I'm putting this up mainly to just get it out and I know of no other way. This is not meant to get responses, but if you feel the need....well then you have your own reasons and who am I to say no, like I said, it just has to come out. I was outside cleaning windows when I realized I had my old guy clothes on so I would not get my new clothes dirty. I thought hmmm, I need to change into something that will match the insides. Once changed I thought ok some eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow and lipstick is 'exactly' what I need. Passing by a full length mirror I stopped and looked close at my face and mainly my eyes. What an incredible change has taken place. I was absolutely so touched by who was looking back. This person was soft, she was the person never even in my wildest imagination or dreams that I would see looking back. Then reality of my current situation began to creep in, and I saw her threatened, I saw the possibliity of her demise. She is just venturing out, carefully, treading quietly, not boldly or forcefully, but in fear of injury or harm. I began to feel like I was starting to unravel, seams coming apart. I have lived through many life in the balance situations, I have been in prisons, I have had to fight for my life. I have used and drank to the point of dying, I have survived many, many things, and I've done them all without feeling a thing. Now, well now my life is a different story, the armor has cracked, I'm not sure when it happened, but a tiny helpless new me has been born, her full strength is not yet to be had, but is on its way. By way of these cracks, new things are happening, as I walked away from the mirror, quiet, subtle, and rare beyond measure, tears were making their way down my cheeks. No matter what may come, no one, I mean no one can take away the fact that my birth has taken place, and the woman inside wil not be stopped. Dani
