How to tell Your wife who is in denial a work situation

[ToniB]

Hello all  .I have come to a situation that is causing me some worries Due to a couple of factors I have been Recognised and accepted as transgender at work Mainly due to my breast development and as I was told later my significant facial feminisation .Due to the nature of my Job carrying and lifting very heavy test equipment and lifting them from tall cabinets the only way is to rest them on my chest vand that was causing me great discomfort on my developing breasts .My Manager saw this and sent me to Occupational health and she advised me to wear a supporting Bra .So that meant for my protection I must register with the company as transgender to cover Me against abuse at work.That actually was not a problem as my manager told everybody about my problem and everybody is extremely supportive at work .The problem is with my Wife she knows about my situation but is in denial .she has seen my breast development but said i dont want you wearing a bra and has suggested binding to hide the development.How do I tell her that I have been told I need to wear a bra at work now with her attitude and denial .Please help and advise .at the moment I have bought myself a properly fitted bra that I change into at work but I hate decieving the wife
Anita

[Trillium]

Hey Anita,

I think your wife's denial is something that your really going to have to talk to her about and try to understand where it is she is struggling to accept things and if she wants to be with you as the woman you are and will become.

I can only imagine how difficult that could actually be. I imagine there will be others on here who have experienced the kind of situation your in, so hopefully they'll be able to offer their advice.

'hugs'
Lily xx

[Ms Grace]

She's going to have to accept it eventually. Plus, as the kids say, she's not the boss of you.

Sounds like the two of you need to have a very serious talk about a lot of things to do with your transition, where it is going and what you both want and need. She can't stick her head in the ground forever and you can't tip toe around that either. It's action time, my dear!

[ToniB]

Hi All well all I can say is thank god for Daughter in Laws .Last night I had to tell the wife what was going on at work as I have had councelling arranged by them She did not react well as I expected but later that night her daughter came to visit and mags needing somebody to talk to told her the situation.My Daughter in law was totally accepting and supportive of Me .It seems that her and my granddaughter had been noticing the changes in Me and actually much prefer the more feminine Me .her suggestion to help her Mum come to terms with my changes was to say Why dont I and Nicole my granddaughter come down one evening bring a bottle of wine or two get Me all dressed up and have a girly night in to get the Wife used to seeing Me dressed in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere.Hopefully she will see that I am still the same person I always was but in different clothes was how she put it.There was one funny point to the evening my daughter in law said she has some dresses that no longer fit her as she has lost a lot of weight that will fit Me that she will give Me and mags got a little jealous as she liked some of these dresses as well so I said we can share .So hopefully this will help things to settle down.Niether Mags or I want to split up so if she can come to terms with things and I know her daughter and granddaughter will work on her hopefully the future could be rosy (touch wood)

[Trillium]

Hi All well all I can say is thank god for Daughter in Laws .

Really glad that worked out well for you Anita, you couldn't ask for better daughter in laws then that xx

[ToniB]

I have had even better news now.I decided that it was time to tell my grown-up daughters what is happening .I approached my youngest daughter first as I knew she is very accepting bias it turned out she had noticed and was very understanding so much so that she wants to come down and give me a makeover.she happens to be a make-up artist so I could not say no could I .I asked her for help in telling my eldest daughter as I was not sure about how she would react. I got a call to say that dawn had seen it coming as well and was also fine with it .I must be the luckiest girl in the world.I have not had a single rejection from anybody I have told yet .as I started this thread about the wife struggling with my transitioning she is getting more used to things now.She lets me wear my bra to work and does not tell me to take it off when I get home.also when I said that Jenny wanted to give me a makeover she said that is fine with her.I am hoping that as my children have accepted it so well she will find it easier to come to terms with it herself.tonight she was doing a white wash so I put my work bra in the wash and she didn't react to it just put it out to dry with her things. So I think I will be one of the lucky ones that will be able to transition and keep my marriage and my children God must love me I am blessed

[Ms Grace]

Really glad to hear it is working out for you...may that continue!

[Eveline]

Anita, that is so nice to hear. Congratulations!

If you do the makeup session, maybe take some pics and share?

[ToniB]

I heartily hope so .not one person has said that they think this is the wrong thing for me.what I am am hoping for is when Jenny gives me my makeover my wife will for the first time see me dressed as so far she has refused.I think she has this idea of a drag queen in her head as when I first told her about dressing she said you would make an ugly woman .Somehow I have to get her over that way of thinking.I am hoping that if my daughter is happy to see and do a makeover it is not such a terrible thing. Do you think it would be worth deliberately going over the time during the makeover to be still made up when she gets home from work. My hope is that she would not make a fuss because my daughter is there and it would give her a chance to get used to seeing me dressed and if I look good and I am confident that Jenny can do that because she said I have the same facial structure as her and she is gorgeous .once she sees that I would not be hideous she may find acceptance a little easier

[Eveline]

Do you think it would be worth deliberately going over the time during the makeover to be still made up when she gets home from work.

Yes, why not. Especially if your daughter is still there.

What if your daughter does the session after your wife gets home? Then your wife could comment on the process, and be emotionally invested in the good results.

[ToniB]

Hi Evelyn Jenny is already planning to take pictures of the transformation no doubt dawn will want to see them as well.so if I can work out how to post some pictures I will do so .I can't believe how lucky I am . At this rate I will be able to go full-time fairly quickly once I can get the wife used to the fact that I have to transition but nothing else has to change I am still the same person that she has loved and lived with for over twenty years.she knows that all the things she most loves about me is all the feminine traits that I have always had long before this ever arose

[Devlyn]

Awesome thread! Pictures need to be uploded to an image hosting site, I use photobucket. There are lots of them out there. They're free and easy to use, if you get stuck I'll help you.

Hugs, Devlyn

[ToniB]

Thanks Devlyn  I will put some up I am only hoping that I look ok I will be most upset if I don't lol .I don't want to prove the wife right do I

[Devlyn]

Don't even worry about it, it sounds like you'll be in good hands! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[ToniB]

Hi girls I can't believe how things are working out ,I went shopping today with the wife, not only did she let me look at the women's clothing in the end she picked out a dress for me and bought it for me .I was chatting with my eldest daughter about transitioning and she told me that she asked my granddaughter evie who is 3 how would you feel if granddad started to wear girls clothing she thought for a few moments and said fine as I don't have to wear boys clothes .bless the minds of children.

[ToniB]

here are some photos as promised

[Eveline]

So cute!

[ChiGirl]

You look fantastic, Anita!  Hugs!

[Rachel]

Congratulations, you are a lucky woman.

[CollieLass]

Well done, Anita!........Blessed you are with such a supportive and loving 'circle'.
Best wishes,
Deb.