Back to the future.. my first post end of Aug 2014

[Dodie]

Well I just went back to my first post to see how I was doing back then or how I was feeling
Its very interesting.. thought I would share it.
From that to full time wow I did not know my future then.
Dodie

Hey Group,
This is not a place I thought I would find myself...but here I am.. It feels good somehow to share my story and know others have been through very similar things.  My story will not be untypical but reinforces that transgender is for life...

I knew when I was 4 something was different. I was girly and one hell of a cute little boy...if I may say so...
I asked my mother for lipstick when I was about 4 or so when I saw her putting on my sister she laughed and said boys dont do that.
My father would tell me to stand like a boy ... he did not beat me but he beat mentally into me that I should act a certain way.  BTW he came out of the closet gay when I was about 16.
There is so much more but I prayed every night for god to change me.. once you start to realize your gender does not match up it is very lonely and you have no where to go.
My brother caught me cross dressing and I acted like It was a joke.. My father caught me one time but pretended not to notice... my mother never knew until I told her at age 29 when I decided to transition..  then I did not transition because of wife and kids. My wife had me go to christian counseling for a cure.. it did not work.  I am 54 now and kids are grown...
I don't know what I am going to do.. I have feminine features like small hands face and feet..  I have big shoulders from weight lifting so I will not know if I can transition gracefully until I pull some weight and see whats left after all the years of abuse....Girls often comment they wish they had my eyes and nose and face.. imagine how that made me feel all these years. I have a higher pitched voice... never did get deep.. weird.. but I look and pass as a man great...
I freaked out when doing research on finger indexes.... my hands are exactly like my wife's hands... small  and I have a ratio of 1.01.. index finger 69mm with ring finger 70mm...  I don't know how much weight to put into that but research is  there to suggest that may have something to do with me.  I can't imagine it being total coincidence.
Other notes of interest.. I was diagnosed with GID at 29.  I am very compassionate and caring. I own a business been very successful and cry in movies and watching the voice when I get emotionally involved with things..  my wife thinks its funny... she does not know what is happening today... I am in process of deciding what if anything I will do.. Starting therapy next week.  If anything I hope sharing my story helps..
Take care,
Carrie

[katrinaw]

Great summary of your life Carrie, wasn't with Susan's back then.

Funny how most of us, especially in a similar age group have so similar stories; mine is, except for the higher pitched voice and not sure If I was a cute boy but was a cute baby I'm told  .
Anyway the praying every night and not knowing and scared to be different was so real back then (I'm 61 now)...

But it is wonderful how far you have come and the visible changes in such a short period... Inspirational!

L Katy 

[Rachel]

Dodie, you have come a long way in a short period of time. I agree you are an inspiration.

[Dodie]

Thanks Girls,
Never could have dreamed I would have moved this fast.... I was just happy to get on hormones and the rest is history....
I was warned it could happen... 
Dodie

[kellizgirl]

Dodie I am very happy to see how far you have come! I can relate to many different parts of your story and it makes me feels less alone, your are an inspiration at least to this girl. -Kelli

[Dodie]

Thanks Kelli my turn to give back.. I love Susan's site.. a place for us to express our emotions helps...
Dodie