public bathrooms

[megan7777]

So I hear there is a lot of issue with transgender using public bathrooms. Which do you use? why? what are our rights? IF I'm presenting full on female but not passing can I still use the female bathroom? What do you do? or do you have to use the male bathroom and be humiliated?

[Jill F]

OK, I'm in Los Angeles, California.  Pretty liberal here when it comes to trans issues.

Girl clothes - ladies' room
Boy clothes - men's room

Zero problems ever for me personally, but I would have thought twice early on before using a public restroom in a more conservative area for safety reasons.  Nowadays I pass well and have an ID that has a big fat "F" on it.  If anyone ever gives me grief now, guess who's going to have legal problems?

[CB]

I use Female. I've never had a problem although at first it did stress me out a bit!
I'm in the UK so its a protected legal right anyway.

[mac1]

OK, I'm in Los Angeles, California.  Pretty liberal here when it comes to trans issues.

Girl clothes - ladies' room
Boy clothes - men's room

Zero problems ever for me personally, but I would have thought twice early on before using a public restroom in a more conservative area for safety reasons.  Nowadays I pass well and have an ID that has a big fat "F" on it.  If anyone ever gives me grief now, guess who's going to have legal problems?

What if your clothes are unisex and you look female but are male?

or

What if your clothes are unisex and you look male but are female?

Just another reason why all public restrooms should be multi-user unisex.
It would solve all issues as to which one to use and eliminate space and cost considerations.

[suzifrommd]

I've never had problems with restrooms, though before I was passable, I tended to get in and out as quickly as I could without anyone getting a good look at me. There certainly are enough horror stories posted in these forums to instill a healthy respect for the issues that can arise in one.

Now I have an attitude. Yes, I mostly pass, but I'm trans and I'm proud and I DESERVE to use spaces appropriate to my gender. Anyone who would interfere with that, will very quickly be put on the defensive.

[CB]

What if your clothes are unisex and you look female but are male?

or

What if your clothes are unisex and you look male but are female?

Just another reason why all public restrooms should be multi-user unisex.
It would solve all issues as to which one to use and eliminate space and cost considerations.

What clothes you are wearing has nothing to do with it. lots of women and men wear unisex clothes.
What could create problems possibly is if you look one gender physically and use the toilets of the other gender. It really depend what country you are in and if you are protected. Just go in do your stuff and ignore anyone else and use your right to pee.

[Mariah]

I have used female without problem since transitioning. The only time I ever use a family restroom is when I'm taking my disabled mom who can often only be pivot transferred so the positioning of the wheelchair is important.
Mariah

[ImagineKate]

I use the ladies except when I'm with my kids in which case we use the family restrooms.

There are two exceptions - work and the kids school where I am  not "out" yet. Otherwise everywhere I go, but then again I present female everywhere else I go...

[JoanneB]

I've never had problems with restrooms, though before I was passable, I tended to get in and out as quickly as I could without anyone getting a good look at me. There certainly are enough horror stories posted in these forums to instill a healthy respect for the issues that can arise in one.

Now I have an attitude. Yes, I mostly pass, but I'm trans and I'm proud and I DESERVE to use spaces appropriate to my gender. Anyone who would interfere with that, will very quickly be put on the defensive.

Especially now that Maryland has a Bathroom Bill 

Well, even pre BB, I always used the women's. A lot driven by my presentation of as unambiguously female as I can be it a skirt or jeans. No way would the men's be place "to go"  (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun)

[Sea]

I'm sorry to here that, Megan7777. I understand your struggles, I myself have not gotten an answer from that.
It's humiliating for me to enter which ever bathroom. People may look at me weirdly because they are not sure which gender I am.

[Lady Smith]

Years ago when I was worried about this my doctor gave me a letter explaining that I was gender dysphoric and undergoing transition.  I carried that letter with me for years, but never had to use it.  It did help my confidence with using women's bathrooms though so I guess it was useful in the long run.

[Sammy]

I wear unisex clothes and have no idea how I look, so if I can I use restrooms for handicapped, or male restrooms cause the worst thing which could happen in male restroom (given local specificities) is someone might give a surprised stare (they usually dont say anything) and be gone with it, whereas in female restroom girls can call the security. But in overall, I try to plan my routes in order to avoid visiting public restrooms if possible.

[mac1]

I would really like to be able to use the women's restrooms and fitting rooms.

[awilliams1701]

Just make sure you OWN whatever you do. When I started using the ladies room at work there was some hesitation. When I OWNED my right to go in there the hesitation was gone very quickly.

[megan7777]

Thanks much for the feedback folks. My wife made the argument that if I transitioned I wouldn't be able to use a public bathroom.  I have done a LOT of thinking about this, and figured, I'd own what ever gender I was presenting. and if it was female, I'd ask my wife to wing person me/have my back so to speak and just do my business and leave sort of thing. it sucks our culture has so many problems with this stuff. .

[Jerri]

I am out and live work and play 100% female, most everyone knows I am ts  but I use women's room without any issue, I would be shocked as the others to find that i would be accepted in a male facility. I use the female shower / change room at work but have noticed some reaction from a few people who knew me before. and one facility that someone wrote real before the women on the door. but for the most part I rarely have issue. be yourself and  be comfortable being that person, i cant not  say it doesnt cross my mind, but in no way do I think about using a facility that does not reflect who I am and I would never place my self at level of risk

[JoanneB]

A small piece of irony....

For several years I attended the Maryland Senate hearings for our "bathroom bill" as it is euphemistically called, aka TG rights bill. This would totally legalize us to use the toilet in accordance with our presentation. So naturally the bathroom nuts were also there in full force with the apocryphal stories of how "some guy in a dress" can lurk in a womans room to rape some poor unsuspecting young innocent girl. 

Today's top news story in the NYC area is about (almost) exactly this. Some woman raped in the toilet of a bar. Oh... Some guy of of course, presenting as male, just released from prison for..... Guess what?