Transitioned non-binary

[DKTGSupport]

I've always felt a bit counter trans culture in that I desired to have a female body, but not identifying as a woman. I've been called 'transsexual-light', 'not transsexual', with the implication that my dysphoria was not taken as seriously as if I was properly 'trans'. I've also been a little bit of an oddity even among the non-binary in that I want a full woman's body. If there are others like me perhaps they are not admitting to it, are passing as transsexuals or I have simply not encountered them.  For all that I am a transsexual, I'm gender queer, and I identify as non-binary.

I transitioned physically about 3 years ago - which is to say i started taking hormones and had SRS and am seen as female. At the time my identity swung enough in that direction to identify as female but I think it was a crafty trick my mind played on myself in order to get me to transition physically. It was a means to an ends and it worked. But 3 years on and I am exploring again and reclaiming my non-binary identity. But this time I am happy in my physical self. I dress in women's clothing, but tending towards the jeans , t-shirt and comfortable shoes kind of woman. I wear dresses over dress pants to work and occasionally a shirt and tie to get my sexy fem dom on. I don't feel entirely comfortable being put in a the box called female and while preferring to be called a 'she' it does not quite sit comfortably. But it sure as hell beats being considered my birth sex and all the dysphoria that entailed. What helps a lot is simply being open with people.

Anyway that is some of my story. I wanted to tell it just in case there were some other confused unicorns that were in the same boat - female body wanting but non-binary gender feeling. I think we often struggle with validity. I'm here to say that it is totally valid to want to have a body of the opposite sex even if you don't identify as that sex. And if your original model body causes you enough distress then I think this is a perfectly valid reason for physical transition, and to give the finger to the trans police.

I identify as a asexual agender MAAB, who would like to be a neutrois.
Sometimes I would liked to be born in this year instead of 73.The way our society is changing will make it easier for those of us that would seek surgery.When my dysphoria hits it's when I get at reminder from south.
As I wrote on AVEN, some questions can be very cruel(even if they come from healthpersonal)

1) How did you cope with the chemotherapy ?
2) So you're a FtM ? Were there any problems with the niples ?
3) Seeing your GP(in wintermonth)and the secretary ask when you had your last mammography screening ?

And this is how I think a MtN/FtN surgery procedure should be(copy/pastet from my AVEN-contents) :
Step 1:
Sterilization :
Male : Orchiectomy+sack
Female : Oophorectomy(ovaries) Hysterectomy(uterus)
Step 2 :
Topsurgery, making both genders look same at the top.
Male : Nipple removal(to avoid breast & cancer to develope)
Females : Mastectomy.
Step 3 :
Bottomsurgery :
Male : Penectomy
Female : Radical vaginectomy

[makipu]

Hi Nicole, I can relate except I am the opposite. I want a fully male body and I am non binary all the way.

[genderirrelevant]

Jak and genderirrelevant, I'm just as excited to talk to you! Because I've never met anyone who feels quite the way I do about my body and my gender, I hope you'll consent to exchanging contact information!

I had my surgery in Thailand, though, and there was no need for a WPATH letter or GID diagnosis, which would have complicated matters. More like, "You got the money? Great."   

I love walking around outside and at the beach shirtless but I don't "pass" at all (hence...STARES. LOTS OF THEM).

I've wondered whether I might end up going the Thai route. Who did your surgery? What was the cost breakdown? I'm definitely keen to pick your brain.

While I'd love to go occasionally topless (e.g. when biking on a hot day) it's not something I would do much. Have you ever been in a situation where you got hassled about it (e.g. asked to put a shirt on, expelled, etc)?

[genderirrelevant]

I kinda lost track of where to find this thread.  O_o

My story on non-binary transition since Christmas:

Dec 30, 2014 - I had a consult with a plastic surgeon was recently selected to be one doing publicly funded top surgeries. As soon as I said I didn't want nipples he said I didn't want a male chest. WTF?! He then started showing me pictures of scar patterns typical for cancer patients. I was a little shocked he would be that insensitive about taking a trans* patient's wishes seriously. He did refer me to the gender therapist who approves funded surgeries.

Jan 2015 - tried to get an appointment with the gender therapist but they hadn't received the referral yet and told me I needed it from my GP. Did that and even emailed a copy of the referral myself. Receipt of the referral was acknowledged and then I heard nothing despite a couple more emails. I emailed Dr Mangubat in Seattle in case I have to go the private route and got a prompt reply but the weak CDN$ has taken that option off the table. I also emailed another private practice local surgeon twice and got nothing more than an automated reply promising contact within 48 hrs.

Feb 2 - tried phoning the gender therapist's office directly (only staffed 8 hrs/wk) and got a live person who said the waitlist for appointments was ~ 3 months. I said that was probably too late for my needs and I ended up being given an appointment 2 days later.

Feb 4 - had my first appointment and the therapist said fairly quickly that she would write a letter which I assumed simply said that I had gender identity disorder like one might take to anyone doing top surgery privately. I had said that I was definitely getting surgery in if I had to do it privately. We talked another half hour and she asked me to come back the next day.

Feb 5th - this time I mentioned about not wanting to keep my nipples and she questioned me quite a bit about it. She seemed to think I would be bothered by stares when shirtless in public. Firstly I don't expect to do that much at all and secondly I'm used to being stared at from my time living in Asia. At the end she indicated my surgery would be covered by the medical services plan and I just had to schedule a date with the surgeon. I don't have to go in for any gender counselling. Amazing! Clearly the system is taking non-binary people seriously even if the surgeon needs a little education.

Since this I have thought more about avoiding regret on whether to keep or lose the nipples. I am even more convinced that I am less likely to have regrets if they are thrown out because revision by tattooing is much cheaper and medically safer than getting a second surgery (with more scars) to remove unwanted nipple grafts.

Feb 6 - although it was probably too soon I called the surgeon's office to see if they had received the referral yet and I asked them to call me back when they got it. If I don't hear anything by Wednesday I'll call them again because I want to get a late June date nailed down as soon as possible so I don't miss the window for disrupting work as little as possible.

[Katelyn]

Wow how could I have missed this thread!?

Yes, thank you for posting this.  I really like to see when people who are non-binary transition.

My dilemma was not in what body that I wanted, I've been pretty sure that I've wanted a female body.  I'm pretty sure that I've wanted to have sex only as a woman.  I have many feminine traits.

Problem for me is that I don't exactly feel all the time as a woman, and perhaps many times as not, or am not 100% sure that feeling female is the core me.  I'm not even sure If those times I really felt female or its a construct that I made long ago in order to satisfy my desires to transition.

The crux for me is that I've felt that "feeling female" is the key requirement in order to transition, and without it it just isn't possible.  So this has thrown me off for the longest time.

Generally right now I consider myself non-binary in everyday life, and perhaps feel non-binary as well.

[Tessa James]

Yes, this really is a great thread with refreshing candor and acceptance for being our selves.  The history for transgender people from the early modern era of HRT and surgery was that only the binary, passable, and ready to be stealth people were accepted for transition.  We still have a structured narrative that many devotees endorse as the one true way.  My RLE is that it is just so hard for some to grasp transgender and then to take that extra step of being non-binary it becomes a head spinner.  Well intentioned people have tried to help me by encouraging further polarity, passing tips, or insisting that i am a woman if I am transgender.  I am an amalgam and the labels just don't help in dealing with our personal complexity.  Fortunately we get to call the tune for this dance.

I am fascinated by the stories of those who are part of this counter trans culture.   I have felt like part of the counter culture since the "Age of Aquarius."

[T90]

Whenever I'm feeling particularly Non-Binary (as I seem to either feel it very strongly or not very much at all) I feel the desire to look completely female, to sound female, and to be read as female. But I never feel like I want to have a woman's body. I.E. I want to be seen as female, but keep my male body hidden underneath. In this respect it's clear that I have issues regarding my gender, rather than my sex.

Perhaps because of this I haven't really taken any steps towards looking more female, though as I'm still only 24 this may be something I actively seek to do in the future.

[hiddenfeatherscanfly]

Reading all of this I cant help but relate. Im pre op but hoping to get top surgery in the future. I love being boyish but i dont like identifying as either gender. The only dysphoria i suffer is to do with my womanly body aka hips, curves and my chest. I love having short boy hair and I go by a masculine name.

[ERROR: gender undefined;]

Thank you, everyone, for this thread. It has been a huge bolster to my self-esteem just to know that I'm not alone.

I am new, so I hope I can be part of the forum. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu. 

I'll post in the introductions thread, too, but just wanted to say thanks, first.   

[makipu]

I just wanted to mention that I also asked about having it without nipples and they were not willing. I am guessing some surgeons do it their style and their style only. I can kind of understand it but this is our body and we should have a say since we're paying for it.

[genderirrelevant]

I just wanted to mention that I also asked about having it without nipples and they were not willing. I am guessing some surgeons do it their style and their style only. I can kind of understand it but this is our body and we should have a say since we're paying for it.

If you are paying privately then I think you should look elsewhere for a surgeon if the one you are talking to 'refuses' to give you what you want. Point out there is the option of tattoos and even paste-ons which are safer and cheaper than surgical revision or permanent dysphoria.

Good luck!

[genderirrelevant]

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.

こちらこそよろしくお願いします！　スーザンズへようこそ！

[adumava]

First time coming into the non-binary section of the forums. What you originally described sounds quite nice. Wanting a female form but identifying not solely as either. Wearing what you please and doing as you please when you feel like it. Sounds nice.

[KageNiko]

I like this thread because that is how I feel too.  I am very much in between - I feel that men and women should be free from stereotypes. I hate how I always have to think about how i behave in public to ensure that I act appropriate for my gender.  So what if I like to be expressive and silly? So what if sometimes I get excited over things that most guys dislike?  So what if I melt over adorably cute things?  So what if I have a greater appreciation of beauty and excellence (I took a traits test and that was my top trait)?  I just wish there was only one gender, haha, it would be less confusing that way. 

[melon_lord]

I feel very similarly in a lot of ways, only being FAAB.
When I first came out in high school, it was as 3rd gender, but some of the people in my life told me I had to "choose between male and female" and I ended up identifying as FtM for about 2 years. I went on testosterone for 6 months before stopping, and was living fully as male until I started feeling uncomfortable with the roles I was being expected to fulfill (it was especially strange because I work in mental health/education, and seeing the role switch between being a female and male care provider was interesting but dysphoria-inducing).
The last 3 years I have been very gender non-conforming and fluid, but I felt that I was presenting more feminine partially because I felt like I had to "balance out" my time as completely male and partially because of not being out to my partner's family (they think that I am cis-female, and I have never ascribed any gender to myself in front of them or corrected them, which is an even longer story).
This year though, I have been trying to navigate between what I want now and worrying if that will effect my mental health and identity in the future if my feelings change. So I have (for the time being) decided to go back on a low dose of testosterone because I feel more comfortable being gendered as "he" - even when I know I will never consider myself to be a woman or a man. I feel like the terms "agender", "3rd gender" and "trans" apply best to how I feel at most times.