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Feeling like I'm "not trans enough"

Started by androgynouspainter26, February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM

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androgynouspainter26

The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.  Every time I take me hormones, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to people that actually diserve them.  Some of the things I feel invalidate my trans-ness:
-I'm not straight
-I didn't transition before puberty
-Hormones have not changed my body after two years-and would have if I was actually a trans woman.

All of these things and more...a month ago, I was certain of this, certain, but now...all of my certainty has fallen apart.  I just feel like I'm faking this whole thing.  I'm really scared  :'(
My gender problem isn't half as bad as society's.  Although mine is still pretty bad.
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ChiGirl

Everyone has doubts.  And your 3 things?  First 2 have no relevance to your trans-ness!  Your sexuality is not related to gender and most of us don't transition before puberty.  In fact, acceptance of trans kids is a fairly new phenomenon.  A great one, but a new one.

Three?  I don't know how long you've been on them, but they take time and everybody responds to them different.  Keep talking and working with your therapist.  All these are normal feelings.

Good luck and hugs! Remember you are not alone.
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Myarkstir

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM
The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.  Every time I take me hormones, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to people that actually diserve them.  Some of the things I feel invalidate my trans-ness:
-I'm not straight
-I didn't transition before puberty
-Hormones have not changed my body-and would have if I was actually a trans woman.

All of these things and more...a month ago, I was certain of this, certain, but now...all of my certainty has fallen apart.  I just feel like I'm faking this whole thing.  I'm really scared  :'(

-i started transition at 30 and had gcs at 47
-sexual preference has nothing to do with gender , i am a lesbian
-hormones will change your body trans or not. Even the most macho manly man would have some level of effect. How much depends on many factors but NOT being trans or not.

So relax those things have no bearing on gender dysphoria  ;)
Sylvia M.
Senior news staff




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Devlyn

Big hug! Don't be scared. I'll go over your three things, too.

-I'm not straight***So what?
-I didn't transition before puberty***So what?
-Hormones have not changed my body***Be very, very careful what you ask for!

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mrs izzy

Maybe it is time to revisit these issues with your therapist.

There is never a gun to anyones head.

Maybe you need to stop. De-transition.

Back to male.

Its easy. So many make it hard.

Transition is just that a transition from one point in life to another.

Somewhere alone the line the community enbraced the act as a gender.

I am female and always been.

Maybe you are or are not? You answer to answer.

Lots of luck.
Mrs. Izzy
Trans lifeline US 877-565-8860 CAD 877-330-6366 http://www.translifeline.org/
"Those who matter will never judge, this is my given path to walk in life and you have no right to judge"

I used to be grounded but now I can fly.
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Eveline

Honey, it sounds like you are just psyching yourself out.

You don't need to meet some "trans enough" standard, and you deserve hormones just as much as anyone.

And as for the straight and before puberty things, don't get us going...
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androgynouspainter26

I should have been female, but I don't think I ever be.  I don't want to go back, I really don't.  But I feel like I should just accept the fact that I'm bever going to be a woman.
My gender problem isn't half as bad as society's.  Although mine is still pretty bad.
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LoriLorenz

If you have a sense that you will "never be woman enough", where does it come from?

Is it a sense of "I don't pass now, so I never will"? Which is more a sense of feeling discouraged by slow progress than true identity. (That's my sense of it anyhow.)
or
Is it a sense of "I know I have progressed as far towards the feminine as I can"? In wich case I would cautiously say that perhaps you are closer to a-gendered than to female?

As for some of the other, prepare for broken record....

Not Straight... I'm A-sexual and FTM... I'm no more or less a guy than Joe Someguy who slavers over every hot woman. Ergo, you are no more or less a female than Jane Everygirl who faints at the sight of the nearest hot guy.

Not transitioned before puberty... A lot don't!

No hormone changes... that may be something to bring to your Endo as a concern rather than a diagnosis of not being trans.

Now, having said all that, it is who you are as YOU see yourself that is most important, not as how you can be compared to others. I hope you find some peace in yourself as to who you are. :)
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mrs izzy

And before anyone wishes to start a smite war.

De-transition is a viable option and should sometimes be considered.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,487.0.html is the one of the child boards under the Transgender talk

I would strongly advise one think before one smites anyone.

Just a warning.

BTW first smite I received as a Admin.

back to regularly programming schedule.

Mrs. Izzy
Trans lifeline US 877-565-8860 CAD 877-330-6366 http://www.translifeline.org/
"Those who matter will never judge, this is my given path to walk in life and you have no right to judge"

I used to be grounded but now I can fly.
  •  

Hikari

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM
The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.  Every time I take me hormones, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to people that actually diserve them.  Some of the things I feel invalidate my trans-ness:
-I'm not straight
-I didn't transition before puberty
-Hormones have not changed my body after two years-and would have if I was actually a trans woman.

All of these things and more...a month ago, I was certain of this, certain, but now...all of my certainty has fallen apart.  I just feel like I'm faking this whole thing.  I'm really scared  :'(
I am not straight, and I didn't transition before puberty for certain, I mean I would imagine that would apply to a great deal of transwomen. As far as I am aware, how effective hormones are at feminizing your body isn't really related to how "trans" someone is.
15 years on Susans, where has all the time gone?
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rachel89

"I'm not straight"-- most lesbians are cis-women, and some are pretty femme.

"I didn't transition before puberty"-- less than a century ago, we would have all been institutionalized, mental or criminal. the modern concept of transition began a little over 80 years ago, and was extremely crude by today's standards. Transgender children didn't have that option until very recently, many if not most still don't, and many face absolutely atrocious abuse. Until recently "dressing up and playing dolls" and hoping they didn't get caught was the only option trans-feminine children had to express their gender identity. For some, there are no clear signs of being trans in childhood, but it becomes clear when someone is a young adult, or later in life. Most children who transitioned before puberty aren't even old enough to get SRS yet.

"Hormones have not changed my body..." How do feel with testosterone running through system? How do feel with estrogen running through your system? If you feel better on estrogen, your probably a transsexual. I wish hormones would give the body I want too, with soft skin, softer facial features, large breasts, big child-bearing hips, and a nice round bum. Its probably not going to happen, and "trans-ness" has nothing to do with it, your gender is located in your brain, not your ass, hips, boobs, or face. plenty of women have not much of anything in the way of curves, and plenty of women have way too much (been to your local wal-mart lately?)
If transitioning makes you feel better, then you are trans enough to transition. I still sometimes worry if I am crazy, but pushing forward  makes me feel better. Being trans is a pretty hard life, do what makes you feel better and don't punish yourself for not fitting into a neat little box and coloring outside the lines, there are too people already willing to do that for you.


  •  

carsandsarcasm

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 10:12:20 PM
I should have been female, but I don't think I ever be.  I don't want to go back, I really don't.  But I feel like I should just accept the fact that I'm bever going to be a woman.

I get the all or nothing mentality and the thought that I will never be a true biological woman like I wish. With HRT, though, I will have something as opposed to nothing and that counts for plenty. I know I'd rather be more feminine than completely masculine.
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kelly_aus

What is "trans enough"?

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM
The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.  Every time I take me hormones, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to people that actually diserve them.  Some of the things I feel invalidate my trans-ness:
-I'm not straight
-I didn't transition before puberty
-Hormones have not changed my body after two years-and would have if I was actually a trans woman.

All of these things and more...a month ago, I was certain of this, certain, but now...all of my certainty has fallen apart.  I just feel like I'm faking this whole thing.  I'm really scared  :'(

- I'm not straight either.. And neither are 1/3 or more of trans women - at least according to a couple of surveys I've seen, including one here.
- I didn't even work it out until puberty hit, let alone transition. Besides, 1987 probably wasn't a good year for it.
- I tried claiming my body hasn't changed. I still maintain it hasn't. Old clothes and friends that knew me before tell me otherwise. As for boobs, imagine 2 small fried eggs, now pin them to a wall.. Yep, that's all I've got. And I'm approaching 4 years on hormones.
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alexbb

Paranoia the destroyer.
i sometimes think this way, but then think dude youre wearing 100% womens clothes and loving it. My straight friends have never once thought about sexchange, like, never, rather than being troubled by it all their lives. So im pretty sure Im going to stay the course. we can do this girl.

michelle82

Girl you ARE "Woman enough"! forget being "trans enough". You are a girl and that is that!!

Hair Removal - 10/1/14
HRT - 3/18/15
Full Time - 7/1/15
Name Change: 8/4/15
FFS - 1/14/16



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AnonyMs

I know this feeling well and its not very pleasant.

Its easy to compare ourselves to others and think that if that's what transgender means then its not me. Its true in a way, that I'm not like some other people but I've learned the hard way that it doesn't mean much. I now view being transgender as being a spectrum instead of yes or no, and its pretty obvious I'm on it somewhere - there's no way I'm normal cis.

I've been taking things really slowly, from starting HRT till now. Far too slowly, to the point where I eventually became extremely depressed and ill, both of which started disappearing when I did something about it. I try not to compare myself to others now. I know what I need, and I'm not ready to die over the meaning of a word.
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Anna++

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM
The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.

I had these thoughts several times when I was just starting transition, and it's not completely unexpected.  Transition can be scary, so your brain can cause these doubts to get you back to a place that it sees as familiar and "safe".  Like others have said, there is no such thing as "not trans enough."   All that really matters is if you think you would be happier living as a man or as a woman.
Sometimes I blog things

Of course I'm sane.  When trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.



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Kaylee2140

The fact that you are taking your hormones and actually thought about it to the point you went through the living hell of getting them should be enough for you to know you are trans.
"We are all geniuses up to the age of ten."
- Aldous Huxley

"When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed"
- Anton LaVey
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Wynternight

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 26, 2015, 09:41:08 PM
The subject pretty much says it all; lately, more and more, I've been feeling like for some reason I'm not actually a real trans woman, I'm just some deluded kid.  Every time I take me hormones, I feel like I'm being disrespectful to people that actually diserve them.  Some of the things I feel invalidate my trans-ness:
-I'm not straight
-I didn't transition before puberty
-Hormones have not changed my body after two years-and would have if I was actually a trans woman.

All of these things and more...a month ago, I was certain of this, certain, but now...all of my certainty has fallen apart.  I just feel like I'm faking this whole thing.  I'm really scared  :'(

I see your pics and I see all woman. I think you look wonderful.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things.

I started transition at 43.

Hormones don't know if you're trans or not. They just do their hormoney things.

Second, third, hell, fifth and sixth guesses are normal. I need a counter to keep track of how many times I second guessed myself before deciding "Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead!"
Stooping down, dipping my wings, I came into the darkly-splendid abodes. There, in that formless abyss was I made a partaker of the Mysteries Averse. LIBER CORDIS CINCTI SERPENTE-11;4

HRT- 31 August, 2014
FT - 7 Sep, 2016
VFS- 19 October, 2016
FFS/BA - 28 Feb, 2018
SRS - 31 Oct 2018
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April_TO

I feel your pain and I'm getting more of these thoughts the closer I am on my transition date at work.
I feel like I am not ready and I am not woman enough which is kinda silly ugh!
Nothing ventured nothing gained
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