My name is Raquel and I am a Transsexual Female. I started Hormone Replacement Therapy on 6/3/2014.
I spent most of my life as a depressed suicidal alcoholic. Everything used to be dark, with no feelings at all, other than emotional pain that would not go away. I was happy for the 5 years I was with my wife until she passed away in November 2011. Then I decided to try to drink myself to death. Well, after losing my job, having a mental breakdown and attempting suicide, something happened. I was in one of those 48 hour suicide watch hospitals, and I remember thinking in my mind at that moment "I quit". "I quit" trying to be everything that everyone wants and expects me to be. God, do with me whatever you want, because I Give Up! After I left that place, I planned on quitting drinking; however, what I still find amazing is ever since I left that facility I haven't even had a craving for alcohol or cigarettes.
Throughout my life I've been diagnosed with an assortment of mental disorders, or you could say miss-diagnosed. However, I don't completely blame the doctors for that since I didn't realize back then that cross-dressing and wishing that I was female should have been brought up. I was way too embarrassed to even think about talking about that to anyone. It wasn't until May 19th 2014 when I read a blog post about Gender Dysphoria for the first time that I finally knew. This gave me the courage to admit it to my mom and she helped me find a therapist who diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria.
I'm on a different path now; some people call it "service to others". There's a feeling of calmness, almost a knowing that everything is going to be okay. I'm still not sure exactly where everything is headed, but at least now there is light in my life and a smile on my face.
I'm a very open person, willing to talk about anything. I just have a hard time initiating conversations, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you
