Talking with Family :/

[Katra]

So, I'm a 20 year old MTF trans, pre-op. I'm having a really hard time with the idea of telling my family, as I know they wouldn't support it. They aren't extremely religious, and I wouldn't be assaulted or anything extreme, like in some cases, but they would disown me, and not support me emotionally. I hear from all my friends who know about me being trans that if my family wouldn't love me for who I am, I'm not losing a family, but that just hurts more, because close minded or not, they are still my family, and family is everything to me.

I'm lucky enough that without any hormones or surgery I have a feminine complexion for someone born male, with soft cheekbones and a slight hourglass figure, which helps a lot with my internal struggles, and I'm blessed with an amazing FTM friend (also pre-op), who I met at 12, when we were both just exploring what it meant to be trans. He's been my everything for years, and before anyone asks, we dated, but it didn't work out, sadly. We're still super close, and I know I'll always have him to help me, but with him dealing with his own struggles, and trying to find a relationship, I don't want to depend on him, I don't feel it's fair.

On top of that, during past relationships, my MTF has always ruined relationships, except with my friend mentioned above, so I'm to the point I don't trust people to tell them until I've spent a lot of time with them, and by that point, they wind up feeling lied to or betrayed in some sense, because they spent months getting to know me, and I hid something so important. Its made finding anyone, friends or love interests, nearly impossible :/

I know I probably come across as a whiney, needy bitch :/

Anyway, here's hoping someone here can offer some insight. Thank you.

Cheers,
~Kat

[katrinaw]

Firstly Kat, Welcome... You'll get the official one soon 

I struggle and still have to date coming out to family and close family (wife, kids and now grandkids) for my entire life for many reasons. I have managed it all reasonably well, not dropped into total of fatal despair, as yet!

These days there is wider support networks, a lot more info and a better acceptance of us (although that could be argued I guess).

So my advice is, without knowing how your family will react is to come out as soon as you feel comfortable, it's far better when you're younger and starting out in life... But others with more real life experience will comment I am sure. It's also good that you have a very close friend that can support you and likewise you support her too, lucky.

By the way You are so lucky In what you describe of your non HRT position... Slightly envious 

Good luck with your decision process and as before Welcome 

Love Katy 

[Robyn37]

I recently flew my parents to see me for a couple days so I could come out to them. My mom is taking it pretty hard, but my dad seems to be able to support me. It was very difficult in the week leading up to telling them, I had such bad anxiety, but it did feel really good to get this burden off my shoulders. I am also financially independent from my parents, if you rely on them for money or housing I could see that as being a pretty big factor in your decision to tell them. A therapist would give you good advice on ways to come out to your parents to make it easier also, I spoke to a lot of different people beforehand and I feel like my preparation made it that much easier for everyone involved. Good luck!

[Rachel]

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Hi Katra,

The dysphoria does not go away. Being young has its advantages if you transition young. Being young has its disadvantages if you need family support and are not independent. If there is one parent that you think would be more supportive you may want to consider coming out to that parent if they can be trusted to keep your disclosure private as you and that parent sort out the details.

[AbbyKat]

Anyway, here's hoping someone here can offer some insight. Thank you.

Cheers,
~Kat

Are they the 700 Club type of religious?  Because if they are, Pat Robertson is totally cool with transgender folks.  I don't know what he drank that morning that made his hate rhetoric drop for that moment but it's what I plan to bring up when we tell the in-laws.

"I think there are men who are in a woman's body," he said. "It's very rare. But it's true -- or women that are in men's bodies -- and that they want a sex change. That is a very permanent thing, believe me, when you have certain body parts amputated and when you have shot up with various kinds of hormones. It's a radical procedure. I don't think there's any sin associated with that. I don't condemn somebody for doing that."

He seriously said that!  I'm still stunned weeks after I read it.