Hello. This is my first post and it's an honest introduction I promise you that if a little verbose.
I'm over 50 and I'd just like to apologise in advance for offending anyone in case that should ever happen because I've no intention to do that but after having read so many interesting posts I'm well aware that the subject matter can be a minefield; more so for me (which you will hopefully understand when you've read the rest of this post). It's evident that people here are very open minded but also that some are also sensitive - especially about terminology, of which I am completely ignorant. That's my "bad" and so I apologise in advance and pre-emptively in case any words I use should offend.
I am not FTM and hope that this will not get me kicked out straight away. I only say this because about a year ago I joined another forum and started asking questions in an attempt more than anything else to try to understand my own nature. I was polite. I was courteous but I was not wanted because after my first few innocent posts I was booted off, I believe simply because it may have been felt by some mod that I didn't belong. I'm really just a mild mannered person who just wants to understand me and although I'm far from being FTM I hope that some of you can help with that.
The first shock... I "identify" as a straight male. The second shock... that's because I was born a male and because I am attracted to women.
(There... I've said it... have I been booted off yet?)
The fact is I don't really know what to call myself when it comes to my sexuality although the subject is purely academic because I decided when I was 42 that I no longer wanted any relationship at all and that's the way it's been for the past decade. I'm perfectly happy on my own and want it to stay that way. I feel that I've had good relationships but they are all behind me however I am still puzzled as to what exactly I was and what my true nature is. I always thought I was "normal" but such a term doesn't begin to describe the true spectrum of different individuals that exist.
I've always been attracted to women who, for want of a better word, would have been called "tomboys" in my day. (Again... if I offend, I don't mean to so please forgive). I see myself as a straight male but don't identify with other males because they seem (in general) to like a completely different type of woman to me. It's like we're on different planets and when I've talked with them about the type of women I like they think I'm weird.
Having read many posts here over the last few days I realise that it's not easy to come up with a label for myself. In fact all I've really learned is the complicated label that I might be able to give those to whom I'm attracted which is a completely different thing. If I were to attempt to do that it might be "gay moderate FTM" but what I'd really like to know is this. What does that make me?
I use the words "moderate FTM" because that might apply to a woman who wants to identify as male but doesn't want to do it outwardly in any way other than no make-up, flat shoes, male-type clothing and (most importantly) short hair. Physically she has very narrow hips and no noticeable breasts. To the world she looks "boyish" and is happy in herself looking that way. Inwardly this person would identify as male in the sense that she is unconcerned with any "girlie" stuff at all; someone who might want to be accepted as "one of the guys" but at the same time doesn't think too much about it - just like many guys I guess. This is what my generation used to call a "tomboy". I use the word "gay" because this person, born as a woman but identifying more as a male, likes straight men and isn't lesbian. In her own mind she is a "normal" attractive woman and doesn't really understand why other women go to the trouble of "dolling themselves up".
It's complicated even at my age and expressing all that still doesn't come close to explaining what I am. So here's my question I guess...
What does that make me?
A few of you who moderately identify as male, it appears from reading comments, ARE attracted exclusively to men even though most are not. These few might therefore label themselves as "gay" (I hope I'm getting this right) so those whose nature is this way, YOU are surely the best people to judge what I am or rather what label I might apply to myself.
I really hope that my post gets taken seriously because I mean it to be. I've had several lasting and wonderful relationships but also a lot of misunderstanding. Try telling a woman that she's beautiful because she's "boyish" or because she doesn't make herself look any prettier than she already is by using artificial make-up, high-heels etc. It can be a disaster! Also think about the fact that many women who do look that way do in fact turn out to prefer women! I hope that some of you can sympathise with the minefield my romantic life has been.
Thanks for taking the time to read this but my question still stands... what do you call a straight guy like me who admires women with their feet firmly on the ground and who thinks that other men are from a different planet for liking all that yucky girlie stuff which is so artificial and unappealing?
