I'm really unsure?

[YeahNo]

I feel like this'll make more sense if I give some back story so hang in a second here,
My first few memories aren't of feeling as if I'm in the wrong body, but that's mainly because I'm always extremely focused on everything else, my very first memory is of falling off a bunk bed and landing on my forehead for example, but after my second time experiencing trauma to the head I started to have memories that I wasn't so focused on other things in. I remember I didn't realize there was a difference in genders aside from boobs when I was younger and so I didn't really feel anything was wrong because I thought every bodies privates looked the same, and I've always liked girly clothes and styles as well as boys. No one told me there was a difference in genitalia until 6th grade and I was kind of okay with it then, but I also didn't like being in the real world then, I just read a bunch of books from male POVs and I tried to stay in them. When I hit 7th grade I started having a few problems but I didn't really acknowledge I even actually had a vagina back then, Like I always felt vaginas are gross and such but I didn't ever look or feel down there, I just thought I had urethra there and I didn't care much otherwise. 8th grade passed similarly, except I started paying more attention to traditionally make types of outfits or things, which worried my mother who always tried to keep me girly, and then the summer between 8th and 9th grade hit. I started feeling really uncomfortable having a vagina and boobs(Which are luckily double A cups, so they aren't that out there in baggy clothes) I was able to ignore it and I still liked girly fashions so I could keep it under control for a while. Especially since school distracted me, but when winter break hit it got really bad and I even drew facial hair on my self one day to help myself a bit. School was hell for a bit after it started up but it managed to start distracting me again but before the third semester even got near ending it got bad again and its been bad up to now and I know I really want a penis and a flat chest and facial hair but I'm scared it's a faze or my body's trying to be a dick because I can convince myself I'm okay with my boobs and vagina but they still really disgust me so I'm just really confused and kinda need some advise

[Ms Grace]

Hey YeahNo

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

The confusion you're feeling is quite common in people with gender identity issues - having the wrong body to how you feel inside, being treated differently because of it can really make things feel mixed up. The only advise we can really give you here is to talk to a counsellor who can give you some direction and options.

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Cheers

Grace

[MelissaAnn]

Hi YeahNo,

First a big warm Welcome to Susan's Place! It's always nice to welcome another member to our ever growing family. There are many very understanding people here that have either gone through or are going through the very same feelings you are! These feelings are quite normal! I agree with Ms. Grace that seeing a therapist especially a gender therapist would help you tremendously! In general if you've been questioning your gender as long as you have it's not a phase then! Always remember the you are not alone here and there are millions of people in the world that are questioning their gender also.

Secondly, there are many valuable resources available here and it's all right at your finger tips so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking! I look forward to seeing you around the forums and getting to know you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path!

Much Love,

Melissa Ann   

[Pizzaparty78]

Hey YeahNo,

I can sorta relate to you, when I was in elementary school  I wasn't really focused on any of that stuff either. I just did whatever I wanted, and didn't care about gender. It wasn't until 6th and 7th grade until it really hit me, who am I? I started to feel like I didn't belong with girls, but I couldn't always be with other guys. At this point now, and I think we're near the same age, I've come to an understanding as to who I am. Every now and then I question myself, or try to just think everything will be ok if I were to live as a girl for the rest of my life, but deep down I know that isn't true. I've taken small steps to being who I am inside, just starting with cutting my hair.

The only person who can really tell you what's up with you, is you (cheesy I know, but it's true). Just try to think, what would make you the most happy? How do you see yourself in the future? That can be as a man, woman, or anything in between. If you are uncomfortable with female genitalia, like most of us guys here, you can always bind and maybe try some mens underwear to help you feel better. That definitely helps me.

Good luck in finding who you are, don't be shy to ask for help from anyone here, including me
-Grayson

[nguoiviet]

yehh man, in school seeing all these cisguys talk "stuff" interact with girls and grow up started to make me envious and upset. being called a "girl" just let me down. i wont even go to school cuz all of these things
hang in bro u not the only one