Coming Out to Another Transman?

[AbeLane]

So this semester at college there is a new student who is a very out and very open transguy. And I feel like it would be so awesome to have a friend I could talk about all of this stuff with in real life. We're even the same age and stuff. I've spoken to him a few times between classes about school stuff and whatnot and now we're facebook friends and stuff.

The thing is, I'm hardly out to anyone. And at this point in time, I'm not sure I'm ready to be out at college. Also I've already introduced myself as my birth name and all. So even if I did feel like it was the right thing to come out to him, I wouldn't know how to go about it. "Hey...uh...just kidding, I'm really like you. But don't tell anyone." Awkward!

And I also keep thinking that I know how hard it is to feel like there's no one to talk to who understands stuff and we're both pre-T (though he's already gotten his legal name changed in the past week or so) and I feel like maybe he would benefit from having someone to talk about this stuff to as well.

So yeah, what should I do? I'm scared he'll out me. After all I don't really know him that well. And I don't wanna seem like I expect us to be besties just cuz we're both trans either.

[Matt A]

If he's also a transguy, I doubt he'll out you. He'll know what coming out is like.

Just bring up the topic of transgender stuff, maybe ask about t and bring up casually, "I was hoping to get on it sometime next year, I'm trans too" as an example.

Don't need to announce it, just bring it up casually. Maybe also explain to him that you're still in the closet later in conversation.



Good luck
-Matt

[FTMax]

I have a high school friend/ex-significant other who is a somewhat well known transguy. We had fallen out of touch when I went away to college and grad school. Basically didn't have any interaction outside of Facebook friendship for 7ish years. A few months ago he started a fundraiser for surgery and I reached out to say I would be happy to donate if he still needed it...after I had paid for my own top surgery. I was only out to a few people at this point, and I was super nervous about his response.

He was incredibly supportive, gave me great advice about local resources, and the few times in my transition that I've encountered minor issues or roadblocks, he's happily offered his suggestions. The only person he discussed my transition with before I officially came out was another FTM we grew up with who was also just starting to transition and needed advice.

I know you think coming out to him that way would be awkward, but that is basically what I did and it worked out! I also think it's really helpful to have a real life person nearby who is going through/has done through similar things. Online friends and support is great, but it's nice to be able to physically be in someone's presence and just have them "get it".