Well, I was 100% ready to come out to my parents, was just looking for a good time.. But, things happened weirdly the last few days.
My mom went on a silent retreat on Friday, then me and my brothers went shopping yesterday, where I decided I would go to the desert with them next week since my aunt is going. Anyways, last night my aunt suddenly called and said she was going to our house, so we went to church then got home.. Church was weird enough since I hadn't been to church in over a year, and I had to see people I haven't seen in ages(most notably the priest, who we just found out is retiring).
Anyways, stuff happened with my aunt and her family(I actually picked up on it the last time I saw her), so she is most likely going to be staying with my family for a couple months, before she leaves the state(she invited me to go live with her after I graduate high school). But it is just so weird, she seems happy for the first time, and she has lost a ton of weight, and just has all of these amazing plans to help people.. So I have talked to her a lot today and last night, she really is just so positive now.
So, my mom got back tonight, and it is just weird. Can't really say what is up with her, really all I can say is it is weird.
But yeah.. The thinking I have been doing. Since there is so much going on with my family, and relatives, I have opted to not come out to my family, it just doesn't seem so important when compared to everything that is happening(most of the stuff being bad, sadly), and I am worried it could cause more tension.
However, I will eventually come out, hopefully by the time I turn 21, though by then I will have most likely started to go to therapy myself. But, I think for now I just want to concentrate on helping other people, which is something I have always wanted to do anyways(all of the careers I have looked at involve helping people in some way).
For the actual gender dysphoria stuff, it doesn't actually bother me to much, in my opinion, all that matters, is that I see myself as a woman(or more in between right now), and for now I am not suicidal or anything. Sure, there are some days where I wake up and completely hate myself, but those days come rarely.
Though, I am thinking about coming out to my aunt, if things work out somewhat well with her. Good things about it, is she has already asked about my sexuality, and has said she is okay with gay people(even having flamboyant gay friends), she doesn't really talk to the relatives very much, and she is just trustworthy from what I can tell. Also it would be nice to be out to someone besides my two friends whom I rarely talk to anymore.
For now, I will just follow my aunt's advice.. if I can figure out what she actually meant by it.
Well... At least I am somewhat happy now, and have things mostly figured out. I also know who I am now, and I am so glad that I am who I am. Even though I do have parts I will always hate about myself, it is good to finally know what I am doing.. Or something like that.
