Hardest day in a long while

[Larisa]

I had nearly the hardest day of my life almost so far and the only thing getting me through this without me hurting myself is my blonde wig tonight. That of which I paid around a 150$ way early last year is saving me. I did the most stupidest thing in a long while all because I wasnt thinking when my moms personal hairstylist and friend worked on my hair. I listened to her and let her cut my hair way short. Arent I a worthless stupid idiot but now Im in a TON of pain all because I have trouble saying no to girls.

I can't look at my real hair, I cried here and Im hoping it grows back. Im NEVER doing something so stupid. The dysphoria just went crazy and I feel like garbage. This is my fault and nobody elses fault. The wig makes me feel better since I dont see the hair. Im not afraid of being made fun of as to others, they would never think Im a girl inside or anything. They just think Im a guy so in a strange way, that is working to my advantage but I am very very depressed. I messaged my boss tonight to tell everyone where I work to not mention my hair. I told my mom to make sure my sister and nobody talk of my hair.

Im totally not made at she who cut my hair, it's me Im mad at. Ive never before realized to this far how much of a girl I am inside and not a guy. It's put things in perspective for me. I really hope my hair grows out quick and than NEVER again will I be this stupid.

To be honest, I hope this tells god that when I go to heaven that Im a girl, not a guy. Ive asked before to ask it happens. Tomorrow will be just as hard.

[mrs izzy]

Some days the bear eats us.

Thing there is a bright spot hair grows back.

Hugs

[Larisa]

That's true. It just seems like it will take forever! Im an idiot.

[Cin]

I know how important hair is, I'm not really balding, but my hair is thin, it really makes my life miserable, and affects my confidence. Good hair is about the least I could ask for as an MTF, and I don't even have that. Last month, out of desperation, I shaved my hair, i thought it would make me feel better because I'd stop worrying about hair if I didn't have any, but I ended up feeling really horrible, didn't even go outside the house until it grew back, it's been over a month now, I feel better, I have crew cut length hair. gender dysphoria makes us do weird things sometimes, I once thought growing a really thick beard would make my dysphoria go away, but that was not the case.

[Larisa]

Ive never felt this depressed in a long while to where Im basically fighting to survive right now. I cried last night and fought to be okay, had trouble sleeping and I havent had that problem in awhile. Luckily I did get to sleep soon. I than woke up and I only feel like crying. I than have to work today and so ya this should be interesting. I hate myself. The wig doesnt even help this morning and looking in a mirror I can't do.

[brie2013]

Have you thought about seeing the Aftican braids in your local nearest area, they're very good with seen in wefts etc .
You're not an idiot, you're human and we do make mistakes unfortunately..


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[Rachel]

Last June I went to a gay stylist in the gayborhood and asked for 1/2 inch cut off and he cut 4 inches off. My hair is just now the same length as it was in June. When it happened I cried on the way home and off and on for a few day. Having hair is very important to me. When I feel it and lay down or turn my head there is a wonderful feeling.

I understand you pain, hugs.

[Larisa]

Today totally was not easy but Im not gonna do anything like wefts or such. Im just gonna let it grow out.

[Larisa]

Last June I went to a gay stylist in the gayborhood and asked for 1/2 inch cut off and he cut 4 inches off. My hair is just now the same length as it was in June. When it happened I cried on the way home and off and on for a few day. Having hair is very important to me. When I feel it and lay down or turn my head there is a wonderful feeling.

I understand you pain, hugs.

Ive got no choice but to grow it out and my hair can grow like 4 inches in 3 or so months. My hair grows fast so I have that advantage. Im back on my vitamins and other things to stop thinning and help it grow really well. Im also changing a few things in what I eat and do to help it grow fuller and long. My hair iron, I have to get some special stuff to help so it doesnt hurt the hair and other stuff to keep friz out and that kinda stuff. I will have long pretty hair again but I have had to start over sadly. I do think my hair was damaging a bit so maybe it was good to start over. I dont know. I just know once it's long, Im NEVER cutting it short again. I can't deal with this kinda depression again I went through. Yes I do like to feel hair on my ears and down, not the feeling of a pillow for example.

Im trying to be positive but it does bother me but if my hair was damaging some, maybe this is for the better to start over. I dont know. I know I intend to make it look gorgeous.

My dysphoria has been up bad and that doesnt help.

[Chelsey]

Omg! My x kept telling me i was losing my hair at 17 and it was really upsetting because i had planned on going on hrt since i knew it could be done like 12 or 13 maybe... anyhow she had me convinced it was falling out and i cried and cried and cursed and renounced god and decided that without my hair i could never go on hrt... so i became the most angriest death worshipping psycho i could be and almost ruined my chances of going on hrt because i became so good at being angry and scary that when i finally reached out for help people thought i was just insane! Nope just a scared woman who felt helpless and trapped and opted for death... but I made it and i came out despite everything working against me and i'm where i want to be and i'm excited and happier than i've ever been... although my hair has unfortunately thinned bad and it really bothers me i have to wear a hat all the time... so i know what its like to suffer because of hair and its terrible! But at least you can grow yours back still! I wish you the best!

[LordKAT]

Chelsea, it is quite possible that your hair loss isn't permanent either. Don't give up hope.

[Obfuskatie]

  Haberdashers are the friends of all people with bad haircuts.  Also biotin.  If there's a way that you can style your hair into a pixie or modified bob, it might help with your dysphoria.  My hair is precious to me, so I completely understand the wanting to crawl in a hole and die thing.
  I've never had long hair, but always wanted it, and probably won't be able to grow it to shoulder length for another year. But just because my hair is short at the moment, doesn't mean it can't look cute.
  IMO The best panacea for sadness is hanging out with friends.  You could have a silly hats only party, and commiserate about bad hair days/months past.  Remember not to be too hard on yourself.  Transitioning is all about figuring out how to be happy in your own skin.  It's learning to stop striving for perfection and instead just being your authentic self.
I hope you feel better soon,


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Mariah]

Don't worry itt will be back. I know that it's easier said than done. I'm waiting for the hair that has finally filled in what was my nearly bald spot to grow out and that seems like it's taking centuries, but again I know it will get their eventually. Hugs

That's true. It just seems like it will take forever! Im an idiot.