How long can an MtF reasonably keep passing as a male?

[April_TO]

Good Evening Ladies,

Based on the subject of this thread and the wide spectrum of women we have in our community (i.e. length on hrt, social situations etch). I want to request some feedback based on your personal account how long did you keep passing as a male?

I am excited about this thread. I have read the old thread back in 2013 and I am curious to know both the ladies that were here back then and the newer transitioners about their experiences.

A bit about me, I started HRT 6 months ago and have been reasonably passing. I had several instances of male fail but I am keeping everything on the DL as much as I can until I go FT at work.

Your feedback is appreciated ladies.

Love and Respect,

April

[Sunderland]

I'm not at the passing stage yet. At least, I'd assume not. I don't generally make any attempt to, and I really can't see it being at all possible until I start doing something about my voice. I'm waiting until I get down to a certain weight before I start putting effort into presenting female. I've only been on hormones for around a month. I haven't noticed much change. Even if I don't see any more change by the time I'm where I want to be weight-wise, it won't stop me. Weight and voice are my two big concerns at the moment.

The goal is, of course, to be as beautiful as that girl up there ^ someday.

[jessical]

At the nine month mark of being on HRT, I started to have male fail.  Now at One year and a couple of months it happens all the time.  But it depends.  The day before and the day of electrolysis I will almost always be gendered as male.

The other odd thing is I am not out at work yet (next month!), and people see me there as male, but if someone does not know they assume I am female.  Even at work.

I think the answer is for people who know you, you can go along time and pass (enough) as male.

[April_TO]

Babe, I know you can do it. I also lost a lot of weight recently about 50 lbs. it was a lot of work and when I first started doing my program I thought I will never see the end of it but I did it and so can YOU!

You are such a kind, sweet woman. If you need anything let me know

Love,

April

I'm not at the passing stage yet. At least, I'd assume not. I don't generally make any attempt to, and I really can't see it being at all possible until I start doing something about my voice. I'm waiting until I get down to a certain weight before I start putting effort into presenting female. I've only been on hormones for around a month. I haven't noticed much change. Even if I don't see any more change by the time I'm where I want to be weight-wise, it won't stop me. Weight and voice are my two big concerns at the moment.

The goal is, of course, to be as beautiful as that girl up there ^ someday.

[April_TO]

Jessica thanks for your feedback. I am scheduled to go full time next month at work and I don't have the same length of time you have been on HRT.
However, it is truly inspiring to hear your experience.

Best of luck,

April

At the nine month mark of being on HRT, I started to have male fail.  Now at One year and a couple of months it happens all the time.  But it depends.  The day before and the day of electrolysis I will almost always be gendered as male.

The other odd thing is I am not out at work yet (next month!), and people see me there as male, but if someone does not know they assume I am female.  Even at work.

I think the answer is for people who know you, you can go along time and pass (enough) as male.

[immortal gypsy]

For me it was around 6-8 months. Round then I bought new glasses and the receipt came back "Ms male name" (I wasn't trying, just andro cloathing and a backpack. They got my name of my insurance and medicare card). Of course milage may vary for different people, but this was me. Also around this time people who knew me personally would refer to me as he/him/sir. While people that didn't would more then likely use her/she/mam, or just be extremely gender neutral

[April_TO]

Thanks for the feedback
Very inspiring

For me it was around 6-8 months. Round then I bought new glasses and the receipt came back "Ms male name" (I wasn't trying, just andro cloathing and a backpack. They got my name of my insurance and medicare card). Of course milage may vary for different people, but this was me. Also around this time people who knew me personally would refer to me as he/him/sir. While people that didn't would more then likely use her/she/mam, or just be extremely gender neutral

[ImagineKate]

I'm 3 months in (today marks month 3) and I get occasional male fail. Very rare though.

At work some people definitely know something is up. One friend at work (a TV reporter) asked me about my hair. He said it was kinda "cute." Yeah ok, I think he's figured out something.

However most people know me as a guy at work. We are kinda casual where we are and the CTO's assistant did comment on my "skinny jeans" once. But given that her boss knows she probably knows now. She says absolutely nothing now.

Outside of the office, it's usually genderless. Some people would call me "sir" once they hear me talk.

However when I wear a winter coat that makes me look much bigger than I am it's an instant "sir."

I notice that my regular places such as the Indian restaurant know me and call me "sir." Indian people tend to not hold back, "sir" all the way. That is, those that don't try to talk to me in Hindi (I don't understand Hindi, only English and Spanish).

All of this is while presenting male. Presenting female I pass. My incidents in the other thread are definitely due to facial hair shadow, which is less of a problem now.

At this rate I figure I have about 3-4 months before I get male failed to the point where I should just give up presenting male. I won't be fooling anyone. At least that's my hope.

BTW I shunted any problems at work by telling my manager and HR. I report to a VP and he reports to the CTO so they know. They've both pledged full support and there will be zero tolerance for any kind of harassment, which is also illegal under NYC law. So there is that as a backup. But I have a plan and it seems to be going swimmingly.

[April_TO]

Quite honestly, after looking at your avatar Kate - you will get there in less time (male fail)
xoxo

April

I'm 3 months in (today marks month 3) and I get occasional male fail. Very rare though.

At work some people definitely know something is up. One friend at work (a TV reporter) asked me about my hair. He said it was kinda "cute." Yeah ok, I think he's figured out something.

However most people know me as a guy at work. We are kinda casual where we are and the CTO's assistant did comment on my "skinny jeans" once. But given that her boss knows she probably knows now. She says absolutely nothing now.

Outside of the office, it's usually genderless. Some people would call me "sir" once they hear me talk.

However when I wear a winter coat that makes me look much bigger than I am it's an instant "sir."

I notice that my regular places such as the Indian restaurant know me and call me "sir." Indian people tend to not hold back, "sir" all the way. That is, those that don't try to talk to me in Hindi (I don't understand Hindi, only English and Spanish).

All of this is while presenting male. Presenting female I pass. My incidents in the other thread are definitely due to facial hair shadow, which is less of a problem now.

At this rate I figure I have about 3-4 months before I get male failed to the point where I should just give up presenting male. I won't be fooling anyone. At least that's my hope.

BTW I shunted any problems at work by telling my manager and HR. I report to a VP and he reports to the CTO so they know. They've both pledged full support and there will be zero tolerance for any kind of harassment, which is also illegal under NYC law. So there is that as a backup. But I have a plan and it seems to be going swimmingly.

[Lady_Oracle]

The earliest male fail I can think of though was at about a year. I was window shopping at a store in completely male clothes hanging out with my gfs at the time. They wanted to try on prom dresses and so we picked our dresses and proceeded into the changing room. The lady who was working in that area ended up stopping me because she thought I was a guy from behind, she said it was because of my hair. I wasn't really trying to pass at all. Long story short she apologized and I went into the women's changing room

The second noticeable male fail was when I was picking up prescriptions for my family. The pharmacist knows my family and says to me, "Oh I didn't know they had another daughter". At the time I had a full beard shadow lol and again I was wearing male clothing.

[Megan Rose]

I have to admire anyone who can hold out.   By the time I started HRT, I was ready, so when people started asking questions a month later, and just plain male-fail a month after that, I went full time.  My plan was to wait at least another 6 months.   I'm happy I didn't.

[warlockmaker]

I'm in an unusual situation and in the closet as I need to pass as a male because of my work in Banking and Finance. In my city, I had a reputation as an ultra Alpha male that was flambouyant and gregarious. So, even though I have been on HRT for almost two years I still pass but its getting more difficult, especially since Bruce Jenner hit CNN news. I was in my 2nd home in Phuket Thailand and there I am easily ID'd  because of the culture of acceptance and I'm quite open about it there.

For me passing or not, is mostly a matter of what I wear, my behavior, my voice is interchangeable, and I'm 5ft 7in and 133 lbs with a full head of hair which is way below my shoulders - which I tie in a pony tail and very fine features. Maybe my passing as a male is just me fooling myself. I am going to change my avitar and post a slightly blurred pic in the next few days, it will be the first time I post a real pic of myself.

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

well today marks 19 months on hrt for me, i am still living in boy mode and i rarely ever male fail to my knowledge, i do have a very small world i live in though and i have an extremely low voice with a very masculine personality that i have developed up to this point in my life, i believe most people judge you more on your personality than your appearance

[Emjay]

I'm around 11 months in and have gotten one confirmed "male fail".  It was about a month ago and in a darkened restaurant but I'll take it!

My wife tells me I get questioning looks all the time but apparently I'm oblivious lol...  I was hoping for more by this point but I rarely even try to present lately due to my extremely demanding work schedule.  It's supposed to finally lighten up in the next few weeks.  That coupled with winter hopefully coming to a close and I won't be wearing a heavy coat everywhere should help!

[Cindy]

I went FT after 2 months. I didn't worry about 'male-fail' or passing. I just had to be me.

Nowadays almost 3 years in I pass all the time. Or if I don't no one has ever referred to me as a guy!

[Ms Grace]

I know no one will believe me, but I can still pass 100% as male if I need to. I'd rather not, of course, but I can. It's usually the day or two after electro, I feel so ugh about my face that it's more stressful trying to pass as female than it is spending an hour in dude mode. Last time I did get a few odd looks but no one doubted I wasn't "male".

Increasingly it is a weird experience, the sooner I never ever have to do it again the better.

[Jill F]

I went FT after 2 months. I didn't worry about 'male-fail' or passing. I just had to be me.

Wow, Cindy.  That's exactly what happened to me.  Started E on 1/21/13, Full time 3/21/13.

I didn't consciously go full time, it just kind of happened.  One day I just felt so ridiculous in guy clothes that I took them off and never put them back on.

[Obfuskatie]

Does drunken crying in public count?  I was really stressed out and I broke down about two months after starting HRT.  Super embarrassing, so I won't go into specifics.  Especially since I don't let people see that part of me, or used to not let ... Ugh, why am I sharing this?

I think most of my life was a series of male fails.  Most of the issues I've had in the past were because people reacted to me as though I were a typical boy.  When I acted feminine, they didn't know how to respond, and/or "helped" by negatively reinforcing my behavior.  I'm pretty sure I knew to not be completely open with people by age 6.  And I never discussed with people why I periodically shaved off my body hair as a teen.  Although it did prevent me from having to rip out leg hair when I had to tape my ankle for soccer...

Anyway, after HRT I thought I could get by with androgyny, but spent more time hiding in bulky clothes and/or avoiding socializing.  But I never really thought of it as male fail once I finally stopped trying so hard to be androgynous.  I was getting ma'am-ed and sir-ed about 50-50 when I decided to donate my boy clothes to charity and go full time.  I guess, I sort of felt like I was always male failing for the 18 months I transitioned in stealth.  And my desire to want to crawl in a hole and die when clocked, faded through experience.  Now I just glare, arch an eyebrow and thinly purse my lips if I bother to acknowledge it at all.

Not sure if I stuck to the prompt exactly...
Also, can we call it "female-victory?" Or something less negative?


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Ms Grace]

One day I just felt so ridiculous in guy clothes that I took them off and never put them back on.

So did that happen at home or in the middle of the street...? 

[Eva Marie]

I started getting male fails about a year into HRT. By then I was talking to my therapist about a plan to come out because it was clear to me I could not hold out in guy mode for much longer