I'm gonna need FFS, aren't I?

[April_TO]

I will second Joanne, I started noticing women on the subway, offices, mall and grocery stores etch and most if not all have some masculine aspects on their faces. Now for our sisters, one would argue that they have some hyper masculine features and would pursue FFS. I would honestly go back to my initial advice to wait it out and let estrogen do its work in softening your face. However, this is YMMV kind of situation. I remember Leila advising me weeks ago maybe start saving money now just in case. However, if in case you really don't need it then you have this stash of money that you can use to purchase dresses, shoes and make up or a downpayment for a house, car!!!!! 

Also, if I have to look for every single flaws in my face, there are tons - brow bossing (slight), big nose, big jaw, imperfect skin etch.

Now will I focus my energy on them, on some days yes some days I really don't care.

So far I am passing ok. I have never been misgendered  for awhile now. Unless I would deliberately want them to.

One step at a time babe, get a referral for an endo appointment or a GP that's willing to give you our beauty pills.

Hugs,

April

Next Friday evening or Saturday morning spend a few hours of "Quality Time" in the checkout line at the grocery store honestly looking at real women doing real world stuff. They come in all shapes and sizes with all manner of flaws. Even facial hair, andro faces, deep voices, tall, big, balding, you name it. You know... real people. Not Hollywood or fashion women with a 2 year half-life

If you ever saw me in male mode you would never believe it's the same person. 6 ft tall, big boned, very balding, super-sized super orbital ridges, you name it. Aside from muscles no mistaking me for anything but male. Total opposites! While living part in rural West Virginia working for the largest employer in the area with several thousand others, some 500 or so seeing me everyday, I had no fear of being recognized in biggest of 2 grocery stores.

We are our absolutely worse (or is it best?) critic. We obsess over every little tiny detail that isn't perfect, that may just 'Expose' the truth about us to the rest of the world. We have intimate knowledge of what is important making it real easy to push those buttons. This is true while presenting in either gender. We are imperfect in either, and want to pass.

If much to all your energy for happiness and peace within is directed towards the outside, what really counts, the inside, will suffer. When I started this journey almost 6 years my one goal was to bring those two and very important aspects of myself together in order to make one whole, healthy, and hopefully happy person. I'm getting there.

I totally envy those that have a "F the World" attitude about their looks. But for all of us the time comes when the joy of being out in the real world as the real you far exceeds the pain of not being a super-model, or even close to one.

Feel genuine, at peace within, happy finally being you inside your own skin is the end game.

[Ara]

Wait for HTR to change a lot of your face shape before making a judgement about needing FFS or not.  It will make your face rounder, skin softer and after that you will look very different. 
After those changes have happened you can maybe start to look into what you want to change. 

[Jenna Marie]

Your lips, chin, and nose definitely look feminine to me, and a lot of *apparent* eye shape and size can change on HRT. (again, not the bones, but don't underestimate what soft tissue changes can do.) Also, yes, pretty much all gendered traits exist on a spectrum; they tend to be more pronounced and more visible in men versus women or vice versa, but there are cis women with brow bossing and aggressively square jaws and heavy facial bone structure and so on. In the end it's about the overall balance of a face, and one or two "masculine" features will be drowned out if the remainder of the face is highly feminine.

I've even seen photos of cis actresses posted as examples of women who are a) obviously trans and b) need FFS. The general public is also not as observant or as demanding as people who are experts on these issues... so much less likely to seize on individual features and suspect someone is trans.  (Heck, I went out a couple weeks ago with a trans friend of mine who's early on HRT an also hadn't shaved in a few days [for electro]. Nobody batted an eye, and she was reflexively gendered female everywhere we went.)

[Petti]

Hey you all, your responses mean the world to me and I think you for your honesty and assessment. I thank you for giving me an understanding on not only my actual face, but on what passing actually means.

I took my pictures down from imgur because first and foremost I am super ultra self-conscious about my looks to the point where I don't even have pictures of me hanging anywhere in my house and forbid anyone from hanging them. And also because posting images of myself on the internet makes me nervous. Hopefully you all understand.

It will be interesting to see what hormones do to my appearance, and it'll be interesting to see what long hair and makeup does for me as well. So many thoughts and concerns and I have a great deal of optimism mixed with just as much pessimism.

You girls have really worked to make me feel better and to also gain some understanding at a period in my life where so much is a blur. I am ever grateful.