concerns/hesitation about starting hrt (MTF)

[hallu]

hello! first post here

i'm someone who was identified male at birth, and starting methods of transition
i am having hair removal done, working on changing wardrobe, etc. i also plan on having FFS surgery done in the next few years

i am incredibly tall (over 6'6) and for physical safety, a fear of potential homelessness, as well as not feeling FULLY drawn to an explicitly presented female identity, i am not wanting to transition MtF but rather present androgynously

i have seen so many wonderful photos and transition timelines of people using HRT, and how it changes their physical appearance. my concern is one of sexuality. although i wish i wasn't born with a penis, i quite enjoy having sex and have little-to-none dysphoria in that aspect of my body. from the small bits i've read, people who are taking HRT talk about the lack of an ability to keep an erection, or if they do get one it usually hurts/is too uncomfortable for sex

i really like the facial and body changes HRT provides. is there any way to take low doses of HRT to get physical changes without the large change in sexual function? or should i just rely on the FFS making changes to my facial shape. i'm wanting to have a very androgynous identity, so i don't need to fully transform my body just nudge it over some 

[jody2015]

hi
i cant answer all your questions but as far as hrt and erections it is mainly the antiandrogens that cause them to diminish. it does vary between people but you will have a lot less and they can be short lived.it can depend on the stimulation and circumstances a the time. the libido drops a lot.you get a well cant be bothered feeling. without dropping the testosterone which gives you male features then the other parts of hrt will do very little as the testosterone is more potent. for now i am the same as you and working at being androynes as a step to possible transition.im 6"2 so its a case of finding the point i feel happy without jumping in feet first and ending up worse off than i am now. any hrt will have some sort of effect on the male function but it can be hard to tell how much.

[Cindy]

Welcome to Susan's!

Talk to your endo and they may be able to adjust your HRT levels to keep you functional, also your therapist can help with your reasoning about this as well, and give you advice on what to do. E alone will render you incapable of an erection, it kills T by itself and is often used alone to see how your T levels respond before AAs are given. Everyone is different and YMMV.

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[Muffinheart]

Depending on your age, and your genetics you inherited, the impact can be minimal.
Starting HRT in your 20s will have a better impact than if you start in your 40s or 50s.
My mom was no bigger than a B cup, which meant my six years of HRT really only got me to a B.
I suffered no weight gain from HRT, but some do.

I get met with a lot of resistance to this, but I never would have self medicated. I don't care what the Internet says, or what you think you need....only an endo and/or doctor can tell you.

I see my endo twice a year....she's amazing. She doesn't just monitor my estrogen (I'm off progesterone and spiro for good), but my levels of B12, D, A....my calcium intake etc.

Final point, IMO, hormones do not make you a woman. What if, for some reason, you have a bad liver? Does that mean because you can't start HRT that you can't transition? No way. I would have transitioned regardless of hormones.

[jody2015]

yes endo is best to talk to. i apologize if my view is different to others as the docs do give different advice depending on your circumstances.