Hey man, I can definitely relate. I am 5 months on T right now, and I used to pass 90% of the time but in the past month, that's dropped to 0%. I wish I was exaggerating. I have not been called a guy once in the past month except by my friends who know are also trans and wouldn't slip up with that. My teachers are usually really good about using correct pronouns once I tell them but recently they've been slipping up and using 'she.' It's so painful because the implied meaning there is "you look so much like a girl that even as being introduced male, I only see female." It's been hitting me really hard lately. I've lost all confidence to use the male restrooms, my body image is getting worse, and on top of that nobody seems to be able to tell me why my passing went from nearly 100% to 0% so quickly. Some people have ideas but they're things that shouldn't drop my passing to 0%. It's like I have long hair again. And what makes this worse for me is that by 5 months on T, I should be passing MORE than before, not less! I've already been sensitive because my doctor is refusing to raise my dose and isn't giving me reasons anymore, so when on top of that I'm apparently not changing to be like a guy, it makes me feel like crap. I'm certainly not in the same situation as you, I am on hormones and will hopefully get surgery, but I can definitely relate about feeling like a girl. I've been having friend issues recently that have made me question what I'm doing wrong being friends, and those insecurities are starting to manifest in my hormone insecurities, wondering why I'm not 'man' enough, wondering how im so obviously a girl to other people, wondering what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes it's really hard to pull myself out of those slumps too, building self esteem up is so much harder than dropping it down. I've got days where I can ignore everyone and just rock whatever I want but then there are plenty of days where I feel like crap.
The things that help me the most to feel better are telling myself I'm wrong. I tell myself (whether I believe it or not) that I'm a handsome perfect man the way I am. That adds up, and the more days you do that, then one day it'll be true. "Fake it till you make it" they say, and it works. It's a struggle to get there and everyone has good days and bad days. Do something you really love when you feel down. Eat some ice cream or take a bath or watch your favourite movie. Whatever it is. Just do something that you love. Try to spend time with people who will affirm your identity, who see you as male, especially when you're in these slumps.
