Question on presenting

[April_TO]

Hi All,

I have been contemplating for a few days now if I should scale down or almost go back to being androgynous until I reach maybe my second year on HRT. Part of me thinks that it will ease my anxiety so I don't stress myself on what to wear, make up and all.

However, a part of me also thinks that I should just go through with  it as it only becomes easier day by day.

Has anyone of you getting a similar type of thinking? Does it actually get easier as what my therapist would say all the time.

Love,

April

[Lynne]

It does get better. HRT can help in some respects, but the anxiety may not go away by itself if you don't try to face it. I was very anxious when I first started to present as female but over time it got better and my confidence grew considerably without any HRT at all. I wouldn't wait for a specific date like 2 years on HRT.
I have to add though that I was only brave enough to present as female when I had a few reaffirming cases when people saw me as female when I didn't even try.
But there are still days when I don't feel up to presenting as female, that's why I'm not completely full time yet.

[stephaniec]

I'm basically just sliding into it, letting HRT pull me in the right direction

[JulieBlair]

April,
There are no rules, no fixed milestones,  your transition  is yours and unique.   How you express yourself is a decision  that is yours alone.  Now that the disclaimer  is out of the way - I found that attempting to scale back only led to self doubt, and was a disaster.   For me it has been necessary  to express femininity to be whole.

Yes it does get easier, and as your body and your mind align it becomes  more and more natural.  You have beauty and youth, do not fear  the consequences  of living authentically,  but embrace the woman you are.

Peace
Julie

[Ms Grace]

Yes, it does get easier but you also need to have the confidence regardless. That will happen only when you engage with it.

[Ara]

Do what you find is comfortable and safe.  You might at first feel you need to present one way in public, but you can present another way in other places like home, work, school, etc. 

[barbie]

Toning down can be always safe and desirable.

I always wear miniskirt, but my friends want me to wear longer skirt. I wear red lipstick, but my friends want me to wear pink. Also, some people say I would look better if I wear jeans rather than skirt. I tend to wear boldly. Most of women around me wear very conservatively, seldom wear skirt including my wife.

barbie~~

[JoanneB]

If you feel you are pushing yourself too hard to meet some arbitrary time schedule, then perhaps you should slow down a bit.

If you are placing unrealistic expectations upon yourself, then perhaps you need a little rethink about who the transition is really for.

If you are not feeling confident at times, perhaps because of how you think people are thinking of you, then perhaps you need a little review of where you stand in the world. From your avatar I's say you're doing great. If you need to convince yourself then spend some quality time in the checkout line at the supermarket looking around at real women doing real things.

[April_TO]

Thanks Joanne, I think you brought up a very good point. I think it all comes down to confidence. I say I am second guessing myself if I am trans and I am probably creating an exit strategy in case it doesn't work out then I am presenting myself someone in between (andro). This with my pending transition at work causes my anxiety within the last few days LOL.

If you feel you are pushing yourself too hard to meet some arbitrary time schedule, then perhaps you should slow down a bit.

If you are placing unrealistic expectations upon yourself, then perhaps you need a little rethink about who the transition is really for.

If you are not feeling confident at times, perhaps because of how you think people are thinking of you, then perhaps you need a little review of where you stand in the world. From your avatar I's say you're doing great. If you need to convince yourself then spend some quality time in the checkout line at the supermarket looking around at real women doing real things.

[April_TO]

Ms.Grace, is there any confidence supplements that I can purchase from the drugstore? LOL
Thank you xoxo

Yes, it does get easier but you also need to have the confidence regardless. That will happen only when you engage with it.

[androgynouspainter26]

I know of several wonderful confidence supplements!  Wine is my favorite, but vodka and gin both come highly recommended.

[Eveline]

April, just wear what makes you feel happy each day.

There are no rules, and there's no need to stick to a timetable. You can go as fast or as slow as you want, and you can change your mind anytime.

Actually that's one of the benefits.

[mmmmm]

... until I reach maybe my second year on HRT...

What changes exactly do you expect from that much more time on HRT? If you already made steps forward, just trust in yourself and go for it. Unless you feel you are really not ready yet, and very anxious about it, to the point that it's messing your day to day life... It's not going to be that much more different or easier a year later. I think it's the same for almost everybody in the beggining.

[April_TO]

You made a good point. I think it's the fear that's getting in the way for me.
Like everyone says, there's no timetable just do it in our own pace.

xoxo

April

What changes exactly do you expect from that much more time on HRT? If you already made steps forward, just trust in yourself and go for it. Unless you feel you are really not ready yet, and very anxious about it, to the point that it's messing your day to day life... It's not going to be that much more different or easier a year later. I think it's the same for almost everybody in the beggining.

[Tessa James]

It feels to me there is much more weight and energy placed on our appearance and that takes more time and energy for me too.  Sometimes I just need to take some time off and wear baggy old sweatshirts and jeans---like all the cisgender women i know.  This is that kind of weekend and there are some great pacific NW storms blowing in to make it feel more cozy at home.

[katrinaw]

April you always look so pretty, radiant and confident, upto your judgement... I don't think you should be concerned by looks...

Love Katy 

[noleen111]

carmenkate, just looking at your profile picture.. i think you do look female.

remember cis-women don't  doll themselves up everyday.. there are days they are very causal

[Riley Skye]

Definitely do what you feel is best for you. Almost a year into my transition I went back to presenting as male for awhile because I couldn't handle it all too well. I never bothered with stopping because I needed to let the hormones do their job. Sadly it takes awhile for them to really work well but when you give it time you will get amazing results

[April_TO]

Katrina, Noleen and Riley, thanks so much for the advices . Love you ladies [emoji173]️[emoji173]️[emoji173]️


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[Ellesmira the Duck]

I was nervous about going full time at first but the more I put myself out there and tried presenting female more the easier it was. I think what the biggest help for me was using a weeks vacation to present female the whole time and see if I could. That was a huge confidence booster.