Advice on my worsening dysphoria and need to come out? :(

[DarkEye]

The past few days my dysphoria has been really bad... I kept having dreams about always seeing a girl in the mirror no matter what I did, nightmares about that "time," and just extremely dysphoric subjects I can't stop thinking about when I wake up...

When my family went to the mall I felt okay because I wore the most boyish clothes I had. But then when my dad asked a lady at a department store for something I wanted to get, he said "she" over and over... I literally felt my stomach lurch and I thought "There goes the rest of my confidence..."

I really, really, want to come out so I don't need to deal with pronoun problems. I just can't manage to obtain enough courage to tell my dad his "little girl" is actually his son. I was going to come out in January but it February now. :/ I'm at a real loss, I just don't know what to do, I just cannot fathom how I can tell anyone... My dad caught me crying back in May and I admitted it was because that "week/time." He kind of scoffed and told me I can't let human nature make me so sad, he didn't completely brush it off but I could tell he thought I was overreacting...

I felt okay today after my dysphoric dreams faded a little, but then my dad handed me a plastic bag and very jokingly said "It's not too heavy is it for your girl arms?" Now, he and my brother MAJOR feminists and to a FEMALE identified feminist it would be funny because it was obviously meant to be sarcastic. But when you're transgender and they don't even suspect it, it is really, REALLY offensive. This is the first time I cried in a long time. (;_;)

Sorry for being long.

[lionheart]

I know it sounds scary, but trust me, it's so worth it to just get it over with. You'll be so much happier to finally just have it off your chest, and it feels so good actually being called the right pronouns the first time. It most likely will take a while for your family or friends to get used to your new name and pronouns, but the sooner you tell them, the sooner they'll get better at using them. If it's easier, you might consider writing a letter or an email so you don't have to confront them directly and they have a little more time to react.

[FTMax]

If it's easier, you might consider writing a letter or an email so you don't have to confront them directly and they have a little more time to react.

This. You've obviously been dwelling on it for a while. But your thoughts and feelings down in writing, spend a little time polishing it up, and pass it on. Or practice saying what you've written so that you know the gist of it and can have a conversation about it.

It's tough, but it's smoother sailing after you do it once 

[Ayden]

I won't promise that everything will magically become better when you come out. Family members can and do take time to adjust. It can be just as difficult for them to wrap their minds around it as it was for some of us to come to terms. However, I can say that carrying something so central to your personal identity in secret is hard. It can be one of the most difficult things imaginable. It sounds like coming out is very important to you, and with that in mind I can relate. I haven't had a terrible experience but I've had my share of losses. HOWEVER! I felt a lot of relief when I finally told those people who mattered to me. Even those who I've lost contact with. I don't regret it at all.

I would say writing it all down can be very therapeutic. Write it out, read it, set it aside, read it again, change it, add to it, start from the top. For me it helped to sort out my feelings and frustrations. I actually never used my letters at all ( I told my family personally) but those letters helped me figure out how I wanted to tell each person.