how long should i wait before coming out?

[infinity]

i've been positive that i'm trans* for about a month and a bit now. looking back, i think the only reason i didn't come out before is because i had no idea what i was feeling and why i behaved the way i did. heck, i didn't even what know the term "transgender" meant. now, however, i don't think i can stand another day of being female.

i've been extremely confused lately. i believe that the current problem i'm having is fully accepting myself and stopping the doubts and stuff like that. for instance, one minute i'm sure that i'm male, the next i'm thinking that it's merely a phase or something. sometimes i feel like a fake, a fraud, like i'm not being my "true self" by not coming out or whatever. other times i feel like i could probably manage being female for the rest of my life, although i'd much rather not. this back-and-forth thinking is killing me, and i just want to come out!

still, i want to be at least almost certain before i tell everyone, so my questions are: how long did you know before coming out? how long do you think should i wait in order to be positive that it isn't "just a phase"? and how do you go about self-acceptance (if i really am trans*)?

thanks,
jackson

[Jessica Merriman]

My advice would be explore this with a qualified therapist first. How long to wait? How long can you live healthy and happy before this consumes you?

[Shirley | Dover]

Jackson,
I believe you are transgender. Don't let those cruel, little voices in your head tell you otherwise. I was indoctrinated by my family, and society in general. It's like a trauma for me. I must move on, and let it go, and hope the negative thoughts that came/comes from the backlash of society to fade. You need to seek a gender therapist as soon as possible. The sooner the better. It depends as well, but I recommend you see a professional therapist who advocates for transgender individuals, and not just any therapist will do.

Considering from an outsider perspective, you are on a transgender-related topic PAGE. You do have these thoughts! You and those thoughts are important. The sooner, perhaps you can learn about hormones, and successfully take them in the near future. Hormones are vital, they maybe are key to making you feel matched with your mind. Once you learn about all these things, everything you are thinking now will make sense. Again, hormones should be taken the earliest possible time for the best results!

Re-evaluate your life, and see what you can conclude. I hope you get in contact with a therapist!
I hope you luck, and I hope you feel better. Good luck,
Jackson

[AlB]

I waited three and a half years. Also because voices in my head were telling me I just had to wait and these thoughts would disappear and all that. But they didn't, and even though I don't feel 100 % male all the time, I just thought: when do I feel female? And the answer was never. Do you ever feel female? If not, you are probably trans in some way.

Right now I think about what I want to do with my transition. And I'm very sure that I want top surgery and T, and to me that's sorta a sign that I most certainly am a dude haha.

If you can't really figure out your gender identity, maybe you should think about how you want your gender expression to be. You can be genderfluid and other similar things and still have a male gender expression. That's at least how I see it for myself, because it varies between feeling male and feeling a bit more agender for me.

[ChelseaAnn]

I waited 15 years... Not that I knew the whole time what was going on. I never revealed anything about wanting to be a girl because I thought no one would accept me. My parents are ok, my friends don't care and like when I'm Chelsea, some of my cousins told me they were upset I waited so long to tell them.
I wish I'd done everything in college. So don't let fear get you. Things are improving for us.
Stay strong.

[Elis]

For me I'm going to wait until I can see a gender therapist and get the go ahead for T. I want to have enough evidence that this isn't a phase (my dad is a bit iffy with LGBT stuff). If you feel like you will be accepted then go ahead, if not see a therapist first. Good luck.

[Mariah]

It really comes down to when your comfortable and sure about this as to when you come out. Talking to a gender therapist first would be great and help prepare you to accomplish this goal too. I waited a few months before telling everyone and even then some where told before I was ready by others which resulted in more questions. I was ready to answer them and to tell them, but still the fact it wasn't on my terms is something I didn't like. Find the timing that works for you, but any support you can put in place first would be highly recommended which is where the therapist will really come in handy. Good Luck and Hugs.
Mariah

[infinity]

thank you all for your helpful replies.