Coming Out?

[fallofadam]

So here I am again, trying to explain to people what goes on inside my brain.

I "came out" to my mother as ftm transgender about three months ago (not planning on discussing sexuality with her any time soon). It seemed like the only thing she was concerned with was that I was still attracted to guys, and once I assured her that I was (I am pansexual), she said that it was okay and that I should be who I am. This made me happy, but within a week, I realized my fatal mistake: I was not specific enough about what it is that I want. So now, it's almost as if this discussion never took place at all. So here I am, planning a "re-coming out" to my mother, where I explain the process that I want to go through, and most importantly, what I need from her (correct pronouns and support in general). If this does not go well, my bags are already packed (it was an anxiety thing) and I'm planning to move out soon anyways. (I'm 18 so I can.)

I'm also planning on "coming out" to one of my close friends, Katie, who recently "came out" to me as pansexual (not knowing that I am, too). I'm not so worried about her reaction, but at the same time, I'm nervous because I've never told anyone other than my mom before.

I think I'll write them both letters just so that I make sure to put in everything that I want to say (unlike the first time with my mom), but is there any advice? Anything that I should mention specifically? Any tips and tricks for a good outcome?

Thanks.

P.S. Everyone seems really nice here. I think I might stick around for a while.

[LordKAT]

Adding a book or links to helpful sites can be useful as can pointing them toward groups like PL->-bleeped-<- which help with friends and family of trans people. You could invite them to see your therapist with you to help explain any questions they have.

[FTMax]

I like letter writing. Even if you don't end up using them to come out, it's good just to gather your thoughts and think of responses to common questions that they might ask. My approach has always been to have as much information available as possible about things that are directly relevant (effects of FTM HRT, what is top surgery, what is bottom surgery, etc.), and that has been quite successful for me.

It's none of their business, and you may not have any idea yourself yet, but they may want to know specifics. My friends have not asked about anything medical, but my family has asked some potentially triggering questions about potential future surgical procedures. If you think either of them are going to be overly curious and lacking a filter, you may want to practice saying things out loud.

[fallofadam]

UPDATE: I "came out" to my friend, Katie, and she was completely okay with it and very supportive. The only questioned she asked was whether or not she should refer to me by male pronouns and the name Adam, as many people don't know yet. she is really awesome.