

I've had absolutely no problems at work since going full time. As some others have expressed, tech is generally a very understanding industry 😉 I'm a mobile developer and it's a pretty open-minded/libertarian/liberal bunch.

[rosinstraya]

I'm about 6 weeks off the transition at work and going full time. Fortunately there are clear anti-discrimination laws where I Live, the workplace is 3/4 female and a lot of people including HR and the head honcho are on board.

I've also been changing my look bit by bit over the last 8 months or so, to very few comments - and those I have had have been nice!

As Sarah says I'm not expecting 180 degree change overnight. Mostly I think if I keep up a good level of work and continue to get on with people (I've been here over 10 years) I should be alright. Being in Sydney is a bit of a bonus too, as overall it's a pretty tolerant place.  🙂

[Sabrina]

What I'm doing is slowly adding things to my wardrobe and adding makeup to make myself seem more feminine. at the same time I'm letting the hormones do their thing. Going slow is the key. Going straight from macho man to super girly girl the next day will cause unnecessary and unwanted questions / looks.

[Julia-Madrid]

Joanne Feliz, your question is a bit open ended, but I will make this comment:  if you plan it meticulously, and have a small amount of luck by working in a reasonably open-minded company, there is every likelihood that it will be both easy and succesful.

That was my experience.  Here are my pointers, which are sufficiently generic that you can use them in any size company:

• Draw up a brief overview of who you are as a transgender person and what your goals and plans are
• Also create a proposed transition plan to deal with the key issues that HR are likely to want to discuss
• Just in case, it is prudent to partially prepare some alternate employment options
• See someone senior in HR, and get written (or email) agreement from HR that they will support you
• Speak to your local manager and some closest colleagues to get their buy-in
• If you think this is possible, you can gradually modify your appearance as you head to your coming out date
• Prepare a short but clear email, and send this to your colleagues the day before you switch
• Deep breath.  Arrive.  Business as usual, although you probably won't work much that first day

My experience:  I work in a global engineering company of 100,000+ people.  I am apparently the only trans woman.  Of the 150 email I sent the day before I arrived at work, I got a massive show of support.  The day I arrived I got mobbed by the girls, and even a few guys came to give me a welcome hug.  Toilets were a non-issue.

There has been only one downside:  people who haven't met before don't realise a thing, but newcomers quickly find out.  In a large company people gossip, and as a transgender person, you're a pretty juicy talking point.  Just be realistic that this will happen. It's not bad, but sometimes human nature is a little disappointing.

Hope this helps
Julia

[Cindy]

The only issue I had was when I met one of my IT guys in the corridor who I hadn't told. He looked a bit shocked. He asked if my change meant they had to put the seat down in the male loo? I said I'll never be using the male loo, he replied Thank God, I forget at home and get crap from my wife and daughter, I don't want to get the same at work.

Australia has very strong anti-discrimination laws however and most people are very accepting.

[Joanne Feliz]

Thanks for all the fantastic advice and sharing your own personal experiences with me. I will definitely take Sabrinas advice and slowly modify my appearance while on HRT. Thanks Julia-Madrid you give me some very constructive tips for preparing.  

I don't think I am strong enough to present myself the same day I start HRT.  I would like at least to ease into it.  You are very brave SarahBoo .

Hi Ros and Cindy,  I am in Australia to but in Adelaide.  It sees to be more backwards than Sydney.  Maybe I should move to Sydney instead 😉

I hope I can have the same level of acceptance that you have all had. 

[immortal gypsy]

I told my boss straight up, point blank last year when he asked me to work for him on a full time basis. I was more or less presenting female whenever he saw me on my days off, this was more of a this is happening do you still want me to work for you. I still don't think it has completley sunk in for him yet. Still he does order me the womens uniform and half of my paperwork from head office has me listed as female. We have one bathroom so no issues there

I'm in a Sydney,  Melbourne company

[Cindy]

I'm in Adelaide!

[Zoetrope]

I don't think I am strong enough to present myself the same day I start HRT.  I would like at least to ease into it.  You are very brave SarahBoo .

If that is what you need, that is what you must do!

Jumping straight into it for me was partly motivated by my desire to get fully approved and started on HRT. Of course, I was through with presenting as male anyway.

In Aus, endocrinologists have a tick-all-the-boxes approach to approval. They want the full-time RLE, they want the name change, they want everyone to know, and they want one above all else to have support.

Chip away at these things. As you do so you will feel more and more ready. When the time comes, you will be prepared, inside and out :~)

(PS, I have found the toilet/bathroom issue to be a total non-issue. I've been going to the ladies' since my first day on HRT - at work, in shopping malls, wherever. Transsexualism is well known enough now for people in Aus to just not care where one relieves themself).

[Joanne Feliz]

wow so in Australia i need to present myself at work before I can get onto HRT treatment? That is like torture for someone like me lacking in a bit of confidence 

[Joanne Feliz]

Hi Cindy,  thats great!  Is a real nice coincidence.  I posted a pic of mine here
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,177846.680.html
As you can see there is no way I can pass as a female yet.

[Zoetrope]

wow so in Australia i need to present myself at work before I can get onto HRT treatment? That is like torture for someone like me lacking in a bit of confidence 

I don't think its a requirement at all, endocs know we all have different work situations.

From an endocs point of view, being 'out' and 'full-time' at work is a huge plus for approval - but I doubt they would hold one back over this single detail.

[Cindy]

No need for RLE before HRT. I presume you have a referral to the gender unit in Adelaide?

[Joanne Feliz]

Yes I got a referral there, the endocrinologist that is investigating the gynocomastia will refer me to a dr Roberts or somebody.  He is the only endocrinologist that can get a patient onto HRT.  Before I get to see Dr Robert I have to get ruled out that I have a brain tumor(benign) first. As i posted before if I start on HRT i will be leaking milk all over the place with my prolactin levels.

My GP also gave me a referral to the Gender Disphoria Clinic but I lost the referral during the chaos of moving house.  I need to go back and get a new one printed off from my GP.

Also thanks for clarifying the point about RLE, my stress levels went through he roof there for a moment

  😮

[Zoetrope]

No need for RLE before HRT. I presume you have a referral to the gender unit in Adelaide?

My psychiatrist was definitely looking for RLE - although the focus was on outside-work-RLE.

Wouldn't surprise me though if this varies from therapist to therapist (I'm in Perth) ...