Help, how do I tell people from my past about my transition?

[caliyr]

So a primary school classmate and my mum's ex-boyfriend's son added me on Facebook recently. I havent talked to either of them for over 6 years. I've been openly trans for like 5 years-ish....
They add me through my mum's profile where I'm displayed as her son, but I doubt they read the description.

How the hell do I tell them? I can't just be like
Hey how are you?
Good, you?
Oh you know, I've changed my life since we last talked and now I'm a man and stuff..

It would be so much easier if they shown a clear sign of misgendering me, like she-ing me or something obvious to THEM, so I could correct them, but that's not the case.... What do I do? Every time someone from my past adds me I get a little heart attack and dont know how to deal with this... Any advice, please?

[Eveline]

callyr, I don't know if this would work for you, but here's what I did on Facebook after "going public" with my transition:

* Created a new Facebook account under my new name

* Told family and close friends who knew about my transition that I had a Facebook account, and sent them friend requests

* Posted a message on my existing Facebook page like this:

Dear Friends,

I recently made a very personal decision which may surprise some of you.

I've officially changed my name and gender to [new name] (female).

As you may imagine, this decision was not taken lightly. Although I've known for many years that I wanted to make the transition, I decided to wait until [certain personal stuff happened].

In the meantime, I've been working with medical professionals who specialize in transgender issues. After two years of hormone replacement therapy, and living full-time as a woman outside of work, I'm very comfortable with my progress.

Earlier this year, I informed my immediate family, and they have been wonderfully supportive. Last week, I informed my management at work, and they, too, are exceptionally supportive. I am so thankful.

However, I understand some people may be turned off by my decision, and I respect your feelings. If you prefer not to stay in contact, I get it.

For the rest, if you'd like to follow me over to my new Facebook page (xxx), I'd be happy to see you there. I won't be updating this site after today.

Love and best wishes for a happy 2015...

* After this, some people sent friend requests to my new account, and some didn't.

* After a couple of weeks, I exported my old Facebook pages and deleted the account

Good luck with whatever you do!

[caliyr]

newgrrrl,
My Facebook account is under my new name, it always has been, and I am openly male, altough people don't give my profile a read, I mean, why would they, people don't usually just go and change genders while they're not looking? Normally... People generally won't look at your gender on your profile when they assume that they know you.
I am open about my transition, but it is not something I just want to make a post about... I'd like to find a way to tell people who I haven't been talking to for longer than I have lived fully male, without feeling nervous. I just dont know how...

[Zoetrope]

Hi Caliyr,

I guess since you have everything 'up to date' or your profile, so to speak, most people will be able to put 1+1 together for themselves.

People won't just bring it up though, out of social convention. Many will just be trying to be polite. Some will be unsure how to react. Others may not been paying attention!
---

If you want to clear the air then definitely, some kind of announcement is the way to go.

I'd avoid writing thousands of words, just by virtue of the fact that many of us have short attention spans ;~)

Say what you want to say, make it clear and concise. Say this is who you are and how you live your life, and that you are a whole world better for it.
---

How people will react is out of our hands - but do not fear that. In general, a comfortable, authentic and genuine person - the real 'us' we are all striving to be - will attract good things into their life.

It's also more than likely that people will begin to approach *you* for advice!

All the best x

[Julia-Madrid]

How the hell do I tell them? I can't just be like
Hey how are you?
Good, you?
Oh you know, I've changed my life since we last talked and now I'm a man and stuff..

Caliyr, maybe you are over-complicating the situation.  Just be who you are.  When asked, the simple answer is "I just had to fix some fundamental things, so I'm here and better than ever."

If you want to come out on Facebook, a simple note is more than enough.  You don't need to go down a rabbit hole of justifications.  If anyone wants to know more, they'll get in touch.  IF you're already out on Facebook, the curious will look through your timeline and more than likely send you a note of congratulations.

Hugs
Julia

[Mariah]

Julia is right, if they want to know they will get in touch. I too have added people lately, who were not on my original page ever and so far only one of the people that I went to school has decided ask. They did so privately so I wouldn't worry about it. They more than likely already figured out what is going on. Hugs

So a primary school classmate and my mum's ex-boyfriend's son added me on Facebook recently. I havent talked to either of them for over 6 years. I've been openly trans for like 5 years-ish....
They add me through my mum's profile where I'm displayed as her son, but I doubt they read the description.

How the hell do I tell them? I can't just be like
Hey how are you?
Good, you?
Oh you know, I've changed my life since we last talked and now I'm a man and stuff..

It would be so much easier if they shown a clear sign of misgendering me, like she-ing me or something obvious to THEM, so I could correct them, but that's not the case.... What do I do? Every time someone from my past adds me I get a little heart attack and dont know how to deal with this... Any advice, please?

[caliyr]

Hi Caliyr,
I guess since you have everything 'up to date' or your profile, so to speak, most people will be able to put 1+1 together for themselves.
People won't just bring it up though, out of social convention. Many will just be trying to be polite. Some will be unsure how to react. Others may not been paying attention!

My problem is not that, the problem is that people do NOT check my profile. If this was the case, I would be fine, but it isnt. The thing is that people who are adding me from the past are not even aware, because they won't go on my profile and check for gender and see if anything's changed or realise I'm male just by some pictures. I have a few pictures on Facebook, but most of them are very androgenous (and I have long hair), nothing that could make them go "wait, there's something fishy here"...

I may be overcomplicating things, but the problem is, I know that they think of me as a girl, but there is no direct misgendering, the language I speak with them doesn't have any sort of gender pronouns of anything, so there is nothing in their grammar or langauge that would enable me to correct them. It just bugs me that someone talks to me while thinking I'm a woman. I should not be as frustrated about this as I am, but people from my past remind me of that country I used to live in, where people, even psychiatrists and doctors would laugh at me when I told them I was transsexual.

[Muffinheart]

I remember coming to terms with coming out in 2008. It's funny looking back now, because half of those people I told, they thought there was something up with me. One guy said he wondered why my legs were always so smooth when we golfed. I told him it was a hereditary thing lol.
Coming out should be on your terms, but be prepared that not everyone will accept it.
My ex wife has kept my daughter from me, my brother and sister have disowned me.
But the flip side is I have picked up so many more new friends, that I'm starting to forget about family.
If they, those who knew me the longest cannot accept me, then to hell with them.

Nina

[FTMax]

You don't. They have brains and can likely put it together if they're so inclined. I wouldn't worry about it unless they broach the subject.

Personally, I wouldn't accept a request from someone I hadn't spoken to in that long. Heck, I delete people I don't speak to regularly as it is. And in your case, if their perception of you bothers you, why continue interacting with them?

I don't really see a point in having friends on social media from far back in my past. If my only connection with someone is that we were in the same elementary school class, thanks for noticing me, but I'll pass.

[rani20]

callyr, I don't know if this would work for you, but here's what I did on Facebook after "going public" with my transition:

* Created a new Facebook account under my new name

* Told family and close friends who knew about my transition that I had a Facebook account, and sent them friend requests

* Posted a message on my existing Facebook page like this:

* After this, some people sent friend requests to my new account, and some didn't.

* After a couple of weeks, I exported my old Facebook pages and deleted the account

Good luck with whatever you do!

Nice