What are you thinking? 10.0

[immortal gypsy]

Sorry to hear that Gypsy. I hope it's just a slight bump and nothing more major going on. Hugs
Mariah

Thanks Mariah. I am sooo hoping this is just a bump. I've had periods where my neuro has had to jack up my meds to max levels then try new ones to try and get me under control again. Seizures I can live with (have since a teen). It's the feeling of helpless then and not being able to work sometimes the next day that is a major hassle

[Jill F]

I didn't realize until today that I was apparently supposed to be a member of a clique here.  I'm thinking that I have no clue who else is in it.

[Cindy]

I didn't realize until today that I was apparently supposed to be a member of a clique here.  I'm thinking that I have no clue who else is in it.

About 17,600 others. One hell of a clique

[Jill F]

About 17,600 others. One hell of a clique

Couldn't see.the forest for the trees?

[katrinaw]

Thanks Mariah. I am sooo hoping this is just a bump. I've had periods where my neuro has had to jack up my meds to max levels then try new ones to try and get me under control again. Seizures I can live with (have since a teen). It's the feeling of helpless then and not being able to work sometimes the next day that is a major hassle

hugs Gypsy, fingers X'd that it is just a hiccough for you.

In the UK where I used to live, we had a neighbour that suffered Epilepsy, I recall it was the first time I'd seen or witnessed it, we all felt so helpless, apart from looking after her children at our home during attacks... after making sure she was comfortable and seeking help etc... Until she would call us and say she felt OK again, or her husband came home.
She basically said the same thing to us, she'd been coping and living with it since she was a kid, I recall admiring her matter of fact attitude and level headedness, amazing!

L Katy

[Adam (birkin)]

Someone I know is fairly suicidal, and I know that it usually pops up in response when one relationship she has is in jeopardy. But she'll never outright say it, she will make up some other reason why she's been taken to that point and I have caught her in lies. I noticed the pattern and decided to confront her on it yesterday because her life is starting to be ruined. I said "I think this is the real reason why you've been feeling this way and I want you to know you're not alone. But I think that you need to talk to this person about the state of your relationship rather than get to this point, because it's starting to impact your life and not in a good way." She got super duper quiet...she was clearly quite emotional and upset at the topic being brought up but was very careful with her words. I think she's afraid I'll tell this person what she said if she confesses to it, but I don't have a doubt in my mind most of her suicidal behaviour is a call for help from this person. But she was trying to end the conversation at all costs lol, using humour, changing the topic, etc.

Honestly I really shouldn't be worrying about this girl right now though as I have my own life. But I can't help it when I feel like I'm looking at 18 year old me again.

[Mariah]

Birkin, You doing the right and thing and are a wonderful friend to them for doing so. Our experiences make us who we are and when we can use those experiences to help others and me even possibly avoid some of the mistakes we made then that's great. Hugs
Mariah

[ChiGirl]

I have to write this somewhere.  I'm so ready to move to the next step of transition, seeing an endo, but my wife thinks I'm moving too fast.  She's already allowed me to laser hair treatment and go to group dressed.  And that should be enough for me because I said 3 months ago I wasn't even going to do that much.  I get that, but I feel like I've wasted so much of my life so far, I just want to keep moving forward.  I know it's a marathon, not a sprint, but right now I feel like I'm crawling through molasses.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose and I risk losing my wife if I push her too hard, but my dysphoria is just hitting me do hard lately.  Thanks for letting me vent.

[Devlyn]

I didn't realize until today that I was apparently supposed to be a member of a clique here.  I'm thinking that I have no clue who else is in it.

Hon, you're a potato. Your clique is ketchup, gravy, and sour cream!  Get that chip off your shoulder.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Devlyn]

I have to write this somewhere.  I'm so ready to move to the next step of transition, seeing an endo, but my wife thinks I'm moving too fast.  She's already allowed me to laser hair treatment and go to group dressed.  And that should be enough for me because I said 3 months ago I wasn't even going to do that much.  I get that, but I feel like I've wasted so much of my life so far, I just want to keep moving forward.  I know it's a marathon, not a sprint, but right now I feel like I'm crawling through molasses.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose and I risk losing my wife if I push her too hard, but my dysphoria is just hitting me do hard lately.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Big hug! Venting is on the house! You're making steps, they'll add up behind you, where they belong. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dee Marshall]

I have to write this somewhere.  I'm so ready to move to the next step of transition, seeing an endo, but my wife thinks I'm moving too fast.  She's already allowed me to laser hair treatment and go to group dressed.  And that should be enough for me because I said 3 months ago I wasn't even going to do that much.  I get that, but I feel like I've wasted so much of my life so far, I just want to keep moving forward.  I know it's a marathon, not a sprint, but right now I feel like I'm crawling through molasses.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose and I risk losing my wife if I push her too hard, but my dysphoria is just hitting me do hard lately.  Thanks for letting me vent.

I think we all do that, "this will be enough, honey, I just need to XXX to be happy", then after XXX other things haunt my mind. I've stopped making promises. It just hurts us both. I almost think Sweetie is sitting there now thinking " get on with it."

I worry a bit. Summer is coming, our complex has a pool and in the fall we're going on a cruise. Should I change my passport? Can I look enough like a man that much longer? What about the pool and the beaches? I can't go there as a man, the girls measure out as a D. That's too big for man-boobs even with a 40 inch chest.

[enigmaticrorschach]

echo echo echo all around, how many waves did I just sound 

[King Malachite]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m0lQ1ICRwI&index=1&list=LL4XKOg5COGzcjea2NHp8Uvg


I like to listen to this Navy Seal workout video as background noise from time to time.  I even plan to put this video on in the future when I sleep.  The cadences and war cries are soothing to me.  Maybe one day I can keep up with the jumping jacks and half jumping jacks.  That would be awesome.  The Navy Seals are freaking awesome.  I wonder if females would ever be allowed in there, provided they can pass the exact tests as the men.  I wonder if transmen would even be allowed to serve there, not that I'd serve there in particular.

Speaking of military, I wonder if/when transgender individuals will be allowed to openly serve in the military.   I suspect that will happen in the future, but I wonder how the PFT will be administered, if there would be any changes to that, and how the military would address pre-op/non-op/pre-hormone vs post-op/homes transgendered individuals.  There would definitely be intricate details that would have to be smoothed out, but I am very interested to see this happen.  I know if that were the case, I'd join as a transman if I met the weight requirements and passed could pass the PFT test.  It was something I had to think hard about: millitary or transition, which ultimately, it is more important for me to be dressed in the physical scars of transition than the uniform.  At this point, I'm horribly out of shape so I wouldn't get in anyway, but I know that I will eventually be physically better in the future because I have to be in order to get a phalloplasty, so there's some overlapping there.  I want the graft to be taken from my thigh, so naturally my goal is to have them become smaller.  I'm trying to get there now.  I walked 3.2 miles yesterday, which was awesome!  I'm trying to get in more walking to start slow so I won't take any damage to my knees and/or shins from all of the extra weight I have on me.

[DragonBeer]

I wonder if I should just join NYSC or take Muay Thai boxing classes instead.

[Jill F]

I think I have to barf.  Stupid leftover Chinese food...

Excuse me.

[Tossu-sama]

Our rat plans had little changes. Instead of females we're gonna get two male rats and we're getting them already tomorrow. c: Fun fun fun~

[V M]

Most of this world makes me feel like throwing up

[Adam (birkin)]

another issue has popped up at work. Thing is, I already go to the boss with a lot,of concerns. I don't want to be the "nark." But I don't want to let go of issues that I think are serious either.

All I know is I am not working in human services anymore. I work with good people, yes, who are invested in the betterment of the lives of the people we help. But I also work with effed up, selfish, indulgent, and lazy people. It grosses me out and they make me ashamed to be in social work.

[Jill F]

I'm thinking that Chinese leftovers probably are best eaten within 24 hours when cold.  Unfortunately my microwave is dead and I had no good way of reheating it. 

I'm just really glad (and lucky) that I was up close and personal with a freshly cleaned toilet today.   

See, I'm barfy and have a dead appliance, but I still feel kind of lucky here. 

Holy crap, I'm freaking Pollyanna.

[Adam (birkin)]

I love Winona Ryder. And Mia Kirshner.