Dealing with people not knowing

[kittylover]

I don't know if this is weird but the concept  of people not knowing my birth name gives me anxiety . I think it's because it's so different from what I'm used too and also because I keep worrying about how easily it could be ruined. I do find myself sometimes doing things to keep people from finding out  so I must want to. How do I get over the anxiety?  one thing I worry a lot about is I have a friend who's name is my birth name and I really want to keep being friends with her but I keep feeling like if we're around people who don't know I'll unintentionally give it away somehow ....

[Ms Grace]

It just takes time. Even after 11 months living full time as Grace I'll still prick up my ears if I hear someone use my birth name, even though they're talking about/to someone else.

[Mariah]

Kittlylover, I would give it time. Ms. Grace is right it just takes time to get used to the fact. I wasn't concerned about people not knowing my birth name, but had the same issue she did and that was I found that I would tern my head when hearing my old first name called out. Considering it was a fairly common first name I'm sure you can see how hard that was to not respond to especially at first. Everyone has their own comfort zone and amount of time that it takes to get their. The best thing you can do for now is relax and be yourself. Your less likely to give yourself away that way. Hugs
Mariah

[sam1234]

I agree. Its a matter of time. For many years I cringed anytime I heard my old name spoken to someone else who had that name. Its doubtful that you would give it away. If someone who knew you before and recognized you shouted out your old name, you might turn and look, but could quickly cover because most people will turn and look when they hear a shout.

Many of the things we think are obvious to others, body builds, lack of or too much body hair etc. usually are inflated in our own minds. Over time, as you get used to your new name, those worries will fade and you will feel more confident about your reaction to hearing that name spoken to others. Always think of yourself as your new name, even if its just practice and keep going forward.

sam1234

[Obfuskatie]

Depending on your birth name, there are ways of incorporating it in your new identity if you don't want to lose it entirely.  Getting a new legal identity is kinda crucial for a lot of legal matters though.  If you're worried about raising suspicion from random people for perking up to the utterance of your old name, all you have to do is say someone really close to you was called that.

Personally, I'm not good at lying, so I tend to just tell people as much truth as I think they can deal with.  Otherwise it can get complicated, and transitioning was mostly for me to be authentic to myself and others.  But how open you are with others about your trans-status is up to you.  But I think the name thing is relatively minor.

In my case, I'm keeping my old name as my first two initials, K and C.  Even though I lucked out getting a non-gendered name, I want to have a legal separation from the male and female identity.  This way, the family and friends I'm out to don't have to call me something new, as long as they use the right pronouns.

  Hugs,
- Katie