Jealousy

[JynxRosalie]

I know this is probably an obvious question, but I'm still curious about it. After starting to come to terms with my transgender feelings, I noticed something started happening immediately. Every time I see a woman now, I feel incredibly jealous. Something inside me just gets set off, and I start getting really, really upset. Did anyone else experience this? Is it normal to suddenly feel such intense jealousy so suddenly?

[androgynouspainter26]

Well, since we're all transgender folks here, I probably should refrain from using the word "normal", but what you're feeling is very, very common.  I feel the same way, and I've been on hrt for two years now.  I can't tell you if it goes away, but I can say that you're not alone in feeling this way.

[ImagineKate]

I know this is probably an obvious question, but I'm still curious about it. After starting to come to terms with my transgender feelings, I noticed something started happening immediately. Every time I see a woman now, I feel incredibly jealous. Something inside me just gets set off, and I start getting really, really upset. Did anyone else experience this? Is it normal to suddenly feel such intense jealousy so suddenly?

Yes hon this is one of the symptoms of gender dysphoria, and yes it is normal for those with gender dysphoria to experience.

At one point I would break down and start to cry when I saw cis women going about their daily lives. It drove me to transition and now that I'm transitioning I don't get these feelings much anymore. When I look at myself slowly yet rapidly feminizing every day I become very excited and happy. I know one day soon I will be full time and leave my male self behind and finally live the way I was supposed to.

[ChiGirl]

I feel the same way.  I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.  And usually I'm not a jealous person.

[April_TO]

We cannot help but feel jealous of our cis sisters as we try to emulate their lives. However, regardless of what sex/gender you were assigned to at birth or whatever stage of transition you are in makes you no less of a woman than what you see around you.

We (women) come in all different shapes and size - You are a woman to us and that's all that matters.

Love,

April

[ForeverGiselle]

I felt that way too and to be completely honest, I still feel that way sometime.  I can't help but feel jealous of cis woman when I see them. It's not a bad type of jealousy where I secretly hate them, more like jealous in a way that I envy them and wish I was born as a Cis woman.

[katrinaw]

Me too, however I always have been very envious of CIS women looks... slowly getting there and still feel envious and may still be true after transition... after all, they have been there for life, I am like... starting my journey (although 10 years into it  (late starter))

L Katy

[Michelle G]

A little hint....CIS girls are very envious/jealous of other girls as well! We are perhaps just a little late to the game

  Envy hits me pretty hard when I see a girl with a youthful, extremely pretty face, I just do a huge "sigh" and frowny face and try and talk myself into being happy with what I've got.

The occasional compliment is like gold though! Like when my spouse says she would give anything to have my long legs and flatter tummy than her.

[JynxRosalie]

Yeah, this all makes sense to me. I have a girlfriend (online) who has seen how I look, and she tells me not to feel jealous and that no matter how I look she loves me. That makes me feel pretty good, however no matter how many times she says that, I still get a little upset when I see how certain women look or see cute outfits and such. I don't  want to be envious...I just am. I can't help it.

[katrinaw]

A little hint....CIS girls are very envious/jealous of other girls as well! We are perhaps just a little late to the game

  Envy hits me pretty hard when I see a girl with a youthful, extremely pretty face, I just do a huge "sigh" and frowny face and try and talk myself into being happy with what I've got.

The occasional compliment is like gold though! Like when my spouse says she would give anything to have my long legs and flatter tummy than her.

First point is so true Michelle
I find the youthfulness quite a bit tougher as I have wasted decades through fear and ignorance... However getting there now and may well try (if financially able to) ways to reduce the impact of age???

L Katy

[Ms Grace]

I posted this in another thread ages ago but it bears repeating...

I had this problem for many years, and if know many if us likewise often have intense feelings of jealousy towards cis people of our identified gender...during my first transition attempt I spent a whole bus trip home crying because I "wasn't as pretty as the beautiful women on the bus". Ugh. Anyway, I have worked through my envy and jealousy issues over the last twenty or so years. I have to say I don't envy anyone for their lives anymore, not for a few years anyway. I read this article a few weeks back and it gave me an angle on jealousy that I think I've been utilising but without realising it.

-------------

4 Difficult Ways to Simplify Your Life (That Are Worth It) (by Daniel O'Brien/ on Cracked) - Point #3: You Have to Be Jealous of Everything

"If you choose to be jealous of someone, you have to be jealous of everything." It sounds simple, and maybe you had that thought before, but you're much smarter than me. I'd never considered it, but it's important. The times that I'd been jealous, I'd been jealous of an opportunity that another person got. Or I'd been jealous of someone else's relationship. Or I'd been jealous of someone else's height, or rent, or patience, or ability to grow substantial facial hair, or any other damn thing. But you can't do that. You can't pick one thing to be jealous of. If you're going to be jealous of someone's nice car, you have to be jealous of everything else in that person's life. Are they living in a terrible apartment in a bad part of town to be able to pay for that car? Then you have to be jealous of that, too. Are they insecure enough that they think they need a nice car in order to be liked? Then you have to be jealous of that, too. It's not a straight trade. You don't get to trade your shortcomings for someone else's best assets. It's a package deal. It's the full suite, or it's nothing.

-------------------

Many people may seem to be having "great lives" because they are cis, but a lot of that is the very tip of a not so great iceberg. For trans women, the pretty cis woman you are jealous of might have incredible insecurities about her appearance, eating disorders, period cramps, a family history of breast cancer, candida/thrush, had a miscarriage and/or a violent unappreciative boyfriend, etc - can you be jealous of any or all of that too?

[katrinaw]

I just felt that I need to be clear in why I sometimes respond the way I do... And I sort of agree and understand the comments others have made on the subjects of passing, FFS and other perfecting threads; I think that there is a fine line between Jealousy and Envy... Jealousy tends to be all consuming, where envy is more of "I wish" which is where I am, because of my age and because of wasted years...

The comment on "always was"... Was based on the fact that I so wanted to be female through all those dark years (from 4 or 5). I am now 61 and have hidden, through fear, understanding and available options until around 15 years or so ago...
So when I understood I planned on how to embark on my journey, so now rather than being envious of something I could not be, I am envious of the time lost and the fact I should of been born female... Therefore I want to be as womanly as possible.


We all deal with our Dysphoria in different ways, mine is this way... It's not distructive just "I wish" it is not consuming me in any way shape or form. But as a female we all want to look better and feel good about ourselves, regardless of born gender.

As I have stated before I am a bit of a perfectionist and am a bit of a compulsive obsessive person...
But I do beleive some would burn up so much energy in jealousy or envy, more the former, the point made certainly is valid!

L Katy 

[Sabrina]

I can be very jealous at times, wishing I had some of the features a real female has. But all I can do is work with what I have and learn from observing the real thing.

[mmmmm]

I used to be extremly jealous since very early childhood, basically since I can remember. At some point during transition, I just wasn't anymore. I would still feel a little jealous when I see a dropdead gorgeous girl, with a perfect body I can never have, because I didn't start with hormones before the age of 11 or 12 ... But I'm shure most cis women younger or older get a little jealous sometimes. I do get jealous in a strange way when I see a pregnant woman.. that's one thing I'll have to deal with probably for quite some time. I suspect it will get worse when I'll be in my 30s 

[Wynternight]

I have had the same feelings and they hit me hard, like nuclear bomb to the heart hard a few weeks ago. It almost undid me completely and I was on edge and tearful the rest of the night.

Had I been home and not going out with friends I shudder to think of what I might have done to myself.

[silentone]

My earliest memories were being envious of girls in my class.

[Hikari]

I am from time to time envious of another woman, however as my transition has progressed the feelings have lessened dramatically for me.

[Ms Grace]

Entertaining jealousy will just eat you up alive, as Katrina says it really uses a lot of mental and emotional energy. Best to move on... and as Hikari so rightly notes, as your transition progresses it lessens anyway.

[sonson]

yuuuup

just like you, it only started after i accepted that im trans

[April_TO]

I know I might get some flack for saying this but I'd rather channel my energy on how I can improve myself and be a better version of myself every single day.
I still think having a good and kind heart makes a woman beautiful. It makes her glow and stand out.

No amount of make up can mask an ugly heart -Kevyn Aucoin.