Well That Was Weird

[RosieD]

 I don't post too much any more, having got well past the screaming hab-dabs stage and finding myself to be a bit inept at giving people useful advice. So...I've been full-time for about 2 years, HRT for 18 months, pass well enough to blend in, kept enough of a relationship with my wife that we won't be getting divorced over the T thing and have kept my job, even being promoted a few times. Y'know, dream transition, no real nastiness to deal with and I do feel I have been very, very lucky.

So the weird thing. I went along to a trans support group this evening. My first time ever as I never felt the need. TBH I still don't feel the need j but thought I would pop along to see whether I could be useful. My Gods was that ever an idiot idea! There seemed to be a cosy cabal that had very definite ideas on how things should be done. I spoke to one of the leaders who, rather than wanting to support seemed more inclined to stress how lucky we all were to only have a seven year wait full of time wasting and setbacks and how much harder it was in her young day.

I don't think I have been more irritated in quite a long time.  Utter pish.

Rosie

[suzifrommd]

My support group was instrumental in helping me figure out who I was and giving me the confidence that my transition would be a positive thing.

But I've been to a bunch of other support groups, some of them exactly the way you describe. The quality of the support groups serving our community is pretty inconsistent.

[RosieD]

Yep, pretty much agree with you totally on the inconsistent thing. Susan's has been (more or less with the occasional lurch) absolutely amazing, you all tend towards the lovely. Being the researchy McNoseymoo that I am I've found out that the utterly dispiriting individual I spoke to has an OBE for her work on promoting inclusiveness and TBH that makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

I will be retiring to the thicky corner with a Dunces cap on my head for being unable to work out how that is reasonable.

Rosie

[CB]

There's some very strange and irritating people around in the trans world. I'd like to think that we all share a common bond and are kindred spirits but unfortunately thats not always the case. Some people get very opinionated  and think they know it all and speak for the rest of us. And if they are in charge of a group......  well you experienced that this evening. 

A year ago my a partner and I were in another town and went along to a Transgender Day of Remembrance event. We were made to feel distinctly unwelcome! 

On the other hand I've met some very wonderful fine people as well. No different to life  in general I suppose!

[Newgirl Dani]

Hi Rosie,

Nice to see you pop in 'and' hear how well you are doing, very nice.  I suppose I should be grateful as the only support group I've been to and still go to (not really because I feel some great need, been independent for a long time, its just kinda fun) is a good one, yeah some are a bit stuck in the past but thats ok.  Its nice to meet new people sometimes, it helps me get past my hermit ways  .   Dani

[Eva Marie]

Support groups are hit and miss. Rosie it sounds like your group had some alpha types that just wanted to gripe about everything and tell stories of themselves back in the day.

I went to a well known trans support group here in L.A. a few times. There was a clique of regulars that hung tightly together and everyone else. After a few visits no one had really made any effort to talk to me nor any of the other new people; Apparently if you weren't in the clique you didn't exist.

They are big enough and old enough to know better but still let this kind of stuff go on anyway. Now that i've progressed in my transition I no longer need a support group - I got the message and I haven't been back to the L.A. group and I won't go back.

OTOH I've been to support group meetings in San Diego and in Orange county that ran themselves much better and didn't leave me feeling like I didn't know the secret password. People made the effort to be friendly and say hello and that made all the difference.

[suzifrommd]

I've found out that the utterly dispiriting individual I spoke to has an OBE for her work on promoting inclusiveness and TBH that makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

There are people whose main talent is promoting themselves and their activities. I have a coworker who acted like he was really supportive and then outed me to a reporter. Everyone things he's a great guy because he's so good at projecting an image.

[CB]

I've found out that the utterly dispiriting individual I spoke to has an OBE for her work on promoting inclusiveness and TBH that makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.
Rosie

Oh I have a good idea of who you are talking about then, and we are all supposed to look up to them!  Somehow this all makes sense now.

I will be retiring to the thicky corner with a Dunces cap on my head for being unable to work out how that is reasonable.

No it just makes you a normal caring person 

[ImagineKate]

I kind of avoided support groups because I figured that I wouldn't need them. I pass if I try to but I get clocked on occasion but I'm a big girl and I can deal with it. Besides I'm only 3 months on HRT, I don't expect miracles overnight. Plus I live soooo out of the way of most of them, I work long hours and I have 3 kids. But I might go just to see if I can benefit plus if I can give any support to the community. I feel as if I should pay it forward in some manner even if I personally don't benefit from it. Especially helpful would be my experience married with kids and the social aspects thereof.

I also do have an older friend who transitioned in the late 90s/early 00s. She said she doesn't like support groups because she doesn't want to listen to other people's problems.

[Wynternight]

I haven't gone to the local support group as it's majority FtM which I think is wonderful as they seem to be a very underrepresented faction in the trans* community but the things they talk about really aren't things I can relate to beyond a basic level. Packing and binding is kind of outside my area of expertise, such as it is. So whilst I'm very pleased for my transbrothers, the groups is one I have a hard time relating to. I get my support here.

[rachel89]

Where I live, there are not that many openly trans people, so it is just nice to see other people like me IRL. My support group is also how I found my electro and found out about the one endo in my area that works with trans people.