Actually, your family sounds pretty normal in that regard...given they don't know how "being trans" works, so instead of admitting, "Golly, I don't really know...I'm going to look it up and find out!" their imagination runs wild and free, reigned in by the oldest emotion there is, FEAR.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of the different. Fear about themselves...Guys cup their balls when they see someone slip and fall on a metal bar...girls grimace when they see a breast injured...so of course when they hear about a "man" having his "penis CUT OFF!" or a "woman" who has her vagina etc removed to make way for male genitals they are going to cringe.
I always smile when I'm among people like that...that's my chance to either educate them, or to let them embarrass themselves with their foolishness.
Quote...She wondered how a woman gets a penis out of a vagina...
...and wondered on how the genital system worked...
...She knew that to become a woman that you take hormones to grow boobs and such. She questioned how it'd work. "Do they just chop of the penis?" is what she mentioned...
I'd start by sitting there quietly, not trying to talk over them...just wait for a lull and say with confidence, "*I* know how it's done, and why."
If they ask how you know and you don't want to out yourself, just say you read about Chaz and was curious...and you read up on female-to-male and MtF transitions, how it works, is it effective, just like original equipment, etc.
"First off, the male and female body parts are very, very similar. Basically it's only a matter of relative size and approximate location. In the womb we are all female, until hormones kick in..."
As always, if they start all talking at once, wait for them to calm down and respond to specific questions (but NOT general ones). You mention the M and F parts are very similar, because most cis-people have never given it a thought. Men have a penis, women have vaginas; how can they be the same organ?
Well, they aren't. The male penis' equivalent is not the vagina, it's the clitoris. And have you ever noticed the "seam" running down the middle of the scrotum? That is in fact, a seam--if the fetus was to be a girl, the "scrotum" would have been the labia majora...and the seam would be the vaginal opening.
You use simple descriptions and short sentences in order to keep their attention and before you know it, their association of "penis = vagina" is replaced with an easily understood "Oh...so that's it!" kind of thinking."...And that's why men have nipples; we were all female in the early womb, and the nips never atrophied. In fact, men can get breast cancer too, and they can produce milk, because the mammary glands are still there, just not developed."
"Oh that's sick!!" No it's not. Milk from a man's breast is the same as a woman's breast. That's not sick, that's just how the body is made.
At this point, you should be able to tell them that "sex" is what's between the legs, and "gender" is what is in the mind. I have used, to good effect, the story about the intersex child from the early 60's that the doc and family decided would be a girl (the parts had a more girlie look to them apparently) and made her genitals look passably female...but as "she" grew up, she kept saying she was missing something, that she should be able to stand and pee, etc. Her operation happened within days of birth, and she was raised to be a girl...there's no way that she could remember having a penis, let alone standing to pee. Eventually she ("he" now) reversed what they had done to him, but then his peers in school etc rejected him. "He" eventually committed suicide, because of the complete lack of support and encouragement to BE himself.*
That's why it's important to trust when someone says "I'm (opposite gender) to my (assigned birth), we should TRUST that they are telling us the truth...because sometimes people are born that way. Which would hurt more...the undeserved embarrassment from others, or the suicide of one's child?
Ok so having said this...please remember it's not a script to commit to memory...put the ideas in your mind, and recall them according to the listener's stated needs.
- Assert that M and F parts are nearly identical. Penis = clit, scrotum = labia, both sexes have nipples + plumbing for breasts
- Assert that "sex" (what is between the legs) is not the same as "gender" (mind)
- Quickly recount the tragedy of the early 1960's intersex child
- Encourage trust and support of a transgendered person
Related links:
History of Intersex Surgery*David Reimer*The intersex child story I'd remembered obviously is lacking in accurate details, and I have provided a link to his biography on Wikipedia. Try to summarize it quickly in discussion, because most people have an attention span of about 30 seconds.
Hope this helps.
