coming out as trans vs. being myself

[michelle82]

This has been a bit of a struggle for me. I've come out to my family, friends, some co-workers as trans, but i haven't really presented female to a lot of people that know about me.

I feel like the coming out part is easier than actually "being" myself to people that have known me for so long. I have anxiety visiting my parents dressed as female, or with makeup, and haven't done that yet. I've been working on my voice by myself and with strangers, but i still speak relatively low when I'm with family. I'm struggling to get over this hump right now.

I feel like my presentation also creates a bit more tension around family/friends. I visited my mom a few weeks back and was dressed female, and I could sense a slight bit of awkwardness. I'm not sure if it was in my own head, or I was picking up on her energy.

So this leads me to my final conclusion in terms of acceptance. Are people generally more accepting of the "idea" that we are trans, but when its put in front of their face, that acceptance might then no longer be? Has anyone found that your loved ones initially support you when coming out, but then changed their view once they started seeing you physically change your appearance? Do i just  need to be more confident and not worry as much?

[cindianna_jones]

My family was totally against any of it. I was disinherited and told to move out of the state. So you are miles ahead on that count. Look, you are going through many changes, many of which, you aren't so sure of yourself. Additionally, you've had more time to come to grips with this than they have. So, just be yourself. Be happy and loving. It sounds like they are really pretty much there.

And for heaven's sake, don't worry about being fully female on your first visits. Let them experience the changes with you. They'll see how your attitudes change. They'll see you become happier. What parent wouldn't want that?

My advice is free and worth every penney.

Chin up,
Cindi

[suzifrommd]

Some people are accepting of us. Some people are uncomfortable but get used to us. Some people find us gross, pathetic, and upsetting. Some people don't want to think about us at all, and some people are bothered by our very existence.

The best we can do is to be ourselves. We can't control other people's reactions, though we can educate them about what it means to be trans.

[MaryXYX]

Almost all of my family cut me off completely at the first hint of "cross dressing" so I didn't go through the "coming out to family" stage.  Most people have been somewhere from accepting to welcoming.  Perhaps the strangest response was at a village church where I went to a few supper and speaker evenings.  The woman who kept the list of who was going said she hadn't found me really convincing as a man.

[michelle82]

Sorry if i came across as a little whiny. I realize that some people don't even obtain the initial support and that i should be grateful for that. Im pretty fortunate that everyone in my life has been positive about my transition. I just am dealing with my own internal struggles with confidence and being myself around others.

[suzifrommd]

Sorry if i came across as a little whiny. I realize that some people don't even obtain the initial support and that i should be grateful for that. Im pretty fortunate that everyone in my life has been positive about my transition. I just am dealing with my own internal struggles with confidence and being myself around others.

Never any need to apologize for being where you are.