Stare

[judithlynn]

Hi Carmen;
I think I commented about this before. About 2 years ago, just as I was restarting my transition again, I was in London in Oxford Street coming out of Selfridges and waiting for a bus, when this boy (I would say about 12) started shouting its a man and pointing at me. I have no idea what gave me away, but I was truly horrified, so what I did was turn on my heels and ran for a bus, but at the last minute changed direction and headed for the tube. Luckily I was lost in the crowds.
The next time it happened to me was last year when I was in Bournemouth in Marks & Spencer in the centre of town and a mother with two young girls passed me. I was looking for a size 44B cotton bra in Black. I think its the way I bent down or something, because both girls (about 10 I think) starting looking at me and giggling and one pointing at me. I just smiled back at them and called my girlfriend over and looked away. Smiling back is I think the best antidote.
Judith

[April_TO]

Hi Judith,

Thanks for your input. Definitely helps to know someone is also going through my struggles.

April

Hi Carmen;
I think I commented about this before. About 2 years ago, just as I was restarting my transition again, I was in London in Oxford Street coming out of Selfridges and waiting for a bus, when this boy (I would say about 12) started shouting its a man and pointing at me. I have no idea what gave me away, but I was truly horrified, so what I did was turn on my heels and ran for a bus, but at the last minute changed direction and headed for the tube. Luckily I was lost in the crowds.
The next time it happened to me was last year when I was in Bournemouth in Marks & Spencer in the centre of town and a mother with two young girls passed me. I was looking for a size 44B cotton bra in Black. I think its the way I bent down or something, because both girls (about 10 I think) starting looking at me and giggling and one pointing at me. I just smiled back at them and called my girlfriend over and looked away. Smiling back is I think the best antidote.
Judith

[jeni]

Judith- thanks for sharing. Your stories remind me of a couple weeks back when I took my kids to gymnastics. Outside the house I'm not out at all really, though I have a women's fleece jacket that I wear when it's warm enough, but that day I had my fingernails painted purple. Nobody said anything except that a few separate incidents of kids noticing and getting confused while I was sitting in the stands. They had various reactions, some stared, some giggled, etc. It was a little awkward at first, but then I realized I didn't really care and just smiled back. Nobody said anything, and none of the adults said anything if they even noticed.

[DrummerGirl]

When I first started transitioning, like most of us, I was really self-conscious about people staring at me.  I remember walking out of my apartment building and noticed 2 guys across the street immediately stop talking mid-sentence and start staring at me.  I was freaked out for a second, then one of them said "Daaayyymmm girl" with the associated look, and I was creeped out instead, but at least he saw me as a girl.  The next time I caught someone staring was a woman at Whole Foods.  When I walked closer to her, I noticed she wasn't staring at me as a person, but at my boots.  She apologized for staring, and asked me where I bought them.  Then there was the time I was out in full makeup and I hear "what do you think this is, Halloween?" and the first thing that goes through my mind is that he's making fun of me.  So I turn to look at him, and it turns out that was directed at a little kid wearing a towel as a superhero cape.  It was at that point I stopped worrying about being stared at, and just started living my life.  People are going to think what they are going to think, and most of the time they are staring at something other than me being transgender. 

[Bird Goddess]

Staring does not necessarily have to mean anything. I stare a lot, but that is just because I am dreamy and not always paying attention to my surroundings (which leads to friends waving their arms in front of me to wake me up out of my trance state haha). People also tend to check out other people when they walk by or sit somewhere; that is natural behaviour.

Just stare back or give them a creepy look .

EDIT: I used to think that everyone was looking at me when I would walk through a busy street (just an example), but in reality nobody actually pays attention to me. People usually mind their own business and if they look at you they usually do not even think about you.

[barbie]

Men tend to watch women more than women do.

Yes. One of the first things I noticed after starting my gender expression was stares from both men and women. Men tend to watch in the behind while women start at my front. I do not like stares from men at their 50s. Occasionally some men and women even try to speak to me, especially when I run outdoors for exercise. And, drunken men are a headache, and I just try to avoid them.

I am not quite sure how many people are watching me, but my friend who took this photo for me said that he did not realize that so many people in the street watch me in the behind. This is the same when I travel in foreign countries. Because of this, my priority is the security during any trip abroad. For the first and second day, I usually scrutinize the security status of the city, and usually avoid high heels, except when I am with my friends and colleagues.





If you can not avoid it, just enjoy it.

barbie~~

[ChiGirl]

The way I see it,
People stare at you.
People stare at you because you are not seen as "normal"
You are not seen as "normal" because you are different from the people staring
You are different because you are brave
You are brave because you can be yourself
You can be yourself because you are special
You are special because you are unique

That was so perfectly wonderful that I may have to steal it.

[Monika1223]

Yelling at them in German usually works for me. But I'm also 6'1 so that might have to do something with it.