Tutorials on mannerism of how behave like a lady?

[Evolving Beauty]

My female friends always tell me what's the use I've put a vagina when my behavior/mannerism is still male, especially when I get angry.

Is there any website or tutorials of how to behave like a proper lady? I wanna know where/how to start.

You can be super passable face/body-wise but if you don't have mannerism of a proper lady, then it's all useless unless you don't care.

[Muffinheart]

Sorry for how this comes out, you need new female friends.
None, and I mean none of my female friends have ever made the slightest hint that I need to act more feminine. I doubt many of my female friends even know what the word ->-bleeped-<- means.
I think my female friends realize I've gone through a lot of ->-bleeped-<-, and who are they to tell me.

Do your mannerisms not come naturally?

[Sabrina]

I'm interested in learning more on this subject. I try to act more lady like but keep slipping up.

[calicarly]

Hahaha !!!  This post had me giggling (with you of course)because of the words you used to type it.no subtlety and straight to the point! Lol Uhmmm I feel like the mannerisms you are seeking are innate for many of us, but it's possible that if you were trying very hard to be very masculine before you transitioned, you might have picked up bad habits! That, or maybe you only developed dysphoria not long before you transitioned, whatever the reason, its no secret, although I'm sure there's books out there, I can speak from my self and my behaviour, the angry thing, I rarely get angry, if someone pisses me off I don't talk to them for a few days, I'm quiet or i speak to them about my issue and try to solve it. We can get angry too, but many men take it to the next level when they are angry. I consider myself a lady,'(when appropriate) I still shout but when I do (which is rare) is like I don't know, I cry and stuff. It's not like men's frustrated anger. The way I see itt, is you can be a fun loud girl or a lady it all has its place and time though, I kind of have a hard time imagining how your mannerisms aren't there, I think that there has got to be a more humble and sensitive side to you than you had before transition, a lady doesn't overwhelm others, but allures them. Men by their nature are more overwhelming and attention seeking and forceful. I do feel that since transition my role has become to be more of a supporting role than the star of the show, once people are allured by me , then I can be the star of the show, but i allow others to give me that place, whereas a man would just take the spot light, this is in reference to social situations. Be more subtle too, men are like Bulls in a china shop, be the opposite! A rose among torns (lol) I wish I could elaborate. I hope someone can maybe give you a good book read, I'm sure you could google it?

[RachelH]

The only advise I can really give is to watch other women,  see how they react,  talk and interact with the world. 

I've not met too many trans women,  but of the ones I have 2 really stood out as they thought been a women was how a camp gay man behaves.  I was sat with my mum and we watched how this one woman just over did everything,  and it just completely outed her.   My advise,  tone it down,  watch other women and if in doubt keep it toned down.   You won't be outed or appear trans by been quiet,  but been over the top definitely will out you.

[Athena]

Act in a way that makes you comfortable, not every woman is "ladylike". If YOU want to change then observation is key.

[FrancisAnn]

Just relax & enjoy being a woman. Make sure your estrogen levels are good. That might be affecting you.

[Cindy Stephens]

Dear evolving beauty,

I understand what you are saying and think that you have been given a bit of bad advice.  MOST feminine characteristics of walking, speaking, etc are learned socializations, not something "natural."  I grew up in a wealthy, old money area (though my family wasn't) and girls I knew went to finishing schools, cotillion classes, and joined high end sororities.  They do so to fit in properly, please mom and dad, and develope confidence.  Now, I am not advocating this, merely reporting.  I do, however, think that some instructions and a lot of practice can help you with the confidence and presentation thing.

Look for anything by Danae Doyle.  She has a web site, has been around for a long time, and specializes in the type of TG instructions you are after.  No, I do not get paid.  But I do have DVD's from an earlier attempt at transition.  She was a coach for Cisgirls going into pageants like Miss Amereica.     She covers walking, sitting down, arm gestures, speaking, etc.  How to be a bit elegant.  I'm not saying you have to be going for that high end look, but sometimes you have to overshoot the mark in order to fall back to where you actually want to be.  It doesn't come natural, but you can find your comfort zone.  She doesn't cover the actual voice qualities as well as some I've seen.  You might try looking here at Susans for "voice" threads. 

Many girls spend lots of money on various surgeries only to have the passing veil shattered as soon as they speak or move.  Perhaps that doesn't bother some.  It seems to bother you and can be overcome relatively inexpensively but with a good deal of effort.   

[sonson]

umm.. if a girl grows up in a city, she'll develop different mannerisms than a girl that grew up in a rural town. you grew up in a boys body, so its only natural that you'd be a girl with some boyish mannerisms. whats wrong with that? we're all different, its called being a human lol

[katiej]

This seems to be a very touchy subject for a lot of people around here.  They always want to remind you that there is no single definition of femininity, that gender is a social construct, all you need is more confidence, "you be you", etc. etc.  And while there is an element of truth in each of those, I think that advice isn't always helpful...especially when someone is looking for specific advice on mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.

I think that we have a lifetime of behaviors to unlearn.  Early transitioners seem to have a much easier time with this, and they can sometimes be condescending about it. It's easy for them to say you shouldn't try to learn feminine mannerisms, because they pass without trying.  They've learned these behaviors and traits in the same formative years as their cis peers.  But it's different for those of us who started a bit later in life.  No I've never felt totally comfortable as a guy, but I've been doing it for 30 years.  I have a lot of bad habits to be unlearned.

I also don't agree with the idea that the point of transition is so that I can be me...whatever my natural impulses may be.  I don't want to hide anymore, but for me, transition is a chance to reinvent myself.  It's an opportunity to be the best version of myself, in a way that finally makes me comfortable. 


Denae Doyle is a good coach, and Lucille Sorella is another good one.  They have coaching packages available for sale that seem to be useful. 

I found a website a few days ago that I found helpful.  It bills itself as a guide to passing in early transition.  Most of it was not new information to me, but I did find a few very helpful tips.  So I recommend reading it.

I've spent a LOT of time researching and observing women and their behavior, psychology, fashion and makeup, etc.  Every so often I'll come across something that has some good advice, and I'll file it away.

[RosieD]

I am probably not the best placed person to answer your question, given that most of my learning was more unlearning NOT doing things but...

It's well worth the effort. There are a variety of ways from observation of other women either in real life or the media through to following the guides that people far cleverer than me recommended above. The common factor, I feel, is likely to be that there will be a really, really awkward stage where you feel you are acting a part rather than being yourself. Like with voice training, make up, clothes sense or any of the other myriad skills we acquire it's all about keeping on doing the thing regardless. You are more or less guaranteed to make mistakes that you find toe-curlingly embarrassing but it is really unlikely anyone else will notice.

Rosie

[katrinaw]

Maybe you should ask your female freinds if they can help you... Seems harsh that they are friends, make you feel awkward.... And not offer some support for you.... IMHO

Agree with others that there is plenty of options, there are various forms of female "training" e.g Coaches, not sure if that is available where you are, else soak up movies, Google training videos, observe others in shopping malls, trains, busses etc.... It ain't easy but it's lovely taking the subtleties on... Love the feeling of being feminine, but I still get nervous and feel like a duck out of water... Time, just time...

L Katy 

[CosmicJoke]

This is a pretty simple video. A lot of it is about your presence. The "womb space" is actually a very good area when it come to feminine mannerisms and your energy. If you focus on it, it just feels much softer. Give it a try!