Dreaded words.. trying not to let bother me.

[Damara]

So today at work my coworker and friend told me that her friend's husband, who came in with her one day, later asked her, "Is that a man?" Ugh.. When she told me I felt like a lead weight dropped from the top of my head through to the floor. I wish that simple story and question didn't cause me so much distress but it did.. I feel fairly confident at times and feel that I'm generally "passable" although I'm trying to not even worry about that.. but it's hard. I feel like people in my age group are the most aware of my not being physically female.. older folks don't ever seem to notice at all..

Also today I was just feeling extra bottom dysphoric and blah.. anyway, after she told me I felt like crying for the rest of the day.. I wish I could escape my own negative feelings. Just wanted to share.. not a very interesting story but still...

hugs to you all!

[ana1111]

i totally get how you feel...im pretty sure someone called me sir for the first time the otherday... ive been told that im completely passable by others but I don't get it then.. im not tall and don't have a masculine body or voice at all... been on hormones for a year now and started at eighteen... so ya I totally get how you feel...if it makes you feel any better I saw your pics in the you look fabulous thread and thought you were completely passable and gorgeous...even got a little jealous and I almost never do...

[Muffinheart]

Sorry to hear Damara. I can't help but think what benefit there was to telling you what another person said. Especially if she is a friend, but that's my opinion.
Keep yer chin up, shake it off...tomorrow is a brand new day.

[Damara]

i totally get how you feel...im pretty sure someone called me sir for the first time the otherday... ive been told that im completely passable by others but I don't get it then.. im not tall and don't have a masculine body or voice at all... been on hormones for a year now and started at eighteen... so ya I totally get how you feel...if it makes you feel any better I saw your pics in the you look fabulous thread and thought you were completely passable and gorgeous...even got a little jealous and I almost never do...

Anna, thank you!! And you are gorgeous and I am jealous of you! Let's have a jealousy battle!  That's actually strange though.. do you think someone has been doing some gossiping or something? I personally do have a male sounding voice I guess.. *brave souls listen here* http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QyXxMA14Zs

But I suppose it was just like.. you know, I'm trying so hard and sometimes it's like the cracks in my insecurity can break through sometimes which is when I get these annoying and almost uncontrollable emotional responses.. 

Sorry to hear Damara. I can't help but think what benefit there was to telling you what another person said. Especially if she is a friend, but that's my opinion.
Keep yer chin up, shake it off...tomorrow is a brand new day.

Thanks, Muffin! *hugs* I also wonder my friend's intentions. I think she is still sort of ignorant to some degree.. and she's still very young, 18.. I don't think she realizes the emotional weight this whole process is.. I spoke to a wonderful friend tonight, about it and feel better.. but I'm still scared about more interactions like this in the future.. I just wish I wouldn't let the comments bother me.. takes practice I suppose.. anyway, yes! Gonna shake it off by dancing!

[Wild Flower]

i totally get how you feel...im pretty sure someone called me sir for the first time the otherday... ive been told that im completely passable by others but I don't get it then.. im not tall and don't have a masculine body or voice at all... been on hormones for a year now and started at eighteen... so ya I totally get how you feel...if it makes you feel any better I saw your pics in the you look fabulous thread and thought you were completely passable and gorgeous...even got a little jealous and I almost never do...

If thats you in the avatar... im disturb... because if you cant pass then no one can.

You pass more than most ggs

[Eveline]

I can't help but think what benefit there was to telling you what another person said. Especially if she is a friend, but that's my opinion.

This. Sharing that comment with you was thoughtless at best.

[Damara]

If thats you in the avatar... im disturb... because if you cant pass then no one can.

You pass more than most ggs

I know, Wild Flower! My thoughts exactly! Who doesn't that person who said that think is a man? lol! Anna looks so gorgeous! <3

This. Sharing that comment with you was thoughtless at best.

Yes, I agree.. I may have a gentle talk with her the next time I see her.. lol. Although some part of me wants to know these things.. like "Do I need to improve something to prevent that from happening again?"

[Kellam]

I'm with you on the pain of words. Your friend realy ought to learn the golden rule. And like others have said, you look beautiful.  I'd bet your friend is just jealous and a bit spiteful.

[ana1111]

ya that's me in the avatar... and girl you don't have a manly voice at all... I promise! but ya I feel like ive done everything I can to be passable but yet maybe im still not to many??... maybe the only way is tens of thousands worth of ffs

[Jessie Ann]

*brave souls listen here* http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QyXxMA14Zs

I did not hear anything other than a young girl speaking about her feelings. 

I'm sorry you had to hear that from your friend.  I wish I could give you some profound words of wisdom to make everything better but I am just starting down this road myself.  I do know that sometimes friends don't always do the friendliest things.  Sometimes they are too blunt for their own good and other times they hold back when they should let it all out.  Hang in their and know that you are a beautiful individual who is going to be breaking some major league hearts soon.

Hugs to you sweetie!! 

[Jessie Ann]

ya that's me in the avatar...

Girl you are a heartbreaker already!!!  I wish I coulda looked like that when I was your age.  Keep doing what you are doing!

[Wild Flower]

ya that's me in the avatar... and girl you don't have a manly voice at all... I promise! but ya I feel like ive done everything I can to be passable but yet maybe im still not to many??... maybe the only way is tens of thousands worth of ffs

Hell no.

Your face is naturally beautiful as is right there.

If you put 10s of thousands into it youll look like a those 50+ celeb women chasing for youth with botox and injections. Or like Lindsay Lohan.

[Wild Flower]

OP.

I just listen to your voice and its passable. The only hints were when you start a new sentence your voice went up a high pitch for a micro second. But its very passable and sounds like a disney princess Jodi Benson i think.

[Paige]

So today at work my coworker and friend told me that her friend's husband, who came in with her one day, later asked her, "Is that a man?" Ugh..

Hi Damara,

Your "friend" doesn't sound like a very nice person.  Have you ever considered she gossiped with her friend whose husband made the comment about you?  Perhaps her friend told her husband about the transgender person at your work and he was just guessing? 

Just a thought,
Paige

[Eva Marie]

If thats you in the avatar... im disturb... because if you cant pass then no one can.

You pass more than most ggs

This ^

Your voice sounds femme to me too. Way way better than mine (I got "sirred" today on the phone  )

I think the only thing you can do is just shrug it off. Remember that even cis women get called sir occasionally. If misgendering happens every once in a blue moon then people see you as female. The only thing I can figure is that the husband might have been tipped off by the wife at some point.

[April_TO]

I can totally relate to this incident. I was working at Sephora before when one of the managers pulled me aside as she doesn't know how to respond to a question that a client asked her if I was a man?? It's quite insulting. However, I just brushed it off and I went on with my day.

Damara, some people are just ignorant or does not have the mental capacity when and when not to bring up things. If she was a friend, she should not have brought that up to you knowing that you'll be offended.

I say keep that chin up and don't let this incident blind you from what's ahead. You are beautiful and I bet you are even good looking than your cis girl friend.

Love,

April

[Alyx Vox]

Hey, guess what? People are jerks. Better get used to it. If you ever need a reminder just take a look at our jolly old (and new haha) history full of blood and suffering.

[LizMarie]

Damara, beautiful voice!

Anna, I got sirred the other day and said nothing but just stared at the waitress. She got uncomfortable, later served our lunch, then came to give us the check. I gave her my credit card. She got all apologetic.

I have cisgender friends who get sirred now and then. One is a 6 foot cisgender woman who is thin, lanky, with a very small bustline. She wears her hair short because it makes things easier since she works with horses constantly. She gets sirred and just ignores it.

It happens to cisgender women too.

[Alyx Vox]

I personally do have a male sounding voice I guess.. *brave souls listen here* http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QyXxMA14Zs

Such a sexy female voice. I like it a lot. Nothing wrong with it, better yet: I like it a lot more than most female voices I hear. It has a lot of character.
I'm jealous, sadly I can only sing in my female voice, I cannot yet speak well.

There's also nothing wrong with the way you look judging by your avatar alone, so you can pretty much just flip that bastard off.