Online Dating.

[Kitteh Engimeer]

So. I'm on a couple of dating sites.

At first I hid the fact that I'm transgender. For guys that I thought were interesting, I let them know before I gave them my phone number. Finally, it just became more of a burden, so I gave up and added (and bolded) that I'm transgender (since this would eventually become unavoidable anyway, being pre-op). I need to disclose that kind of information; it's just who I am.

Basically, I'm getting tired of explaining this stuff to people. Each time it's like having a bit of blood drawn, and I'm running out of orange juice & cookies.

Also, every date I've been on (which hasn't been too many) seemed to get a tad awkward where the guy was getting just a bit overly intimate/touchy (this is fine, but better for a later date - imagine being footsied while the guy is talking about past relationships/breakups... humf), or seemed to loose interest when I explained that I'm not particularly interested in sex (at least not until I've had GRS). On that note, is it really all that hard to Google what FFS & GRS are? I mean c'mon. There're better conversation starters than surgical acronyms. But that seems to be the most often asked question. All I want to explain is that they're "stepping stones, nothing more." Blarg.

Sorry for being complainy. Just venting a smidge. I just want a normal relationship D: I'm worried that online dating may not be working. Maybe it's not, but I'm not completely comfortable having people try to pick me up in public, either (which has happened a few times, and the same letdowns occur, just more personal and exaggerated).

*facepalm*

[Joanna Dark]

I posted an ad the other day on Craigslist and I did talk to some guys but it does get quite awkward (but maybe it's just me). I mean I'm surprised I can even survive the picture exchange but I do. I possibility have self esteem issues. Well not possibility. I do.

What were the dates like you have been on?

I mean I got some really strange emails and these guys thought I was going to teach them about sex. Eww. Technically I prob could as I was kinda promiscuous pre-transition but, like you, I just want a normal relationship. Sometimes it feels like that can never happen but ya gots to keep trying.

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry to hear about everything.  I'm not at this point in my transition, but I always fear how dating will go when I start to pursue it.  Have you considered telling them after a few dates.  I have heard and witnessed a lot of success stories through this method.  If you tell to early, you might get some creepy guys or ->-bleeped-<-s.  That seems to be a common experience for many here.  While you I understand you want to be truthful with them, what's the harm in getting to know someone a little bit before you disclose.  That way you get to know each other and he gets to know your overall personality.  In this scenario, he will see that being trans is just one aspect of who you are. 

[Tristan]

Hey. I can tell you that dating is awkward for both parties involved. So far what's worked for me is I get to know them via text first and during the questions phase I tell them but I make it really laid back. I will be like I was a boy until about 11  but that's about the biggest secret I have. And they will normally respond out of curiosity. And I'm just like ask whatever you want. It normally goes on for like 5-20 minutes . It varies but I'm positive about it the whole way through and re assure them that I'm a lady. They say 9/10 times that I'm really cool and chill. They like that and we continue to date until I get tired of them or we figure out we don't have enough in common or something . It is tough you just have to make it as chill and somewhat fast as possible so they can understand a little and process it. And trust me googling that kind of stuff for guys makes them feel like they have to spy to get to know you. I know alot of them don't like that. Don't give up. Lots of men are dogs and just chasing some tail from what I'm seeing but you get a decent one every now and again

[MaidofOrleans]

or seemed to lose interest when I explained that I'm not particularly interested in sex (at least not until I've had GRS).

Just about any guy is going to lose interest if you say your not interested in sex. That's like signing up for an art class and starting off by telling the teacher you're not interested in doing art.

[Tristan]

Kyh that happens to all of us trans of not. It sucks. But we can get past them witch ice cream cookies and chick flicks

[kyh]

Kyh that happens to all of us trans of not. It sucks. But we can get past them witch ice cream cookies and chick flicks

We need to have a girl's night in... >_< Except instead of ice cream we can have popsicles, and instead of cookies we can have chips, and instead of chick flicks we can have horror movies. then it'll be perfect!

[Kitteh Engimeer]

Just about any guy is going to lose interest if you say your not interested in sex. That's like signing up for an art class and starting off by telling the teacher you're not interested in doing art.

Arg! Why must this be so damn true?

What were the dates like you have been on?

Well, basically every date I've had, they've known that I'm transgender. So that was never an issue.

One of the problems I've faced is the inability to predict compatibility well. One date I went on, I wasn't terribly sure this person really synced with my view of things, but I was willing to give it a shot. And basically it turned out OK, but nothing great. No chemistry. The guy was a bit on the nervous side, was way to brief when conveying interest in my attempt at conversation, and didn't really stop talking himself (y'know, basically signs of being nervous). He wanted to go on another date... but eh.

Another date, I just really shouldn't have gone on at all. I really wasn't in the mood, and we hadn't communicated for like a week aside of setting up the schedule. Basically we meet up for dinner, and I just start having fun. I ask him all kinds of bizarre existentialist questions. I was hoping to get something interesting going, but it all just kind of fizzled. We both decided the vibe was too weak, so at least that ended mutually. I actually had a good time, though, oddly enough.

I've actually got another date for Saturday scheduled. I think this one should be interesting - going for a walk in the park and potentially fancy dinner (I had to bail the night we had planned on going earlier this week). He seems like he's a cool guy. I have a bad habit of googling people before dating them, and he seems pretty damned accomplished too. Hmm... Kinda hoping there's some interest there. It would be the first, that's for sure.

Otherwise, I might just take down the dating profiles for the time being. Just for the fun of it, I put myself up as bisexual to see if there would be any interesting ladies to hang out with. Come to think of it, is there like some kind of site equivalent to dating, but only for friends? I wanna do something like that. I can't even honestly say I'm totally interested in dating or not right now. Blah.

[Tristan]

that sounds like fun for a girls night although horror movies scare me sometimes and the chips will make me have nightmares.
and as far as the dating goes i google people as well. its fun and sometimes you find out some good stuff.  i always do my best on the first date to open them up within 30 minutes and make the comfortable around me. after that if there is flow then it will start flowing. but i agree it is so hard to find good guys that you see a datable future with

[Muffinheart]

This sounds so familiar. When I first came out and was living full time, I tried one dating site that had other trans. Unfortunately, this type of site attracted the wrong type of guy ie. ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- ugh! I vowed never again.

So I joined a couple vanilla dating sites, and like you, clearly said who I was, and that I would be having surgery sometime soon. I was surprised by the number of dates, but maybe because of my age, I don't know, but dates were going to movies, out for a drink, coffee, play golf, cards etc.
I think being pre op - thank God - discouraged them from getting touchy feely.

Almost 2 years ago met a great guy, for some reason he fell for me. He wasn't my type either - he's a cop and I always thought of them being super macho, the type of guy who's got lots of buddies and might not have me around for fear of being the invisible girlfriend or he'd be embarrassed. But he is different and was understanding that I was over a year from having GRS.

Not sure how, but two years later, still together, engaged, and happy.
There are super guys out there, just have to weed out the butt holes and ->-bleeped-<-s.